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JFloUnknown's favorite FMLs
by fmyhabit / 04/15/2011 at 1:34am / United States (Utah) / Intimacy
Today, during a major argument with my girlfriend, I shoved a door open, which then rebounded and hit me in the face. I'm not sure which is more pathetic: that I was savaged by a door, or that I made up a story about kicking a mugger's ass to explain the huge black eye to my coworkers. FML
by Anonymous / 04/14/2011 at 8:53pm / Canada (Alberta) / Love
Today, my boyfriend finally let me take his dog on a walk, after two years of not trusting me to keep her safe. During the walk, a car drove by, causing her to run after it and pulling the leash out of my hand. Five hours later, and I still can't find her. FML
by ciararow / 04/14/2011 at 7:29pm / United States / Animals
by Omegared / 04/14/2011 at 6:12pm / United States / Health
Today, I confronted my husband about him being unfaithful. He said his reasons were because he's just not attracted to me anymore and my current weight repulses him. I'm six months pregnant with his child. FML
by Pregnant / 04/14/2011 at 2:28pm / United States (Florida) / Love
Today, I made my young niece lunch. After she claimed to have eaten it all, she wanted to go out and play. I was putting my shoes on when I found part of the sandwich I made her stuffed in my shoe. FML
by Anonymous / 04/14/2011 at 1:35pm / United States (Ohio) / Kids
by ihaveahome / 04/12/2011 at 12:02pm / Czech Republic (Hlavni mesto Praha) / Miscellaneous
by JT / 04/12/2011 at 10:19am / Canada (Alberta) / Kids
Today, I used my hair straightener to attempt to straighten my eyelashes and burned my eyelid. I don't know what's sadder, that fact I thought it would be fun, or that I was stupid enough to think I wouldn't hurt myself. FML
by sadcase / 04/12/2011 at 10:01am / Australia / Health
Today, my girlfriend chose the most expensive restaurant in town, then spent the entire time facebooking, texting, and playing games on her phone while I dined in silence. This is the second time we've been out this week. She didn't even eat her food. I didn't even get a thank you. FML
by BrokeAndPsst / 04/12/2011 at 12:27am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love
by Artic / 04/12/2011 at 12:00am / United States (New York) / Intimacy
by ILiveWithMorons / 04/11/2011 at 11:07pm / United States (Virginia) / Health
by drunkluv / 04/11/2011 at 10:58pm / Australia / Love
- 1Today, my parents let me babysit my baby sister for the first time. About an hour after they left,… 2Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went… 3Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had…
- Today, after having sex with my boyfriend I went into his shower to freshen up. Where I saw an open… Today, I was having sex with a guy that I just met, and when I thought he was about to orgasm, he… Today, the condoms I bought a few years ago as a celebration of dumping my girlfriend due to a lack…
- Today, I’m on vacation in Tunisia. Having trouble with the heat at night, I tried sleeping outside… Today, I live in Romania and my walls are particularly thin. After enduring my neighbor’s parties,… Today, my mom had to go to one of her relatives’ funeral. She came to borrow a black scarf from me,…