Submit your FML story
- - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
About J352SAURUS : What’re you supposed to write here? My name's Jess, I’m Aussie, I'm in high school and I'm very interested in languages for some reason unbeknownst to me. I learn Spanish and Italian and I was learning German but I quit, intending to do it again later. I have many interests/hobbies that might make me boring but whatever. I love dinosaurs and Jurassic Park (Hence, J352SAURUS), Disney movies, Harry Potter, Grimm, Top Gear, TBBT, reading, writing, sleeping, drawing, swimming, photography, making movies, listening to music (more than 215 artists over 79 genres), derping on the Internet, camping, travelling, video games and loads of other stuff.
Remember that Cedric Diggory was a brave Hufflepuff, Luna Lovegood was a fun-loving Ravenclaw, Horace Slughorn was a caring Slytherin, and Peter Pettigrew was a back-stabbing Gryffindor. Please stop stereotyping.
I’ve run out of words so message me if you have any questions.
Checking you out
You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.
You’ve used FML’s private messaging service for the first time. Will they reply? Wait and see…
Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!
Today, my 808 area code phone number has yet again been mistaken for a 1-800 number. I've been getting phone calls at three in the morning from people on the east coast who are trying to return their shoes. They want to speak to my supervisor because I "don't sound professional enough." FML
Today, I joked to a client that every time I see his name, I start singing the song 'Dr Jones' by Aqua. He looked blankly at me, so I broke into song, 'Dr Jones, Dr Jones, calling Dr Jones... ' He still looked blankly, but now also utterly horrified, as were the rest of the waiting room. FML
Today, when I went to the shopping centre, the automatic door wouldn't open for me. I had to stand there and wait until someone else walked by to open it for me. I suffer from dwarfism and this is a daily occurrence. FML
Today, I decided to be nice and pay a visit to my grandma. We ended up playing Scrabble. In between passing wind that smelled like rotting eggs, she kept playing the filthiest words she could, and yelled at me whenever I checked to see if they were in the Scrabble dictionary. FML
Today, I met up with an old friend of mine who acts in a TV show. I hadn't seen him in a long time, but I'd been watching episodes of the show almost daily, so when he showed up I could only see him as his TV character and not as my friend. I ended up calling him by his character's name. FML
Today, my 12-year-old sister watched Frozen. She's spent the last two hours playing the song Let It Go on high volume over and over, and in different languages. I now have a skull-splitting headache, and my dad just sarcastically told me to "let it go". FML
Today, my nephews discovered how to trick my washing machine into starting up while the door is still open. My laundry room is now flooded, and their mom refuses to accept any responsibility for it. FML
Today, my co-worker started talking in third person. Not only that, but he narrates his daily tasks. "Jeff reached for a stapler", "Jeff stapled a report". I have to sit beside this chimp for 8 hours a day, and nothing I say can end this. FML
Today, my overly-attached 14-year-old cat wanted attention while I was in a heated Skype argument with my girlfriend. Worked up from the fight, I raised my voice and said, "Not now, go away!" He ran to his little bed, had a heart attack and died. I was a complete dick to my cat in his last moments. FML
Friday 18 April 2014