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Jaredphamtom's favorite FMLs
by hendrixisgod86 / 05/15/2015 at 2:48pm / United States (Florida) / Transportation
by Anonymous / 05/08/2015 at 12:59pm / India (Delhi) / Intimacy
by dadoftheyear / 05/06/2015 at 11:27pm / United States / Intimacy
by anonymous / 05/06/2015 at 9:36am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
Today, I changed my toothbrush because the bristles were wearing down. My brother later asked me why I changed his toothbrush. Apparently we've been sharing the same one for the past several weeks. FML
by gross / 05/02/2015 at 2:39pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
by Ixlovexwaffles / 04/29/2015 at 4:33pm / Intimacy
Today, for the first time in my life, a girl showed interest in me. She sent me a text message saying she wanted to come over and fuck my brains out. This would've made me the happiest guy alive, if only she weren't my extremely drunk sister. FML
by Anonymous / 04/11/2015 at 4:55pm / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy
Today, at a mind-numbingly boring support session, everyone was talking about their hardships. One guy was talking about losing his leg in a car accident. I was half-asleep and asked without thinking, "Did you ever find it?" I almost shat my pants at the roomful of death glares that followed. FML
by S to the HIT / 04/08/2015 at 12:08pm / United States (California) / Work
by Anonymous / 03/26/2015 at 2:36pm / United States (Washington) / Health
by sexybelly / 03/26/2015 at 4:35am / Australia (New South Wales) / Kids
Today, my best friend confessed to having feelings for me. I've been in love with her for a long time, so I was ecstatic. She doesn't see herself ever going out with me, though, because she's a couple of inches taller and can't imagine herself "towering" over her man. FML
by falling short / 03/20/2015 at 11:26am / India (Maharashtra) / Love
Today, it was my first day working as a pharmacist. I quickly discovered that customers not only think that it makes me qualified to offer free medical advice, but they also have no qualms about showing me their various lumps, bumps, and vaginal leakages. FML
by MyPoorEyes / 03/19/2015 at 9:19am / Australia (Victoria) / Work
Today, after a 16-hour work day, I came home to my husband. I talked to him for about 10 minutes, then realized that he wasn't answering me but had his headset on and was talking on Xbox live. Not even playing a game, just talking. FML
Today, when I dropped my 6-year-old daughter off at school, a little boy ran up to her so I asked his name. My daughter explained: "Oh, don't pay any attention to him, he's my slave. He's come to carry my bag. See you later, mom!" FML
by mafille / 03/18/2015 at 11:22pm / France / Kids
Today, I took my son to the playground and watched him have fun. Minutes later, I was being shoved around and called a pedophile because I was there alone with no wife. By the time I convinced them I was innocent, my son was bawling. FML
by pledonasm / 03/15/2015 at 12:11pm / India (Maharashtra) / Kids
- 1Today, my religious dad caught my brother jerking off and decided to give us both a lecture about… 2Today, I discovered, after years of being grounded for losing my belongings, that I didn't actually… 3Today, eight tornados hit the town where I live. The only person who tried to get a hold of me and…