JessGivsBesitos

Search for a member

Offline (the 12/15/2015 at 9:06am)

JessGivsBesitos

2Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 15 December 1992 (23 years old)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 476
  • Number of comments : 9
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About JessGivsBesitos : heyy names jess and ya thats all u need to kn... >=D

JessGivsBesitos's page activity

Visits<b>pred8885</b> - the 04/14/2016 at 8:09am<b>majoroftheair</b> - the 04/10/2016 at 2:46am<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 03/25/2016 at 9:01am<b>Jayroc</b> - the 12/26/2015 at 10:01am<b>Kamorka</b> - the 12/15/2015 at 2:29am<b>cmchappy</b> - the 11/16/2015 at 4:30am<b>JDub1031</b> - the 07/08/2015 at 9:22am<b>RaspberryFlower</b> - the 06/06/2015 at 5:01pm<b>Bladius</b> - the 10/16/2014 at 2:21pm<b>biasedshooter</b> - the 08/30/2014 at 9:30am<b>jesseb97</b> - the 08/25/2014 at 12:45am<b>Matt_a_tat_tat</b> - the 06/23/2014 at 10:58pm<b>whatsupitsbrian</b> - the 04/18/2014 at 1:29pm<b>XxCatalyst</b> - the 03/11/2014 at 1:07am<b>IceMan11</b> - the 10/08/2013 at 9:56am<b>MONTOYA412</b> - the 09/18/2013 at 10:13pm<b>DemonicLemon</b> - the 07/16/2013 at 11:35pm<b>daveMathews48</b> - the 08/31/2011 at 1:48am

Fucked!<b>Jayroc</b> - the 12/26/2015 at 4:01pm<b>Kamorka</b> - the 12/15/2015 at 8:29am

JessGivsBesitos's FML badges

Mobility

You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

Up and coming moderator

It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.

Profile completed

You’ve filled out the necessary details. Having done so will be much appreciated.

See all of JessGivsBesitos's badges

JessGivsBesitos's favorite FMLs

Today, I attended a cooking class with my co-workers. As the chef prepared to cut up a load of onions for his dish, he warned us to be ready for the "typical reactions". Everyone teared up. Meanwhile, I popped a boner. So much for typical. FML

by Anonymous / 05/16/2013 at 4:54pm / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy

Today, I carried flat-packed boxes home from work to move my things into a new apartment. Whilst walking down the street, the wind kept blowing and spinning me round. A crowd eventually gathered, mistaking me for a street performer. Nobody helped or even threw me any loose change. FML

by Gem / 04/05/2013 at 7:04am / United Kingdom (Nottingham) / Miscellaneous

Today, as usual, my cat was sleeping on my stomach. I couldn't fall asleep so I delicately picked him up and put him down next to me. He got up, hopped back onto me, gave me a slap and then went back to sleep on my stomach. I didn't dare move all night. FML

by dormeur / 01/18/2013 at 6:39am / Animals

Today, I went out for dinner with my long-term crush, who turned out to be a huge dog person. He asked me which dog breed I like the most. In an attempt to reply with both Labrador and Doberman, I accidentally said Dumbledore. FML

by Anonymous / 01/10/2013 at 7:20am / Slovakia / Miscellaneous

Today, my husband and I found the perfect house, in our price range and everything we wanted in a house. However, the street it's on is called "Arbour Butte Road". My husband refuses to buy it because he doesn't want it to sound like he lives "in a tree's ass." I'm married to an idiot. FML

by it's just a name / 01/10/2013 at 12:53am / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, at work, a little girl came in and asked if we had any dance clothes. As I showed her, I asked if she was in a competition. When she said yes, I crossed my fingers and told her I hoped she would win. Unfortunately, I didn't cross them properly and I accidentally gave her the finger. FML

by georgiamarshall_ / 01/09/2013 at 5:42am / Australia (New South Wales) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I tried to get my boyfriend to roll over while he was asleep. He snores loud enough to wake the neighbors and if he lays on his side he usually stops. Instead of rolling over, he stuck his leg in the air, farted twice, and laughed about it in his sleep. He's still snoring. FML

by no sleep for me / 01/08/2013 at 2:44am / Miscellaneous

Today, within the first 15 minutes of a nonstop 8-hour flight, the guy sitting next to me picked an eyelash he found on my face, stared at it for a few seconds, and stuck it in his mouth. FML

by legitweirdo / 01/07/2013 at 11:16pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, when I got home I noticed a statue of a gnome sitting next to the door. I've had an intense phobia of gnomes since I was a child, and I can't bring myself to walk past it. It's been half an hour and I'm still standing outside. I can see my dad through the window laughing and waving. FML

Today, I bought an eye mask to help me sleep during the day, as I work night shifts. Upon waking up after my first time using it, I forgot I was wearing it and thought I had gone blind, causing me to fall out of the bed and split my head open on my bedside table. FML

by idiot / 01/04/2013 at 5:13am / Sweden / Health

Today, I went to see a movie with three of my friends, and I was sharing popcorn with one of them. Halfway through the movie, my friend asked me why I wasn't eating our popcorn. I then realised I'd been taking popcorn from the man sitting next to me. FML

by mm / 11/12/2012 at 12:27pm / United Kingdom (Warrington) / Miscellaneous

Today, while I was at work, a coworker began ranting about his theory that the government is going to create a disease that sterilises everyone, and use the antidote to control the population. I was just trying to take a crap in the stall next to him. FML

by Pooping / 08/29/2012 at 3:19pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Work

Today, I asked my dad why there were no photos of me on the wall. He replied, "Every time you disappoint us we burn one." FML

by N / 05/07/2012 at 5:51am / United Kingdom (Glasgow City) / Miscellaneous

Today, my friends learned that if you play "connect the dots" with the pimples on my back the resulting picture is a large penis. FML

by Hoggiebear / 10/05/2011 at 12:08pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, while at the beach, my little brother's hat blew off. I chased after it before I completely lost sight and realized I was no match for the wind. I get back and he's wearing the hat. I chased a fucking trash bag for a mile thinking it was his hat. FML

by justhereforlaughs / 09/12/2011 at 6:32pm / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous