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Jaaared_

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Jaaared_
  • Town/Country : San Antonio
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 276
  • Number of comments : 36
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About Jaaared_ : I play guitar. I'm getting my pilot's license.

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Jaaared_'s favorite FMLs

Today, my house was robbed. My two 70-pound German Shepherds obeyed me when I told them to attack. They also obeyed the robber when he said, "Sit". FML

#21113538
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29709) - you deserved it (2500)

On 04/15/2014 at 8:08am - animals - by stupiddog (man) - United States (California)

Today, my co-worker started talking in third person. Not only that, but he narrates his daily tasks. "Jeff reached for a stapler", "Jeff stapled a report". I have to sit beside this chimp for 8 hours a day, and nothing I say can end this. FML

Today, I realized how boring and sexually deprived my life is when I found a gas station ten cents cheaper than the one I usually use. It gave me both an asthma attack and an erection, simultaneously. FML

#21107421
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39141) - you deserved it (5640)

On 04/08/2014 at 3:56am - misc - by the long distance guy - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I discovered that the laser disc player I used to have was not in fact a laser disc player but a Pioneer Laseractive. Broken ones sell on eBay for $200 and working ones sell for around $1000. I sold a working one for less than $100-worth of credit at a second-hand store. FML

#21102658
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32534) - you deserved it (15376)

On 04/02/2014 at 4:20am - misc - by Sad Nerd (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, a tiny worm was wriggling across the screen of my Mac laptop. I tried to wipe it away with my thumb, but it just kept crawling. Turns out the worm lives *inside* my screen, beneath the glass. FML

#21092367
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39851) - you deserved it (3757)

On 03/21/2014 at 1:14am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I learned the worst part about being dared to shave your ass hair: Stubble. FML

#21079543
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34330) - you deserved it (13951)

On 03/06/2014 at 9:54am - health - by DaggerHole (man) - Australia

Today, my mother asked me why her new airsoft gun wasn't working. I explained to her that it doesn't actually shoot air, it requires pellets too. She looked at me like I was too stupid to be her son. FML

#21078133
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35669) - you deserved it (2529)

On 03/04/2014 at 7:09pm - kids - by Drizztreri - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was trying to study for a test when my brother and his friends decided to play the chant game, meaning one person yells something weird and everyone else has to say it back without laughing. All I heard for about two hours was them yelling things like, "DICK NIPPLES." FML

#21069920
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33473) - you deserved it (2856)

On 02/23/2014 at 10:59pm - misc - by DIY560 - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, after my car being in the shop for over a day and with no updates from the dealership, I decided to pay them a visit. The place was almost empty, and they hadn't done any work on my car. But judging by the used condom on my back seat, somebody got their own oil checked. FML

#21053684
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42165) - you deserved it (3481)

On 02/07/2014 at 7:28pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was driving along when I noticed a kid struggling to push his car up the crest of a hill. I jumped out to help him, and he acted surprised to see me. Once we got the car over the hill, it rolled on down. I then saw that no one was actually in the driver's seat. I'd helped a vandal. FML

#21052299
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41473) - you deserved it (7505)

On 02/06/2014 at 11:54am - misc - by Delanto - United States

Today, I presented my child with the classic "Who came first, the chicken or the egg?" conundrum. In return, I got a detailed lecture on how birds evolved from dinosaurs, how life was created in the sea and an explanation about evolution. I got schooled by a 9 year old. FML

#21051355
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39706) - you deserved it (20487)

On 02/05/2014 at 2:52pm - kids - by Evolution mama (woman) - Iceland (Gullbringusysla)

Today, my mom took a picture of me. All she could say about the picture was, "At least your sister is pretty." 5ML

#21038006
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36861) - you deserved it (3076)

On 01/24/2014 at 7:36am - love - by MH - Norway (Rogaland)

Today, I watched my father attempt to light a cigar with the stove and end up burning off some hair and eyebrows. He tried to play it cool, said, "Haircuts are too expensive these days anyway." and walked out, his head smoking. This man is a college professor. FML

Today, I asked my husband to try a little foreplay for once, instead of just rushing into sex. His idea of foreplay was to sweetly whisper that he was going to "penis" me so hard. That's the first time I've heard the word "penis" used as a verb, and hopefully the last. FML

#21007475
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43459) - you deserved it (4923)

On 12/27/2013 at 5:39pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, the girl of my dreams said yes when I asked her out. Our conversation afterward consisted of her telling me "no one can know" and saying she doesn't want to do things normal couples do. I'm basically in the deepest level of the "friendzone": the friendzoned boyfriend. FML

#20983541
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47208) - you deserved it (4275)

On 12/07/2013 at 1:56am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States



Bénédicte's illustrated FML

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FML's blog

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  • "If drawing stuff is the food of love, then get a better pencil." That's not a real expression, I just made it up because I needed a good opening line. It's not even that good of an opening line, but…

Thursday 10 April 2014

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