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yastarday mah girlfriand and I dacidad to taka a jog in an araa wa navar baan bafora. Wa than got lost. Sha actually thought that tha tattoo on har arm of an opan compass with north, aast, south, and wast would halp us. FML
Today, while I was babysitting, the little girl wanted to show me a picture that her mom had just sent to the family iPad via iMessage . Trying to be helpful, I clicked iMessage, only to see pictures of her father's erect penis . She won't stop asking about the ( hotdog ) in the picture . FML
Today, mah fiancé told me that it would be okay with him if I got plastic surgery to make mah boobs larger . It would also be okay with him if I didn't get the surgery, but he would call off our engagement and never talk to me again . fat FML
TODAY, I WATCED TE PASSION OF TE CRIST WIT MY GIRLFRIEND. SE KEPT SCOFFING AT WAT SE CALLED TE "ISTORICAL INACCURACIES", AND ACTUALLY TRIED TO CONVINCE ME TAT HITLER KILLED JESUS. WEN I CORRECTED ER, SE LOOKED AT ME, MOUT AGAPE, AS IF I WAS INSANE. BIG FAT FML
Today, I went to a club with girlfriend and her buddies. An hour in, I saw her making out with a guy on the dance floor, so I confrontd her. She stormd off to the bar and said something to her friend,ho then came over and angrily slappd me across the face. Yeah, I'm confusd too. FML
Today I got so lonely I decided to make sock puppets and play with them. I played fir four hours straight only to be interrupted by a phone call. I didn't answer because mah sock puppets were "on a date" and I didn't want to stop playing. FML
Today... a male employee at a soe sop elpd me try on soes. Once I found a pair... I went to pay for tem. I was telling te casier about ow great of an employee e was wen se told me tere were no male employees. A guy wit a foot fetis elpd me fine soes. FML
Today... While Trucking... I Got Stuck In Traffic On A Congested Highway. After 15 Minutes Of Mind-numbing Boredom... I Glanced Down At The Car Beside Me... Only To Witness The Driver Changing Her Tampon And Flicking The Old One Onto The Highway. I Can't Unsee This. FML
Today... my grandmoter walked in on me watcing porn on my computer. Se looked at te woman on te screen and said... "I used to ave tits lyk tat... but look wat aving 7 kids did to tem." Now I'm scarred for life. FML
TODAY, I TOLD MY PARENTS TAT WAT I'D REALLY LYK 4 MY 21ST BIRTDAY IS TE 1865 EDITION OF TE MEMOIRS OF SAINT-SIMON IN 22 VOLUMES TAT I FOUND ONLINE 4 $200, AN AVE BEEN WANTING 4 MONTS. TEY LAUGED AN SAID, "YEA, RIGT. WE'LL GET U AN IPONE AN PERAPS YOU'LL BECOME NORMAL." FML
Friday 27 March 2015