I'm a veteran of the United States Army after receiving a Medical Board after almost 2 years of military service. I am currently at home, and unemployed, because I can't find a job in today's shitty economy. If i want to make money again, I'd have to rejoin the Army. Seeing as I have a mdeical disability, I can't. Fucky My Life
Today, I went to see a movie. While buying tickets, the girl behind the counter asked to show my ID card to proof I'm at least 16 years old. Not wanting to make a drama, I showed it. She took a look at it and declared it as fake. That ID is real and I'm 24. FML
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On 07/28/2009 at 1:25pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Belgium (Limburg)
Today, I was at the Wild Animal Park. There were bees everywhere. One brave bee, thinking he was Mr. Macho, flew right down my tank top in between my boobs. I freaked the hell out and ended up screaming and pulling down my shirt to get the bee out. I flashed about 10 kids and their families. FML
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On 07/28/2009 at 1:00am - kids - by bsaucedo (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I brought my lunch to work in the only box I had lying around my apartment - a small one from FedEx. When I went to the bathroom before lunch, I returned to my desk to find that one of my coworkers had mailed my lunch back to my apartment. FML
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On 07/27/2009 at 3:12pm - work - by fedexed (man) - United States (California)
Today, I was babysitting some kids and helping them make a poster about insects. They couldn't think of any more insects to add so I suggested a spider, and got told to "not be a dumbass, spiders aren't insects they're arachnids." The girl is six. FML
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On 07/27/2009 at 12:52pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (London)
Today, I took a call. Wrong number. A few seconds later, they called back and I told her that she had the wrong number. She said she just hit redial and didn't understand how she got me again. I tried to explain how redial works. She called me a moron and hung up. Then my phone rang again. FML
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On 05/12/2009 at 1:39pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Minnesota)
Today, I was hanging out with my boyfriend when we started messing around. Things were getting really hot when he gets a call from his best friend whose grandfather had just died. As they were talking and I heard her crying, he unzips his pants and mouths, "She won't know." FML
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On 04/27/2009 at 8:43pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Indiana)
Today, I thought it would be funny to fart in my roommates mouth while he was asleep. I walked over to him and pulled my pyjamas down and let loose. To my surprise it was a very wet one and I accidently took a dump on his face, he woke up and beat me until I was bleeding. FML
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On 04/18/2009 at 1:09am - health - by dumptaker (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I had to perform a lab in front of my bio class. I was mixing chemicals, when someone made a comment saying "What if it blows up?." Hearing it, I gave a 2 minute explanation about how it was impossible for it to explode. Two seconds later, the entire beaker exploded in my face. FML
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On 04/16/2009 at 8:19pm - misc - by biologyfailure. (man) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I performed in my school play. Right before my big solo, I noticed a few girls changing backstage and I became aroused. The play was Jesus Christ Superstar, and I was playing Jesus. All I was wearing was a little cloth, so the whole audience saw Jesus get hard during the crucifixion. FML
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On 04/14/2009 at 11:27pm - intimacy - by jizzlemonster13 (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I was carrying some luggage downstairs to put in my car to head back to college. My brother told me my shoes were untied. He said he would tie them for me as I was carrying luggage. I proceeded in falling down the stairs because he thought it would be funny to tie them together. FML
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On 04/14/2009 at 9:16pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (South Carolina)
Today, my mom scooped the litter box right before I went to work. I brown bagged my lunch this morning. She brown bagged the poop from the litter box. Both were on the counter. Guess which one I brought to work? FML
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On 04/14/2009 at 1:09pm - misc - by chriss (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, cops showed up at my apartment demanding to look inside. Satisfied with the search, they told me they had received a noise complaint. More specifically, hearing screams someone believed a girl was getting raped. I had two friends over and we had been wrestling. The three of us are male. FML
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On 04/14/2009 at 10:05am - intimacy - by Obee (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I was talking to a guy I met online and have known for 4 years. I've fallen in love with him twice, one of those times being currently. He was supposed to visit this summer. I got an email from him saying he's really a 17 year old girl from Chesterfield, MO. FML
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On 04/14/2009 at 9:45am - love - by oxbbabexo (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I was working as a manager of the local movie theather. This six year old came in with no parents or anyone else. When I asked him where his parents were he looked at me and said, "Shut up white boy, I don't have to listen to your shit." I just got told by a six year old. FML
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On 04/13/2009 at 8:44pm - work - by brad3720 (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, while working at a restaurant, I watched someone throw their car door open and hit the side of my brand new car for the third time this week. I told the woman to be more careful. She told my manager that I was being racist. As I was being yelled at, I watched her hit my car again, smiling. FML
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On 04/10/2009 at 2:59am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Montana)
