JaneDoexD

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JaneDoexD

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 7462
  • Number of comments : 21
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 4 posted

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JaneDoexD's page activity

Visits<b>TheEliteShark69</b> - the 08/08/2013 at 5:08pm

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JaneDoexD's favorite FMLs

Today, after a great first date, he leaned in to kiss me. I held my breath slightly. This resulted in me breathing out through my nose, blowing a huge snot bubble, which then burst on his face. He looked at me in horror and walked away. FML

by stoych / 10/08/2012 at 3:14am / United Kingdom / Love

Today, I surprised my boyfriend with a bag containing condoms and sexy lingerie. He looks into it and says, "I hope you kept the receipt." FML

by juliette / 10/08/2012 at 1:39am / United States (Arizona) / Intimacy

Today, I was cooking something I knew would make a lot of smoke, so I asked my teenage daughter to tape a bag over the smoke detector. She said she did, so I cooked; the alarm went off and firemen came. She hadn't taped over the smoke detector, she'd taped it over the doorbell. FML

by Anonymous / 10/08/2012 at 1:31am / United States (California) / Kids

Today, I realized that my life would make an excellent meme: Nerd girl goes to college, finally loses virginity; gets chlamydia. FML

by Unfortunate / 10/07/2012 at 8:24pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy

Today, I was telling my co-workers about how I'd gotten tickets to a concert in a few days. My boss overheard. Later, he told me I now have to work on the night of the concert. However, he was kind enough to offer to buy the tickets off me for half of what I'd paid for them. FML

by working_as_usual / 10/07/2012 at 8:09pm / United States (California) / Work

Today, my right ear drum ruptured. My family doesn't understand that I only lost hearing in one ear and continues to talk about me behind my back, thinking I can't hear them. FML

by lbelle / 10/07/2012 at 7:39pm / Canada (Quebec) / Health

Today, while working at the daycare, I had to clean the entire place. During the next four hours, I scooped up three human teeth, a rotten log of shit, a tire iron, a condom wrapper, and a yogurt that expired in 2003. I only cleaned the place a week ago. FML

by Skidmark Sally / 10/07/2012 at 5:41pm / United States (New Mexico) / Kids

Today, I had to call the cops to break up a fistfight at my mother's funeral. It turns out my two brothers care more about having a pissing match over their favorite football teams than they do honoring our mother's memory. FML

by RIP / 10/07/2012 at 2:34pm / Finland (Southern Finland) / Kids

Today, my boyfriend learned how to somersault. He now thinks that he's a ninja and somersaults into every room. FML

by justabitembarrassed / 10/07/2012 at 10:20am / United States (Ohio) / Love

Today, my boyfriend discovered that if he pulls out during doggy-style and rubs my clit with the tip of his penis, he will be rewarded with a queef. He found it hilarious and tested it out 5 more times. FML

by SoSexy / 10/07/2012 at 6:25am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I left the hospital after having knee surgery. While trying to find my balance on my crutches, I was holding onto the roof of the car. My mum slammed the car door shut, not noticing my hand. I can barely even bend my fingers to hold onto my crutches. FML

by badluckbrianna / 10/07/2012 at 1:43am / Canada (Ontario) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my teenage daughter asked me how old I was when I lost my virginity. I sarcastically replied that I'm still a virgin. She looked at me blankly and said, "Jeez, no wonder you're so uptight. You need to get laid, mom." FML

by TheVirginJenny / 10/06/2012 at 8:05pm / United States (Washington) / Kids

Today, I had to pry my sister's used tampon out from between my dog's jaws. FML

by banj0 / 10/06/2012 at 6:58pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Animals

Today, I was fiddling around with the thermostat at my new place. For a laugh, I twisted the knob all the way to 40° celsius, when it snapped off. I don't have a clue how to fix it. FML

by didntknowyoucouldbreakit / 10/06/2012 at 4:29pm / New Zealand (Auckland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had a big argument with my girlfriend, after she tried to stop me going home, even though it was already past my curfew. I got home, only to find out I'm grounded for staying out late, and dumped for being "inconsiderate". FML

by Anonymous / 10/06/2012 at 2:27pm / Philippines (Rizal) / Love