Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

JessGivsBesitos

Offline (the 09/26/2014 at 9:00pm) | Search for a member

JessGivsBesitos

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 15 December 1992 (21 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 386
  • Number of comments : 9
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About JessGivsBesitos : heyy names jess and ya thats all u need to kn... >=D

JessGivsBesitos's page activity

Visits<b>Bladius</b> - the 10/16/2014 at 2:21pm<b>biasedshooter</b> - the 08/30/2014 at 9:30am<b>jesseb97</b> - the 08/25/2014 at 12:45am<b>Matt_a_tat_tat</b> - the 06/23/2014 at 10:58pm<b>whatsupitsbrian</b> - the 04/18/2014 at 1:29pm<b>XxCatalyst</b> - the 03/11/2014 at 1:07am<b>IceMan11</b> - the 10/08/2013 at 9:56am<b>MONTOYA412</b> - the 09/18/2013 at 10:13pm<b>DemonicLemon</b> - the 07/16/2013 at 11:35pm<b>daveMathews48</b> - the 08/31/2011 at 1:48am<b>kingghidorah</b> - the 08/04/2011 at 4:35pm<b>MrSousa10</b> - the 07/30/2011 at 10:41am

JessGivsBesitos's FML badges

Mobility

You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

Up and coming moderator

It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.

Profile completed

You’ve filled out the necessary details. Having done so will be much appreciated.

See all of JessGivsBesitos's badges

JessGivsBesitos's favorite FMLs

Today, I carried flat-packed boxes home from work to move my things into a new apartment. Whilst walking down the street, the wind kept blowing and spinning me round. A crowd eventually gathered, mistaking me for a street performer. Nobody helped or even threw me any loose change. FML

#20575849
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28404) - you deserved it (3317)

On 04/05/2013 at 7:04am - misc - by Gem - United Kingdom (Nottingham)

Today, I went out for dinner with my long-term crush, who turned out to be a huge dog person. He asked me which dog breed I like the most. In an attempt to reply with both Labrador and Doberman, I accidentally said Dumbledore. FML

#20451560
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30736) - you deserved it (8784)

On 01/10/2013 at 7:20am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Slovakia

Today, my husband and I found the perfect house, in our price range and everything we wanted in a house. However, the street it's on is called "Arbour Butte Road". My husband refuses to buy it because he doesn't want it to sound like he lives "in a tree's ass." I'm married to an idiot. FML

#20451265
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29358) - you deserved it (5711)

On 01/10/2013 at 12:53am - misc - by it's just a name (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, at work, a little girl came in and asked if we had any dance clothes. As I showed her, I asked if she was in a competition. When she said yes, I crossed my fingers and told her I hoped she would win. Unfortunately, I didn't cross them properly and I accidentally gave her the finger. FML

Today, I tried to get my boyfriend to roll over while he was asleep. He snores loud enough to wake the neighbors and if he lays on his side he usually stops. Instead of rolling over, he stuck his leg in the air, farted twice, and laughed about it in his sleep. He's still snoring. FML

#20447496
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35800) - you deserved it (5171)

On 01/08/2013 at 2:44am - misc - by no sleep for me -

Today, within the first 15 minutes of a nonstop 8-hour flight, the guy sitting next to me picked an eyelash he found on my face, stared at it for a few seconds, and stuck it in his mouth. FML

#20447129
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41454) - you deserved it (2328)

On 01/07/2013 at 11:16pm - misc - by legitweirdo - United States (New York)

Today, when I got home I noticed a statue of a gnome sitting next to the door. I've had an intense phobia of gnomes since I was a child, and I can't bring myself to walk past it. It's been half an hour and I'm still standing outside. I can see my dad through the window laughing and waving. FML

Today, I bought an eye mask to help me sleep during the day, as I work night shifts. Upon waking up after my first time using it, I forgot I was wearing it and thought I had gone blind, causing me to fall out of the bed and split my head open on my bedside table. FML

#20442267
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20931) - you deserved it (11347)

On 01/04/2013 at 5:13am - health - by idiot - Sweden

Today, I went to see a movie with three of my friends, and I was sharing popcorn with one of them. Halfway through the movie, my friend asked me why I wasn't eating our popcorn. I then realised I'd been taking popcorn from the man sitting next to me. FML

#20160393
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25278) - you deserved it (7551)

On 11/12/2012 at 12:27pm - misc - by mm (woman) - United Kingdom (Warrington)

Today, while I was at work, a coworker began ranting about his theory that the government is going to create a disease that sterilises everyone, and use the antidote to control the population. I was just trying to take a crap in the stall next to him. FML

#20048023
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17068) - you deserved it (1517)

On 08/29/2012 at 3:19pm - work - by Pooping - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I asked my dad why there were no photos of me on the wall. He replied, "Every time you disappoint us we burn one." FML

#19586113
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29207) - you deserved it (4675)

On 05/07/2012 at 5:51am - misc - by N (woman) - United Kingdom (Glasgow City)

Today, my friends learned that if you play "connect the dots" with the pimples on my back the resulting picture is a large penis. FML

#17910918
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30253) - you deserved it (4822)

On 10/05/2011 at 12:08pm - misc - by Hoggiebear - United States (Georgia)

Today, while at the beach, my little brother's hat blew off. I chased after it before I completely lost sight and realized I was no match for the wind. I get back and he's wearing the hat. I chased a fucking trash bag for a mile thinking it was his hat. FML

#17729862
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22829) - you deserved it (9682)

On 09/12/2011 at 6:32pm - misc - by justhereforlaughs (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my boyfriend told me about this guy who makes balloon animals with his penis. My boyfriend has spent the last 4 hours trying to make his penis look like a pretzel. FML

#17406158
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28192) - you deserved it (3916)

On 08/08/2011 at 10:29am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)



FML's blog

  • Krumla's Illustrated FML
  • It's Friday, so a bold font is required. I was sitting in my caravan by the side of busy road cooking cocktail sausages over a gas stove when I realised it was time to start writing something about this…

Friday 24 October 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: