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JJBADGE10's favorite FMLs
Today, I came home to find all of the wood in my house either broken or gone. On the now legless table there was a note from my mother, saying that she needed the wood to build a boat, and that I will thank her when the world ends. FML
by woodless / 12/09/2012 at 10:29am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
by ouch. / 12/08/2012 at 5:44am / Canada (Yukon Territory) / Love
Today, my mom bitched me out and threatened to send me to a Bible camp, after catching me admiring a photo of a bikini model, which is apparently "immoral behavior." This is the same woman who cheated on my dad twice, justifying it by claiming the devil tempted her. FML
by sonofahypocriticalwhore / 12/07/2012 at 12:06pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I was diagnosed with pneumonia. My breathing is short and heavy, and I wanted my boyfriend to comfort me. Instead, he called me Darth Vader, patted me on the head, and said, "Don't worry, the Force will be with you." FML
by Emily / 12/05/2012 at 12:55pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Health
by JessThompson / 12/05/2012 at 11:50am / Canada (Ontario) / Kids
by Anonymous / 12/01/2012 at 12:59am / United States (Missouri) / Love
by mountains / 11/18/2012 at 7:47pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 11/14/2012 at 4:28pm / United States (Colorado) / Intimacy
Today, my boss told me to cut my long hair. After coming back to work with a clean cut hairstyle, he apparently thought I was the new guy, and said I was going to be trained by "The long-haired girly-looking idiot." FML
by Anonymous / 11/14/2012 at 1:10pm / United States (California) / Work
Today, I brought a fluorescent tube to the store to make sure I got the correct replacement. Trying to charm the sexy cashier, I waved the tube in the air, saying "I need a new light sabre, there is no force left in this one and the Empire is attacking." Turns out she'd never heard of Star Wars. FML
by hclagopus / 11/14/2012 at 6:39am / Norway / Geek
Today, I was looking at tattoos and fell in love with a really cool looking one, so I decided to get it. I later showed it to a friend who is a cop. He informed me that it is a gang tattoo. I think I just put a target on my ankle. FML
by scaredinnyc / 11/13/2012 at 8:03pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous
Today, I found a wounded turkey in our backyard. I brought it inside, put it in a cage, and tended to its wounds. I then left. When I got back home, I smelled the wonderful aroma of my mother's cooking. She had prepared a turkey, the one I'd rescued. FML
by Anonymous / 11/13/2012 at 6:17pm / United States (Vermont) / Animals
by Anonymous / 11/13/2012 at 6:34am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Money
Today, I was working at the checkout of a nearly empty store, so I picked up an empty box, closed my eyes, and slow-danced with it to the 80s love ballad playing on the radio. I don't know what's worse, dancing with a box, or opening my eyes to see ten or so wary customers waiting to be served. FML
by foreveralone / 11/13/2012 at 5:23am / Australia (New South Wales) / Work
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I received a phone call, angry at me for not calling my dad on Father's Day. When I told her…
- Today, it was my boyfriend and my six-month anniversary. I've really fallen in love with him, and I… Today, I found out that my husband has more topless pictures of his ex on his computer than he does… Today, I found out that my mum has been texting my ex-boyfriend to tell him what a dick he is. FML