Ixiion

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Offline (the 08/24/2016 at 5:47pm)

Ixiion

1Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 784
  • Number of comments : 11
  • Number of FMLs : 1 confirmed out of 5 posted

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Ixiion's page activity

Visits<b>stfuwtf</b> - the 07/26/2016 at 12:59pm<b>max367</b> - the 06/06/2016 at 3:51am<b>kodman101</b> - the 03/10/2016 at 2:40pm<b>mimi_tenten</b> - the 02/15/2016 at 11:51pm<b>taranoelr</b> - the 01/07/2016 at 7:25pm<b>theFickleFinger</b> - the 09/02/2015 at 3:37pm<b>dogshorsescats</b> - the 07/20/2015 at 2:13am<b>cdncw</b> - the 05/01/2015 at 1:29pm<b>flbetterboutlife</b> - the 07/20/2014 at 9:15am<b>Donkness</b> - the 06/22/2014 at 11:10am<b>emilycardona7</b> - the 05/19/2014 at 12:11am<b>grantawish95</b> - the 03/24/2014 at 8:03pm<b>andiesaur</b> - the 03/10/2014 at 3:51am<b>melbrook10</b> - the 12/08/2013 at 10:52am<b>Addisonlc</b> - the 10/18/2013 at 4:03pm<b>Haley_bear</b> - the 10/15/2013 at 8:46am<b>Ruler3000</b> - the 10/15/2013 at 12:12am<b>149967</b> - the 10/14/2013 at 7:15pm

Fucked!<b>stfuwtf</b> - the 07/26/2016 at 6:59pm

Ixiion's FML badges

This isn't what should be happening

You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.

Judgmental

You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

Mobility

You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

See all of Ixiion's badges

Ixiion's favorite FMLs

Today, I was scrubbing the bloody aftermath of a successful mouse trap off of my stove with an old toothbrush. After a few good scrubs, out of habit I put the toothbrush in my mouth while I turned on the water. FML

by AylaMarie92 / 07/21/2014 at 5:04pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was carrying my four-month-old son in a checkout line. An older couple behind us remarked that I would spoil my son if I carried him everywhere. My son responded by projectile vomiting all over the wife, then looked at me and giggled. FML

by Pandamomma / 07/21/2014 at 8:58am / United States (North Carolina) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, due to my wife saying I never cook and we always order pizza, I spent a good hour preparing dinner. While serving it to my kids, they started complaining. My wife told them to shut up. When she took a bite, she looked up at me, smiled, and said, "Do you, you know, want to just order pizza?" FML

by Max / 04/09/2014 at 2:32pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, it's the last day of my sign language class. At the end of the class, my teacher surprised us by speaking for the first time, also surprising everyone that she wasn't actually deaf. It wouldn't have been so bad had I not just given someone an answer to the test, thinking she couldn't hear me. FML

Today, I was at Walmart and had to use the bathroom. I sat down and farted real loud. I didn't realize someone was in there with me until I heard a voice say, "Dude, that was a good one." It was a man's voice. I then realized I was in the men's restroom. FML

by dani / 03/24/2014 at 11:39pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, after finishing an essay at the library, I fell asleep and had a dream about the essay crawling out through my laptop screen and trying to kill me. I woke by the librarian shaking me and telling me to stop screaming. I was mortified. FML

by systematicpanic / 03/20/2014 at 12:48pm / United Kingdom (Leicester) / Work

Today, in the middle of a Spanish oral exam, I start to panic. My teacher suggests I say whatever pops into my head. I blurt out, "Heeey Macarena!" FML

by LeChameauTrisomique / 03/14/2014 at 12:33am / France (Centre) / Work

Today, my 4-year-old daughter figured out how to set a parental code lock on our television so we can't watch football because it scares her when we scream. She won't tell us no matter what we bribe her with. FML

by Anonymous / 12/30/2013 at 7:10am / Australia (New South Wales) / Kids

Today, my dog has found a new game he likes. It involves him rolling around on my new bed sheets to build up static electricity and run and poke me with his nose so I get shocked. FML

by honeybunny90 / 12/28/2013 at 3:23am / United States (Texas) / Animals

Today, my wife made me a Sex Rewards Chart, where I get points by doing chores and such, and 50 points gets me some action. She refuses to even look at me if I haven't earned the points, and is contemplating sleeping alone in the guest room until I earn more points. FML

by feiedbutter / 12/07/2013 at 9:55am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, I woke up from a drunken one-night-stand. The person I slept with turned out to be heavily pregnant. She tried to convince me that I am the father and that I passed out for 7 months. FML

by clodius / 11/20/2013 at 1:25pm / United Kingdom (North Lanarkshire) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I learned that no matter how much of a nerd a girl claims to be, she is not ready for you to speak Klingon during sex. FML

by Anonymous / 11/19/2013 at 10:42pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, I was at a diner with friends when we decided to put our phones in the middle of the table on the basis that whoever looks at theirs first has to pay. It was going well, until someone rushed up behind me, slammed my face into the table and ran out with our 4 phones. FML

by Anonymous / 11/17/2013 at 4:59pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I fell down in the street when a speeding car chucked a hard-boiled egg at my butt. While I waited for the feeling in my legs to return, they came back and threw more. FML

by Eggs / 11/15/2013 at 12:00am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was watching TV when my sister-in-law called me, laughing. It turns out my brother got his head stuck between the bars on the stairs. Again. My brother is 29. FML

by AshlynnPrime / 11/14/2013 at 5:44pm / United States (Kentucky) / Miscellaneous