JadeKnives

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Offline (the 09/06/2014 at 6:50am)

JadeKnives

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 1 April 1998 (18 years old)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 5640
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

About JadeKnives : Just message if you want to know stuff about me.

JadeKnives's page activity

Visits<b>watchwhileusleep</b> - the 09/01/2014 at 10:16pm<b>amoredeniro</b> - the 07/27/2014 at 2:04pm<b>elial</b> - the 07/24/2014 at 4:35am<b>Rebecca4826</b> - the 07/09/2014 at 6:04am<b>tea_brewer</b> - the 06/02/2014 at 1:53pm<b>tifdunc</b> - the 06/01/2014 at 11:26pm<b>awesommessofpies</b> - the 12/16/2013 at 10:48pm<b>lamalie</b> - the 12/15/2013 at 12:12am<b>carecow</b> - the 12/14/2013 at 10:14pm<b>jaminben</b> - the 11/01/2013 at 8:05pm<b>kaiyybee</b> - the 10/23/2013 at 10:54am<b>Bouh</b> - the 10/13/2013 at 2:39pm<b>Pixela7</b> - the 10/10/2013 at 10:42pm<b>LaurenFox</b> - the 10/09/2013 at 6:45pm<b>Funnyman324</b> - the 10/08/2013 at 3:28pm<b>sCrEaMiNgToAsT</b> - the 08/23/2013 at 4:19am<b>TrueTriage</b> - the 08/02/2013 at 3:33pm<b>Ruben_alves</b> - the 08/02/2013 at 3:12pm

JadeKnives's FML badges

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

Judgmental

You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

Socialite

You’ve used FML’s private messaging service for the first time. Will they reply? Wait and see…

See all of JadeKnives's badges

JadeKnives's favorite FMLs

Today, I thought the public restroom I was in was empty, so I started rapping. I realized the room was not empty when, recognizing the song, the person one stall over joined in. FML

by crappingrapping / 05/21/2013 at 11:01am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, the extremely uncooperative client whom I'm trying to defend in court sent me a letter in which he threatened to sue me, because charging him for my services supposedly violates his "constipational rights". FML

by harrington61 / 05/19/2013 at 5:27pm / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, I woke up to my friend stroking my face with the bottom of his foot and whispering, "Shh, you're okay." FML

by Anonymous / 05/13/2013 at 6:05pm / United States (Hawaii) / Miscellaneous

Today, my cousin thought it would be funny to make copies of my house keys and give it to random people on the street. I live alone and work a 12 hour shift daily. FML

by Baikal / 05/12/2013 at 12:09am / Singapore / Miscellaneous

Today, I caught my 14-year-old daughter stealing alcohol from me. After berating her for half-an-hour I finally said, "At least you're not doing drugs." She gave me a guilty smile and sheepishly said, "At least I'm not a prostitute?" FML

by prostitott / 05/04/2013 at 3:22am / Kids

Today, walking by myself, I was caught up in a group of people that got arrested, and we all got fined for creating a public disturbance. When I explained I wasn't with them, the group backed me up. The police thought I was the ringleader, and now I have to go to court. FML

by Anonymous / 05/03/2013 at 9:14pm / Netherlands / Miscellaneous

Today, walking by myself, I was caught up in a group of people that got arrested, and we all got fined for creating a public disturbance. When I explained I wasn't with them, the group backed me up. The police thought I was the ringleader, and now I have to go to court. FML

by Anonymous / 05/03/2013 at 9:14pm / Netherlands / Miscellaneous

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend for the first time, and she reached down to feel me up. When her hands got there, she stopped and said, "You're not even hard..." I was. FML

by Anonymous / 04/24/2013 at 2:56pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend said he felt like eating icing. So I baked him cupcakes, put icing on them and decorated them. When I handed them to him, he picked off the decoration, licked the icing and handed the cupcake back to me, saying, "I told you that's all I wanted." FML

by Cupcakes / 04/15/2013 at 1:11am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, while working the drive-through, a woman ordered a large coffee with four creams. I handed her the coffee, and she took a sip. She then hurled it at me, screaming, "I said four creams, not five!" and sped off, leaving me drenched in hot coffee. FML

by Anonymous / 04/05/2013 at 12:26pm / United States / Work

Today, my dad yet again uttered the words "well, that escalated quickly," while watching the news. He uses this godforsaken meme multiple times a day. I lost my shit and told him to just shut up already. He raised an eyebrow and said, "well, that escalated quickly." FML

by fuck you dad / 03/30/2013 at 2:17pm / Ireland (Monaghan) / Miscellaneous

Today, I awoke to my husband talking to someone on the phone at 2am. I heard him say, "Baby you're making me hard." Immediately, I asked him who he was talking to. His response? "It's Jake, from State Farm." FML

by anonymous / 03/27/2013 at 7:55pm / United States (Hawaii) / Intimacy

Today, I took an afternoon nap, and when I woke up, it was pitch black outside. Still groggy, I went downstairs, only to see my dad sporting a shocked expression and a suspiciously powder-white beard. He actually almost convinced me that I'd just woken up from a five year coma. FML

by Anonymous / 02/17/2013 at 12:56am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I was walking down the street in the dark, and the woman in front of me kept looking back nervously. I jokingly assured her that I wasn't a mugger. She then took out a knife and mugged me. FML

by Anonymous / 02/13/2013 at 7:00pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Money

Today, I realized that the air freshener in my bathroom and the air freshener in my girlfriend's bedroom are the exact same scent. Now, every time I go to the bathroom I get an erection, and every time my girlfriend and I have sex in her room, I think about shitting. FML

by thefriedman / 02/11/2013 at 11:59pm / United States (California) / Intimacy