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Jacob_Stoops

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Jacob_Stoops

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 19 August 1997 (17 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 152
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

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Jacob_Stoops's page activity

Visits<b>ceraseerin</b> - the 08/08/2013 at 12:11pm<b>DetroitDov</b> - the 06/30/2013 at 1:37am<b>Zoeythedinosaur</b> - the 06/29/2013 at 7:23pm<b>semper_amo</b> - the 06/24/2013 at 9:50pm

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Jacob_Stoops's favorite FMLs

Today, I finally talked my boyfriend into going down on me. Everything went well until I came and instinctively gripped his head with my thighs. He panicked and we both rolled off of the bed crocodile-style. Now he's too scared to even have sex with me. FML

#20816318
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51728) - you deserved it (11183)

On 08/02/2013 at 12:39am - intimacy - by whyeventry? (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I was reading in my apartment. Due to a heatwave and my lack of AC, I was completely naked. My cat jumped onto my lap, and as her claws dug into my stomach, I recoiled. This caused her to retreat, clawing at my nether regions in the process. My pussy mauled my pussy. FML

#20810087
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51322) - you deserved it (11686)

On 07/29/2013 at 5:18pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I was in a restroom, reading this site, when another gentleman walked in. He washed his hands, dried them, nodded at me, then left. It wouldn't ordinarily be so weird, except I was in a one-person restroom. FML

#20784458
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48758) - you deserved it (8106)

On 07/15/2013 at 3:25pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, I went to the pool. As I started going up the steps to use the water slide, a kid no older than 10 yanked my swim trunks down to "see what's down there." FML

Today, one of my co-workers was fired after my manager discovered him pissing in the office coffee pot. I had three cups before I found out what had happened. FML

#20780355
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49909) - you deserved it (3984)

On 07/13/2013 at 5:10pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Maryland)

Today, after a haircut, I walked to the cash register, handed the hairdresser a $20 bill and said, "Keep the change." He looked at me with a blank expression and replied, "The haircut costs 25 dollars." FML

#20773985
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29424) - you deserved it (45321)

On 07/10/2013 at 8:38am - misc - by RickTheBoy (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I finally worked up the courage to ask my crush to a movie. What I didn't realise is that she would bring a "friend" along, and that I would have to sit next to them making out for 2 hours. FML

#20772026
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53042) - you deserved it (4371)

On 07/09/2013 at 7:05am - love - by thirdwheel - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my grandmother made a rule that every time we take a crap, she has to examine the turds to make sure they aren't big enough to clog up the pipes. I don't know what's worse: that she looks at my turds, or the fact that she actively comments on them. FML

#20740202
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43895) - you deserved it (3197)

On 06/22/2013 at 1:01am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I spotted a girl I have a crush on while grocery shopping. Before I could go over and say hi, I noticed her walk over and stroke a few kitchen knives through plastic wrapping. Then I spotted her in the dog food section sniffing rawhide bones with her eyes closed, looking very happy. FML

#20165046
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20894) - you deserved it (2781)

On 11/16/2012 at 12:58am - misc - by grocerystalker (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was sexing it up with my boyfriend. Halfway through, he looked at me and said, "Y'know what you never see in a porno? Intellectual conversation. Read any good books lately?" He wouldn't keep going until I answered. FML

#18764509
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26501) - you deserved it (6233)

On 01/10/2012 at 4:36am - intimacy - by eakthegeek - United States

Today, I got a letter of complaint from my landlord. It said my loud, obnoxious trampling is disturbing my downstairs neighbor, and I have to stop. I'm small and hardly weigh anything, but it seems that if I want to keep my lease, I'll have to master the art of levitating. FML

#18281989
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25893) - you deserved it (2793)

On 11/18/2011 at 3:49pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, a friend posted the Facebook status "Ahhh... relief." Trying to be funny, I replied "Why? Did you just poop?" A few hours later, I read her previous posts and found out her dad's in the hospital having heart surgery. Now everyone thinks I'm a heartless dick. FML

#16867532
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13931) - you deserved it (46522)

On 06/26/2011 at 4:25pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, my toilet decided it wouldn't take any more shit from me, and flooded the bathroom. FML

#16299538
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36909) - you deserved it (6055)

On 05/22/2011 at 4:31pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I realized the birthmark I have on my chest isn't a birthmark at all; it's a third nipple. FML

#14534141
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38141) - you deserved it (4072)

On 01/10/2011 at 3:35pm - health - by triplenipple (man) - Sweden (Skane Lan)

Today, in the wee hours of the morning I decided to make a naked dash to the bathroom, unfortunately, my dad decided to do the same thing at the exact same time. FML

#13874873
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35272) - you deserved it (8905)

On 11/17/2010 at 8:26am - misc - by mydadsawsooomuch (woman) - United States (Kentucky)



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