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JesseN

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JesseN
  • Town/Country : Bryant , United States
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Thursday 27 July 1989 (24 years)
  • Number of visits : 734
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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JesseN's favorite FMLs

Today, while I was at a urinal, a man came up to use the one next to me. He then said, "I guess this is where all the dicks hang out." He then stared at me until I left. FML

#20190054
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16582) - you deserved it (1259)

On 12/03/2012 at 9:14pm - misc - by reedcarter -

Today, I brought my new puppy home. I saw her sniffing around, so I took her outside to do her business. She simply played in the grass for ten minutes, so I brought her in. She walked in the door, squatted, and shit. She has diarrhea. This is the fourth time today. FML

#20115908
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18443) - you deserved it (3168)

On 10/14/2012 at 12:39am - animals - by Patrick - United States (Louisiana)

Today, my husband let me know he felt I was ignoring him by jabbing me in the right ear with his erect penis while I was Skyping with my mum overseas. FML

#20110803
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25606) - you deserved it (4018)

On 10/10/2012 at 5:48pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, I went to visit a friend I hadn't seen in ages who lives alone out in the country. I arrived and found the front door unlocked but no one was home. I went in anyway and helped myself to some food. Then a family I had never seen before came in, and I realized it wasn't my friend's house. FML

#20007202
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8487) - you deserved it (26933)

On 08/07/2012 at 3:48am - misc - by Embarrassed - Australia (South Australia)

Today, I let my daughter bake a cake for her brother's fifth birthday party. She showed up later with a cake in the shape of a cock and balls. Apparently it's okay, though, because "I frosted it to look like a rocket, hehehe!" I can't believe my balls spawned this moron. FML

#19867387
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16456) - you deserved it (4525)

On 06/29/2012 at 5:39pm - misc - by Nick (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was texting my girlfriend and asked her for a picture, expecting something provocative. She sent me a picture of her holding a positive pregnancy test. We had sex once. FML

#19758301
207 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14283) - you deserved it (39130)

On 06/09/2012 at 12:51am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Mississippi)

Today, I reached a new level of commitment in my relationship with my boyfriend. This happened when he pooped on the side of the road beside my truck, while talking and making eye contact with me while wiping. FML

#19661428
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19988) - you deserved it (2637)

On 05/22/2012 at 8:21am - love - by ordinaryday - Canada (Alberta)

Today, as part of my medical anatomy course, I had to give a presentation about an STD and the effects it has on women. The class was comprised almost entirely of girls. I become extremely anxious and accidentally stated "Vaginas are smelly" as my opening statement. FML

#19637447
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12994) - you deserved it (23298)

On 05/17/2012 at 4:14pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I started the job of my dreams. Our first marketing meeting was an in-depth analysis of the phrase, "Haters gonna hate, potatoes gonna potate". I have a 5 year contract. FML

#19611170
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18344) - you deserved it (3814)

On 05/12/2012 at 10:36am - work - by picklet (woman) - Malaysia (Negeri Sembilan)

Today, while sitting at a red light, I guiltily nibbled on a chocolate bar and looked around to make sure no one saw me cheating on my diet.  A police car pulled up, I panicked, stepped on the gas, and ran the light. FML

#19609899
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7989) - you deserved it (45564)

On 05/12/2012 at 12:27am - misc - by Snickers (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend yet again unsuccessfully tried to hold in uncontrollable giggling every time I moaned or sighed during sex. He's 24. I'm terrified of his reaction should I ever reach an orgasm with him. FML

#19557308
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22985) - you deserved it (2584)

On 05/01/2012 at 7:02am - intimacy - by epicsquishii (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while putting on a load of laundry, I squeezed the detergent bottle and it made a noise like a woman's orgasm. After laughing, I realised that I'm probably too immature to be washing my own clothes. FML

#19521311
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8180) - you deserved it (21095)

On 04/24/2012 at 10:03am - intimacy - by mmmtortilla (woman) - Spain (Pais Vasco)

Today, my girlfriend and I agreed to tell her parents that she's pregnant. When they started freaking out, instead of dealing with the situation maturely, she went into straight-up Tard Mode and said, "It's okay, I'm not the mom." FML

#19264126
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25990) - you deserved it (5669)

On 03/12/2012 at 12:27pm - love - by yamsterr (man) - United States

Today, I faced down the Godzilla of all spiders. I smashed the goddamned holy shit out of it. Trying to impress my cute new roommate, I scooped up the remains and showed him. It was his pet tarantula. FML

#19214836
245 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17089) - you deserved it (18483)

On 03/04/2012 at 3:46pm - misc - by Hannah (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I overheard my fourteen year old daughter talking on the phone. Apparently, as of last night, she and her best friend have their "official licenses in muff diving". FML

#19124149
381 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23464) - you deserved it (3737)

On 02/20/2012 at 4:19pm - intimacy - by Gavin - United Kingdom (Nottinghamshire)



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