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About J352SAURUS : Um... Hi... My name's Dory... No, I'm kidding, my name's Jess, I'm Australian and, despite what my profile says, I do, in fact, live in Australia. I'm in high school and I'm very interested in languages for some reason unbeknownst to me. I learn Spanish and Italian and I was learning German but I quit, intending to do it again later. I have many interests/hobbies that might make me boring but whatever. I love dinosaurs and Jurassic Park (Hence, J352SAURUS), Disney movies, The Walking Dead, Harry Potter, Grimm, Top Gear, TBBT, reading, writing, sleeping, swimming, making movies, listening to music, derping on the Internet, camping, travelling, video games and loads of other stuff.
Remember that Cedric Diggory was a brave Hufflepuff, Luna Lovegood was a fun-loving Ravenclaw, Horace Slughorn was a caring Slytherin, and Peter Pettigrew was a back-stabbing Gryffindor. Please stop stereotyping.
Also, in my profile picture, I'm in a hut at the Grand Canyon. Just thought you should know.
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Today, I was watching the movie Frozen with my 8 year old daughter. I had seen it before, so I sung along with some of the songs. My daughter put a finger over my lips, said "Shhhhhhhhut the fuck up," then turned back to the TV, giggling. FML
Today, it's been almost a week since I returned from my vacation to Ireland. Before I rarely drank. Now I'm pretty sure I'm an alcoholic. You might think I'm joking, but I've woken up hungover every day since I landed there. I basically paid to kill my liver and become AA's next poster child. FML
Today, my girlfriend took our prank war way too far and had a package sent to me at home. Confused, I opened it. It contained a dildo and a bottle of lube. I didn't know my dad was watching over my shoulder until I heard him choke on his coffee and felt it splash over my neck. FML
Today, at work, an old man was having trouble using his credit card at the checkout. I told him to "just stick it in", and he replied with "I love it when you talk dirty to me." The whole line at the checkout laughed. FML
Today, I had to take my cat to the vet. On the way there, he managed to get out of his cage, climb into the front seat, onto my chest, and howl in my face as I tried to drive down the highway. I ended up with stitches and still got charged for missing my cat's appointment. FML
Today, at my local amusement park, I decided it'd be fun to meet someone on the roller coaster by sitting alone and hoping that someone nice would sit next to me. I rode the roller coaster 7 times. I sat alone each time. FML
Today, I had to go pick up my kid, because he threw up while playing at his friend's house. The boy's mother bitched me out for not keeping my son at home while he was "ill". Her breath was unspeakably foul. So foul that it caused me to throw up too. FML
Thursday 11 September 2014