About Januzane : Hey you over there! Yes you. Grab a seat while I stare at you and tell stories about turtles and trains.
Januzane's FML badges
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
Keen reader – Level: master ninja
You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
Keen reader – Level: student ninja
You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
Januzane's favorite FMLs
by Argh / 11/03/2013 at 3:18pm / France (Poitou-Charentes) / Miscellaneous
Today, I had a panic attack when a huge spider ran over my hand. I screamed, wailed, and killed it with a shoe while shouting. Ten minutes later, police slammed on my door. My neighbor called them, saying it sounded like someone was being murdered. FML
by katchoo / 11/03/2013 at 2:34am / Denmark / Animals
Today, an old man looked me dead in the eyes as he reached into my tip jar, grabbed the money, and then walked out of the store as if nothing ever happened. I was so shocked that I couldn't do anything to stop him. FML
by brokeasajoke / 11/01/2013 at 8:58am / United States (Oklahoma) / Money
by Anonymous / 10/31/2013 at 4:42pm / United Kingdom (Leicester) / Health
Today, I was wearing a letterman jacket that had my school name and "Okinawa Japan" on the back. A high school kid walks up to me and says, "I can't forgive you people for bombing Pearl Harbor." I'm black. FML
by The_FN_Gunny / 10/29/2013 at 6:31pm / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 10/29/2013 at 1:01pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Love
Today, I was leaving the grocery store when an old woman started yelling at me for not holding the door open for her. She accused me of being "everything wrong with the younger generation". It was an automatic door. FML
by Greg / 10/28/2013 at 5:53pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
by snowwhite / 10/28/2013 at 12:51am / Australia (New South Wales) / Intimacy
Today, I got into a fight with my mother. Her idea of a birthday present to me is buying me a husband. Yes, buying. She told an asshat she found online about my trust fund, and now they're both trying to put together "the wedding of the millennium". She still doesn't understand why I'm mad. FML
by mn_shr / 10/25/2013 at 9:25pm / Qatar (Ad Dawhah) / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend told me how jealous he gets when I "hang out" with Dylan. Dylan is the 5-year-old boy whom I babysit every day. My boyfriend wants me to stop, because apparently Dylan cockblocks him. FML
by Anonymous / 10/25/2013 at 8:49pm / United States (Michigan) / Love
Today, I got a call from my daughter’s school today. She had been telling the teacher, "I have a huge boner." Apparently, some of the kids at school told her it meant 'headache' and she's been saying it all day. FML
by momaaa1342 / 10/20/2013 at 11:51pm / United States (Illinois) / Kids
by the_lameo_geek / 10/20/2013 at 10:16pm / United States (New Mexico) / Miscellaneous
by Teiu88 / 10/20/2013 at 10:34am / Canada (Ontario) / Health
Today, after recently complaining that the reality show "The Great Norway Adventure" portrays us as a country of nationalistic rednecks, I saw my drunk dad chasing my uncle on a tractor while bellowing the national anthem at the top of his lungs. FML
by overly nationalistic redneck / 10/19/2013 at 3:37pm / Norway (Hordaland) / Miscellaneous
Today, I woke up with a raging hangover. I soon checked my phone, only to find that I'd drunkenly sent nude pictures to several friends' numbers, as well as to my own. I'd then replied to my own message, saying that I'm not gay and telling myself to fuck off. FML
by Anonymous / 10/18/2013 at 1:30pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 2Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's… 3Today, I'm still reeling over the unexpected loss of my co-worker. I also received a notification…