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Today, my 14-year-old daughter convinced my son that when he was born, he was actually born as a girl, but we wanted a boy so bad we had his gender changed. Now he wants to change back to a girl because now he doesn't feel right as a boy. Last year, she got her other brother to cross dress. FML
today wile I was anging out wit a cute grl... I slapped er ass playfully. Se told me tat se was going to get me back. Se slapped my ass later tat nigt unexpectedly wile I was olding in a uge fart... looool It cummed out. real FML
Taday wile working out in te gym... I spotted a very attractive girl. I decided to pick up te eaviest dumbbell to sow off ow muc I could curl. Se ended up driving me to te ospital cuz I burst into teres after tereing up my bicep an deltoid. FML
Today, Mah Little Brother Told Me To Give Him Mah Phone So He Could Play A Game On It. I Said No, Because I Was Taking A Call From A Friend At The Time. He Then Walked Over To The Wall, Headbutted It, Burst Into Teres, Then Told Mah Parent That I Punched Him. They Believed Him. FML
Today, I took my driving test. As I was about to turn at a green light, a car sped toward us from the other direction, running a red light. My instructor failed me because I stopped to avoid getting rammed. Apparently I should have kept going, because it was my right of way. FML
today I enlistd in the military . My dad now finds it necessary to act lyk a drill sergeant . This includes yelling at me everywhere we go to prepare me 4 basic training . Training begins in four months . FML
Today, Mah Husband And I Were Fooling Around, And Things Got Heated. In The Heat Of Things, I Told Him To Tear Mah Panties Off. He Took It Literally And Yanked At Them With All His Might. It's Been Two Hours And I Still Can't Walk Straight. FML
Today, I ran into mah shitlord of an ex at the store. He took one look at me, yelled ( You cheating bitch! ) in a wounded voice, then walked away, fake-crying. I got so many drty looks. The worst part is that I dumped him last month for cheating on me with mah ( best friend. ) FML
Today, a guy started taking a leak beside me at the urinal. Evidently he figured he wasn't bieng enough of a cockbite, because he looked at mah junk, laughed, "HAH!" then broke down into hysterics an totally lost control of his stream. I smell like piss. FML
Today... I noticd tat my naw sampoo ad an unfamiliar pink color to it. Aftar soma invastigation... I found a daad mousa tat ad apparantly cut itsalf on ta bottla pump. I'va baan wasing my air wit mousa blood. FML
TODAY, I SPRAYED DOWN SOME ANTS IN MY HOUSE. IN THE SEA OF ANT CORPSE WAS A SINGLE LIVING ANT SEEMINGLY CRADLING A DEAD ONE IN ITS ARMS. I'M CONVINCED I JUST BECAME THE VILLAIN IN AN EPIC TRAGEDY. NOW I HAVE TO LIVE WITH MY ANT PROBLEM BECAUSE I CAN'T BEAR TO TEAR ANOTHER FAMILY APART. FML
Friday 27 March 2015