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JazmynMarae

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JazmynMarae

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  • Number of visits : 582
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JazmynMarae's favorite FMLs

Today, I locked myself out of the house. After hours of ringing the doorbell and calling my roommate, I decided to break the window. When I finally got in, my roommate was waiting with a can of pepper spray. FML

Today, my husband called me to the bedroom to show me something. This "something" was him demonstrating his seemingly well-trained ability to accurately type out a sentence on my phone using nothing but his erect penis. FML

#18531722
290 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30337) - you deserved it (5365)

On 12/16/2011 at 10:46pm - intimacy - by anne (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was denied membership to an all-women's gym. Why? Because "men are not permitted to join". I am and have always been female. FML

#18255210
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35612) - you deserved it (3534)

On 11/15/2011 at 12:48pm - misc - by insulted - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was eating some popcorn with a guy, and I noticed a piece of hair coming out my mouth. I pulled it... and pulled it... and eventually some popcorn pieces came out attached to the end of the hair. I was so embarrassed, he tried to make me feel better by saying it looked like a magic trick. FML

#17708928
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28693) - you deserved it (3785)

On 09/10/2011 at 1:57am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had to bail my dad out of jail, for beating up my boyfriend, for sleeping with my mom. FML

#17089969
509 comments

I agree, your life sucks (131534) - you deserved it (7340)

On 07/13/2011 at 2:32am - intimacy - by whyme102008 - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out that as a supervisor, if you reprimand a female worker and end the conversation with "Now get back to making sandwiches." your boss will consider it sexism and suspend you. I work at Subway. FML

#16589228
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50288) - you deserved it (7814)

On 06/10/2011 at 1:01am - work - by MakeMeASandwich (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my 53 year-old art teacher told me she's excited about going clubbing this weekend. I'm excited about watching a special on the History Channel. FML

#16249376
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27234) - you deserved it (6053)

On 05/19/2011 at 6:11am - misc - by ThisPerson - Canada

Today, my dad bought a one hundred dollar collectible light-saber. He plays with it. In the front yard. With sound effects. FML

#15243539
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32376) - you deserved it (7016)

On 03/08/2011 at 8:15pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I was on the phone with an elderly customer at work. I had to spend 10 minutes listening to him describe how the underwear he bought was too tight and caused his bladder to leak. FML

#14913113
27 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23442) - you deserved it (2429)

On 02/09/2011 at 7:41pm - work - by spiderchick23 (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, my teacher turned around from the blackboard and screamed, "Stop chewing your gum like a cow!" That wasn't so bad.--The bad part was when she realized it was me, she apologized saying, " I am sorry. You are not really a cow. I don't want to traumatize you; you're just overweight." FML

#13836684
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33182) - you deserved it (7378)

On 11/14/2010 at 2:31am - misc - by teach (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex for the first time. He got on the bed on all fours and crawled towards me, saying "My precious... my precious" in Gollum's voice. FML

#13782516
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38917) - you deserved it (6984)

On 11/09/2010 at 9:10pm - intimacy - by single (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, we were playing a game at work where whenever someone is in the washroom, we throw a 2 inch lug nut at the door because it makes a huge bang and scares whoever is in there. I was just opening the door to exit when someone threw the nut. It hit me in the face. FML

#13383261
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10861) - you deserved it (24370)

On 10/09/2010 at 8:57pm - health - by PunctureWound - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I pretended like I was dead to my 4 year old brother. He cried my name for a couple of seconds, then took my iPhone out of my hands and ran away laughing. FML

#12760646
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13108) - you deserved it (38711)

On 08/26/2010 at 8:19pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I had to tell my doctor the real reason why I can't sleep at night for him to prescribe me anymore Ambien: I still have the irrational fear that there are monsters in the closet. I'm 22. FML

#12616432
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20241) - you deserved it (13336)

On 08/19/2010 at 12:10am - health - by Sleeeeeep - Sent from mobile version

Today, my grandmother bought a Shakeweight, an exercise tool which, basically, simulates a hand-job to tone arm fat. I get to watch my Grandmother do this motion for 6 minutes every day. FML

#10925224
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35691) - you deserved it (4637)

On 06/02/2010 at 7:00pm - intimacy - by GrandmaShakers (man) - United States (California)



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