Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Jaredphamtom

Online | Search for a member

Jaredphamtom

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 859
  • Number of comments : 1
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

Jaredphamtom's page activity

Visits<b>NotGabe</b> - 20 hours ago<b>jessthebst</b> - the 09/08/2014 at 9:55pm<b>brookenicolee29</b> - the 09/02/2014 at 11:26pm<b>diesel_power</b> - the 09/02/2014 at 7:34pm<b>Prerogative</b> - the 08/26/2014 at 12:45am<b>HitTheRoadJacK3</b> - the 08/25/2014 at 6:41pm<b>mrmrashid</b> - the 08/25/2014 at 6:31pm<b>asia3pea90</b> - the 08/22/2014 at 10:46am<b>Chente_313</b> - the 08/22/2014 at 6:17am<b>RaspberryFlower</b> - the 08/21/2014 at 3:07am<b>VMG</b> - the 08/20/2014 at 6:49pm<b>IamFrench</b> - the 08/20/2014 at 3:19pm<b>RicanDucky</b> - the 08/20/2014 at 2:35pm<b>HowieDoIt</b> - the 08/20/2014 at 9:35am<b>mintcon</b> - the 08/20/2014 at 3:07am<b>jack_jill05</b> - the 08/19/2014 at 7:13am<b>Role448</b> - the 08/17/2014 at 3:11pm<b>Vayu</b> - the 07/19/2014 at 4:45pm

Jaredphamtom's FML badges

It’s in the can

Hey, you uploaded your photo, and you’re cute as a kitten!

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

Perfectionist

Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.

See all of Jaredphamtom's badges

Jaredphamtom's favorite FMLs

Today, I asked my dad to take me to the store so I could get some feminine hygiene products. When we got there, he went running down the aisles yelling, "Help! My daughter's bleeding to death! Where're the tampons?!" FML

#21261392
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34303) - you deserved it (3158)

On 09/19/2014 at 6:38pm - health - by tbree - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend convinced my 4-year-old sister that girls don't poop. She won't stop crying and now thinks she's a freak. FML

#21260556
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33455) - you deserved it (3290)

On 09/18/2014 at 9:16am - kids - by Anonymous - Kenya

Today, my girlfriend visited my restaurant with some guy I'd never seen before. She introduced him to me as her "new boyfriend". She was always a cold bitch, but I never saw this coming. I had to serve their food while choking back tears, and I couldn't work up the nerve to spit in it. FML

#21260464
208 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43824) - you deserved it (4156)

On 09/18/2014 at 3:32am - love - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I'm precisely one month away from graduating with a degree in translation for the sole purpose of becoming a state-authorised translator. Today, I also discovered that my government has just decided to abandon the concept of authorisation for translators. FML

#21257358
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37431) - you deserved it (2692)

On 09/13/2014 at 7:03am - work - by stupidgov (woman) - Italy

Today, I found out that my doctor wasn't kidding when he said "sudden diarrhea may occur" with my new medication. I learned this while walking my dog a mile away from my house. FML

Today, I saw a bulge in my friend's pocket. I poked it and asked, "What'cha got there?" He said, "Uh, that's my dick, Mike." FML

#21235845
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38912) - you deserved it (24024)

On 08/12/2014 at 1:05pm - intimacy - by not a dick-man (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my husband and I attended a funeral. After the service, my phone vibrated. It was a text from my husband, saying "I've got mourning wood like you wouldn't believe! get it? MOURNING. haha :D" I looked up and saw him across the room, winking at me. Not the place, honey. FML

#21234106
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46911) - you deserved it (5515)

On 08/10/2014 at 3:26pm - intimacy - by jackie89 (woman) - United Kingdom (Cornwall)

Today, I went on Facebook. The third post down was a selfie of my mom looking sad, with the caption, "God I need a good dicking." FML

#21218442
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50119) - you deserved it (11747)

On 07/23/2014 at 4:00pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I parked my motorcycle in a parking spot. When I came back, my bike had been moved and was laying on its side with a note saying, "Sorry I dropped your motorcycle I was trying to move it forward so I could park my car because there weren't any other spots." FML

#21197788
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48818) - you deserved it (6196)

On 07/03/2014 at 9:30pm - misc - by AJL - United States

Today, my grandma got a new boyfriend. She dumped the old one because "His wife was taking too long to die." FML

#21195046
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49794) - you deserved it (4165)

On 07/01/2014 at 1:31pm - love - by carebear1228 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my coworker was telling me about his mom, when he asked about mine. I told him that I've never met my mom, because she died during my childbirth. It's a very painful subject for me, but all the same, my coworkers have decided they'll now only address me as "Tyrion". FML

#21178277
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43278) - you deserved it (4106)

On 06/17/2014 at 4:30pm - misc - by the lannisters send their retards - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I collected a package from a handsome UPS guy. We exchanged smiles, and he even noticeably checked me out. I was feeling really confident for the first time in a while. Then I went inside and saw that I had two huge breastmilk spots on my chest. FML

Today, I sent my girlfriend a request to confirm our relationship on Facebook. She accepted, then changed her screen name into "His Hand". FML

#21169063
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51219) - you deserved it (11157)

On 06/10/2014 at 12:02am - love - by MiserableMan (man) - Vietnam (Ho Chi Minh)

Today, some pig slapped my ass as he passed me in the street, then looked back at me with a dirty grin. His grin turned to horror when he realized that I'm actually a guy, then to anger as he bitched me out for "tricking" him by "looking like a chick". FML

#21167190
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56708) - you deserved it (6837)

On 06/08/2014 at 2:32pm - misc - by 404: sense not found (man) - United States (California)

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time over dinner. I had to use the bathroom part way through, and ended up taking the foulest dump of my life. I cracked open a window on my way out, but my boyfriend's dad went in soon after, quickly retching and booming "What the fuck?!" FML

#21151127
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47426) - you deserved it (7217)

On 05/25/2014 at 12:09pm - misc - by great 1st impression (woman) - United Kingdom (Derby)



Korrig'Anne's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Korrig'Anne's illustrated FML
  • So, have you ordered it? Have you got it? No? Yes? Do you have any idea of what I'm talking about? OK, for the normal people, I'm talking about the new iPhone 6. Apparently, it came out today. I'm not…

Friday 19 September 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: