Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

JessGivsBesitos

Search for a member

JessGivsBesitos
  • Town/Country : Modesto, United States
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 15 December 1992 (21 years)
  • Number of visits : 290
  • Number of comments : 9
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About JessGivsBesitos : heyy names jess and ya thats all u need to kn... >=D

JessGivsBesitos's last visitors

XxCatalystIceMan11MONTOYA412DemonicLemondaveMathews48kingghidorahMrSousa10

JessGivsBesitos's FML badges

Mobility

You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

Up and coming moderator

It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.

Profile completed

You’ve filled out the necessary details. Having done so will be much appreciated.

See all of JessGivsBesitos's badges

JessGivsBesitos's favorite FMLs

Today, when I got home I noticed a statue of a gnome sitting next to the door. I've had an intense phobia of gnomes since I was a child, and I can't bring myself to walk past it. It's been half an hour and I'm still standing outside. I can see my dad through the window laughing and waving. FML

Today, I bought an eye mask to help me sleep during the day, as I work night shifts. Upon waking up after my first time using it, I forgot I was wearing it and thought I had gone blind, causing me to fall out of the bed and split my head open on my bedside table. FML

#20442267
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16120) - you deserved it (9836)

On 01/04/2013 at 5:13am - health - by idiot - Sweden

Today, I went to see a movie with three of my friends, and I was sharing popcorn with one of them. Halfway through the movie, my friend asked me why I wasn't eating our popcorn. I then realised I'd been taking popcorn from the man sitting next to me. FML

#20160393
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23532) - you deserved it (7192)

On 11/12/2012 at 12:27pm - misc - by mm (woman) - United Kingdom (Warrington)

Today, while I was at work, a coworker began ranting about his theory that the government is going to create a disease that sterilises everyone, and use the antidote to control the population. I was just trying to take a crap in the stall next to him. FML

#20048023
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15849) - you deserved it (1403)

On 08/29/2012 at 3:19pm - work - by Pooping - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I asked my dad why there were no photos of me on the wall. He replied, "Every time you disappoint us we burn one." FML

#19586113
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27525) - you deserved it (4463)

On 05/07/2012 at 5:51am - misc - by N (woman) - United Kingdom (Glasgow City)

Today, my friends learned that if you play "connect the dots" with the pimples on my back the resulting picture is a large penis. FML

#17910918
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25571) - you deserved it (3607)

On 10/05/2011 at 12:08pm - misc - by Hoggiebear - United States (Georgia)

Today, while at the beach, my little brother's hat blew off. I chased after it before I completely lost sight and realized I was no match for the wind. I get back and he's wearing the hat. I chased a fucking trash bag for a mile thinking it was his hat. FML

#17729862
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17855) - you deserved it (7180)

On 09/12/2011 at 6:32pm - misc - by justhereforlaughs (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my boyfriend told me about this guy who makes balloon animals with his penis. My boyfriend has spent the last 4 hours trying to make his penis look like a pretzel. FML

#17406158
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25727) - you deserved it (3710)

On 08/08/2011 at 10:29am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my boyfriend told me about this guy who makes balloon animals with his penis. My boyfriend has spent the last 4 hours trying to make his penis look like a pretzel. FML

#17406158
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25727) - you deserved it (3710)

On 08/08/2011 at 10:29am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, at dinner, I accidentally let it slip that I'd taken a small sip of alcohol a few years ago and hated it. My extremely strict parents are now trying to get me into rehab. FML

#17403916
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35177) - you deserved it (6503)

On 08/08/2011 at 2:23am - misc - by ApparentDrugAddict (woman) - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex, and it was my first time being on top. I got so into it that when I went to put my hands on the wall for support, the shelf above my bed snapped, with my favorite little cactus falling onto his face. FML

#17294808
223 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34213) - you deserved it (9134)

On 07/29/2011 at 3:24am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my girlfriend, who is very self conscious about her body, finally decided to have sex with me. She told me to wait a few minutes, so I did. I stripped and turned around to find her in a one-piece swimsuit, with a hole cut out of the crotch. FML

#17088739
428 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66641) - you deserved it (6939)

On 07/13/2011 at 1:02am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I met a really nice guy. He was funny, handsome, and we were both into each other. He told me his name, and when I replied with mine, it came out sounding like "I'm a bear." FML

#17071540
229 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16207) - you deserved it (14546)

On 07/11/2011 at 9:12pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I was robbed by a guy wearing a ninja turtle costume. FML

#17044811
287 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34957) - you deserved it (4836)

On 07/09/2011 at 8:19pm - money - by Lame (man) - United States (New York)

Today, a tornado watch has been instituted in my town. At this moment, I have violent diarrhea, and my toilet sits right in front of a window. FML

#15962941
231 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28137) - you deserved it (3645)

On 04/28/2011 at 12:51pm - health - by cnamobi - United States (North Carolina)



FML's blog

  • Zoé's Illustrated FML
  • Hey there, young whippersnappers. Yes, you, the youth. I’m talking to you, sitting at home, scratching your asses. Why aren’t you doing something more constructive with your lives? Stop watching that shit…

Friday 18 April 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: