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JazmynMarae

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JazmynMarae

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  • Number of visits : 479
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  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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JazmynMarae's favorite FMLs

Today, I was fooling around with my girlfriend for the first time. She put her hand on my penis over my jeans and said "Get hard for me." I was hard. FML

#364382
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (180107) - you deserved it (28478)

On 03/15/2009 at 11:20pm - intimacy - by illequipt - Canada (Ontario)

Today, a girl-scout asked me to buy cookies, in front of Giant. She looked nice, so I bought 5 boxes from her. She took the money and went home with her mom. I opened the boxes when I got home and realized that the boxes just had rocks in them. I got scammed by a girl-scout. FML

#357552
221 comments

I agree, your life sucks (210683) - you deserved it (35085)

On 03/15/2009 at 9:14pm - money - by twit (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I came back from a hike to see my trailer rocking, as well as some strange but obvious noises coming from it. I went camping alone. Two strangers were in my camper having sex. FML

#315595
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (131671) - you deserved it (10216)

On 03/14/2009 at 1:08am - intimacy - by Noname (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my cat was in the bathroom with me. I was getting undressed to get into the shower. My cat looked at me after I'd undressed and then threw up all over the rug. FML

#287682
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (133917) - you deserved it (20176)

On 03/12/2009 at 6:08pm - animals - by Noname (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I decided to tell my mom about my choice to wait to have sex until after marriage. Coming from a very christian family I thought she would be proud. Instead she laughed and said, "is that your excuse for not being able to get laid?" and walked out of the room. FML

#283028
286 comments

I agree, your life sucks (258287) - you deserved it (47604)

On 03/12/2009 at 1:53pm - intimacy - by sucks - United States

Today, I was the only one in an elevator when an attractive girl came in, talking on her phone. She told her friend, "I have to go, there's a cute guy on this elevator." Before I could even react, she turned to me and said, "Sorry for lying, I really wanted to get off the phone with her." FML

#265039
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (233217) - you deserved it (14753)

On 03/10/2009 at 9:10pm - misc - by TuralSucks (man) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, my mother and I went to Wal-Mart to buy pads. I suggested I get tampons instead, so that I can go swimming at my boyfriend's cottage. My mother then goes to the nearest store employee and asks, "excuse me, if my daughter uses a tampon, does that mean she is no longer a virgin?" FML

#251967
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (180361) - you deserved it (13152)

On 03/09/2009 at 3:30pm - intimacy - by tamponmayhem (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I opened my birthday present from my grandfather. It was a map of the USA color coded by regional percentage of available men. FML

#238786
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54150) - you deserved it (3874)

On 03/07/2009 at 11:28pm - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was walking along the street and passed a young couple. Over my shoulder I heard the girl say to her boyfriend "Would you still love me if I looked like her?" FML

#232729
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (164197) - you deserved it (10282)

On 03/07/2009 at 5:13am - misc - by Pissed Off (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, at a hard rock concert, a bunch of guys accidentally knocked down a port-a-potty while moshing. I was inside that port-a-potty. FML

#231694
157 comments

Today, it was my final meeting with my psychologist who was helping me with my bipolar disorder. I just found out that he committed suicide. FML

#225762
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (118407) - you deserved it (5616)

On 03/06/2009 at 12:11pm - health - by drakx88 (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was talking to my mom. During the conversation she asked me, "Does he take his leg off when you guys are having sex?" Referring to the guy I've been seeing who has a prosthetic leg. My dad then asked, "Does he beat you with it too if you've been naughty?" FML

#209116
320 comments

I agree, your life sucks (231414) - you deserved it (30918)

On 03/04/2009 at 6:07pm - intimacy - by Girl123999 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my wife told me that she wanted a divorce. It is also my 39th birthday today. For my birthday present, she gave me a subscription to match.com. FML

#203455
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (126908) - you deserved it (6712)

On 03/04/2009 at 12:15am - love - by you would (man) - United States (California)



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