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IsaacAmpora

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IsaacAmpora

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  • Number of visits : 283
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  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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Judgmental

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50 favourites

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IsaacAmpora's favorite FMLs

Today, I was rock climbing. I had my equipment on and I saw a really cute girl. I went for the hardest climb in the gym, and while jumping up to grab the rock, I simultaneously farted, missed the rock, fell to the mat and broke my arm in the process. FML

#21303024
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26179) - you deserved it (12011)

On 11/20/2014 at 10:25pm - misc - by AOart1st (man) - United States (California)

Today, I've tried to have a quiet jack off four times, only for my dad to knock on my bedroom door within seconds and say "STOP IT." every single time. Now I'm too paranoid to even function. FML

#21302766
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25798) - you deserved it (6102)

On 11/20/2014 at 2:48pm - intimacy - by fuck fof and die dad (man) - Germany (Schleswig-Holstein)

Today, I went out to get milk from the garage fridge for my mom. The moment I stepped out, my foot settled on the neighbor's boa, who likes to escape. After my mom finally opened the door to my frantic shouting, she spotted the snake, slammed the door, and locked both of us outside. FML

#21301160
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29456) - you deserved it (2294)

On 11/18/2014 at 12:35am - animals - by blindsparrow - United States (California)

Today, I had a dream that I kicked the moon like a soccer ball. It started swearing in my boyfriend's voice. That part wasn't a dream. FML

#21300835
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26348) - you deserved it (3033)

On 11/17/2014 at 5:00pm - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I was watching The Walking Dead while in bed, when I heard a noise in the kitchen. I told myself I was just imagining things. Several hours later, as I was getting ready for sleep, I found out I'd actually been robbed. FML

#21299716
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32427) - you deserved it (4911)

On 11/15/2014 at 5:59pm - intimacy - by Slow_Walker (woman) - Georgia (Dushet'is Raioni)

Today, a customer limped over to me in one of the dishwasher aisles and asked if we sold dishwashers. I said yes and pointed at all the dishwashers. He looked around for a couple of seconds, belched, then said "Oh... right!" and walked off. No commission for me, then. FML

#21299572
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24025) - you deserved it (3449)

On 11/15/2014 at 1:20pm - work - by ChimerV (woman) - France (Lorraine)

Today, I woke myself up by letting out a long fart. It wouldn't have been so bad if I hadn't fallen asleep while on jury duty. FML

#21299443
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28678) - you deserved it (7880)

On 11/15/2014 at 8:25am - misc - by That_Indian_Guy (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was speeding home, bursting to take a crap. I pulled into my driveway and made it inside, before my wife told me the plumber was still working on our pipes. I ended up having to take a crap in my own backyard, behind a tree. FML

#21298320
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31005) - you deserved it (2820)

On 11/13/2014 at 1:01pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my cat tunneled her way under the covers to sleep beside me. It was really cute until she panicked in the middle of the night and practically skinned me alive trying to find her way out. FML

Today, I thought I felt my cellphone vibrating. Turned out it was just my girlfriend letting out a vicious fart against my leg. FML

#21296102
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34286) - you deserved it (4890)

On 11/10/2014 at 9:28am - love - by Anonymous (man) - Germany (Berlin)

Today, I excitedly told my mom that I'm pregnant with my second child. She shot back, "You know what's a REAL achievement? Jacking your dad off in church last week without anyone noticing. Aim higher." I really didn't need to know that. FML

#21294899
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39239) - you deserved it (3396)

On 11/08/2014 at 6:02pm - kids - by jennabee97 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my anxiety got so bad that when I stole a sword in Skyrim and resisted arrest, I had a full-on panic attack as I ran away. I ended up curling up on the sofa as my character got hacked to death on the TV. FML

#21294889
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29098) - you deserved it (7510)

On 11/08/2014 at 5:49pm - health - by Anonymous S'wit (man) - Portugal

Today, I was at my friend's Bar Mitzvah. After he finished his long-winded speech, I sarcastically did the mockingjay sign from the Hunger Games. It took a couple of seconds before I realized how that looked, and a couple more for me to be shouted down and kicked out. FML

#21294686
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16284) - you deserved it (29763)

On 11/08/2014 at 12:24pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I got demonic gastric distress while taking my final college exam. I only got about 50% of it done, left the classroom 50% faster, and experienced both 50% dread and 50% relief. Now I have to repeat 50% of the class. FML

#21293883
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29247) - you deserved it (3564)

On 11/07/2014 at 1:53am - misc - by all shat out - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, I was sick and had soccer trials on the same day. At the soccer trials, the coach called me over and told me I was doing really good and to keep it up. I said thanks and vomited on him. FML

#21293843
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32490) - you deserved it (2854)

On 11/07/2014 at 12:47am - health - by jj - Australia (New South Wales)



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