Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

JessGivsBesitos

Offline (the 09/26/2014 at 9:00pm) | Search for a member

JessGivsBesitos

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 15 December 1992 (21 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 383
  • Number of comments : 9
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About JessGivsBesitos : heyy names jess and ya thats all u need to kn... >=D

JessGivsBesitos's page activity

Visits<b>Bladius</b> - the 10/16/2014 at 2:21pm<b>biasedshooter</b> - the 08/30/2014 at 9:30am<b>jesseb97</b> - the 08/25/2014 at 12:45am<b>Matt_a_tat_tat</b> - the 06/23/2014 at 10:58pm<b>whatsupitsbrian</b> - the 04/18/2014 at 1:29pm<b>XxCatalyst</b> - the 03/11/2014 at 1:07am<b>IceMan11</b> - the 10/08/2013 at 9:56am<b>MONTOYA412</b> - the 09/18/2013 at 10:13pm<b>DemonicLemon</b> - the 07/16/2013 at 11:35pm<b>daveMathews48</b> - the 08/31/2011 at 1:48am<b>kingghidorah</b> - the 08/04/2011 at 4:35pm<b>MrSousa10</b> - the 07/30/2011 at 10:41am

JessGivsBesitos's FML badges

Mobility

You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

Up and coming moderator

It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.

Profile completed

You’ve filled out the necessary details. Having done so will be much appreciated.

See all of JessGivsBesitos's badges

JessGivsBesitos's favorite FMLs

Today, I came home and found that my home had been robbed. The worst part? One of the thieves took a dump in my toilet and didn't flush. It doesn't even look human. FML

#21184110
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45482) - you deserved it (3524)

On 06/22/2014 at 11:10am - misc - by paywithpoop - United States

Today, while in the yard, my 18-month-old son decided to take off running into the road, where a car was driving. I rushed after him, only for one of my dress straps to suddenly break without warning. It must have looked like I was trying to flag down the driver with my flailing tit. FML

#21183414
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42179) - you deserved it (5616)

On 06/21/2014 at 7:14pm - misc - by icandothecancan - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I got hit by a car while walking into the hospital to visit my wife, who had also gotten hit by a car. FML

#21182903
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56908) - you deserved it (4377)

On 06/21/2014 at 8:50am - health - by anon - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I woke up and put my contacts in. It appears that I got drunk enough last night that instead of soaking my contacts in contact solution, I used mouthwash. FML

#21181415
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41088) - you deserved it (22181)

On 06/20/2014 at 1:06am - misc - by anon - United States (Missouri)

Today, I became the town racist for saying "black" instead of "African-American". I'm black. FML

#21179835
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54519) - you deserved it (5060)

On 06/18/2014 at 9:14pm - misc - by guest - United States (California)

Today, we had a guy come into the hospital with a carrot stuck deep in his anus. I've heard all kinds of ridiculous cover stories, but his took the cake; he claimed the phone rang while he was showering and he slipped onto a box of vegetables. Guess who had to extract the carrot. FML

#21179512
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52390) - you deserved it (4607)

On 06/18/2014 at 3:06pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I feel massively depressed, but I can't talk to anyone about it as I'm British. FML

#21177849
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35656) - you deserved it (10023)

On 06/17/2014 at 8:26am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom

Today, my car keys are in my house and my house keys are in my car, and I'm in neither. FML

#20943997
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46999) - you deserved it (8455)

On 11/03/2013 at 3:18pm - misc - by Argh (man) - France (Poitou-Charentes)

Today, my dog got out of the house. I was running after him and remembered the old "pretend you're hurt" trick. I got on the ground, and cried out as if I was hurt. My dog just kept running. FML

Today, my best friend went in for her scheduled mammogram, and I sent her a text saying, "How're your boobies?" It was only after I sent it that I realized I'd sent it to my history professor. FML

#20930198
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38735) - you deserved it (11503)

On 10/22/2013 at 12:47pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was mugged in a public bathroom. All I had on me was a plastic sheriff's badge, so I gave it to them. They laughed me out of the restroom. FML

#20928153
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35227) - you deserved it (3570)

On 10/20/2013 at 10:16pm - misc - by the_lameo_geek (woman) - United States (New Mexico)

Today, my boyfriend and I were furniture shopping. They had miniature versions built of some of the desks. He commented how they were "cute for little kids" to use. They were 6 inches tall. I had to explain to him that they were only models, not real desks. I'm dating Zoolander. FML

#20782878
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35915) - you deserved it (4609)

On 07/14/2013 at 9:07pm - misc - by anonymous - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was sending intimate pictures to my girlfriend and accidentally sent one to my best friend. He sent me one back. FML

#20690661
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55897) - you deserved it (32893)

On 05/28/2013 at 1:44am - intimacy - by Abrams52 (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I accidentally hit a cyclist with my car. In panic, I jumped out of my car and ran up to him, who was lying on the floor, motionless. As I was about to check his pulse, he jumped up and shouted, "I bet you thought I was dead, asshole!" He then punched me in the face and cycled off. FML

#20688904
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50725) - you deserved it (23561)

On 05/27/2013 at 7:19am - misc - by i hit a cyclist (man) - United Kingdom (Nottingham)

Today, I attended a cooking class with my co-workers. As the chef prepared to cut up a load of onions for his dish, he warned us to be ready for the "typical reactions". Everyone teared up. Meanwhile, I popped a boner. So much for typical. FML

#20667353
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50316) - you deserved it (8707)

On 05/16/2013 at 4:54pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)



Zach Stafford's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Zach's illustrated FML
  • Everybody's talking about Ebola at the moment. I have trouble keeping up with the latest trends. I'm going to wait until Christmas and see what special offers turn up in the shops, under funky new names…

Friday 17 October 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: