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An insomniac or a creature of the dark
You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.
YDI master
That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.
50 favourites
Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!
Today, I was teasing my boyfriend telling him that my butt was so much cuter than his and that at least mine wasn't smelly stinky or hairy. Then he said yeah, I just wish that your vag was the same way. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14874) - you deserved it (49610)
On 02/26/2009 at 5:11pm - intimacy - by FMluck (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, an extremely large lady came into the dry cleaners where I work. She puts what I assume is a blanket on the counter to be dry cleaned. I said, "So just the one blanket then?" She replied, "Those are my pants, not a blanket." She was a size 56. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19655) - you deserved it (31712)
On 02/26/2009 at 9:13am - work - by Kasizzle (man) - United States (Colorado)
Today, I decided to practice putting a condom on with my mouth. Then my roommate walked in on me using my mouth to roll a condom onto a banana. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11750) - you deserved it (62742)
On 02/25/2009 at 10:01pm - intimacy - by banana (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, my guy friend and I were in his dorm room watching a movie when he started kissing me. Things heated up so we moved things over to his bed. He was on me when a hand shoots down from his top bunk. His roommate had been up there the whole time and he wanted a high-five. So they high-fived. FML
I agree, your life sucks (71384) - you deserved it (16795)
On 02/24/2009 at 6:32pm - intimacy - by Menareidiots (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I was pissing in a urinal and I had the urge to sneeze. Unable to hold it, I sneezed and hit my head on a metal beam supporting the urinal. In complete disarray, I had to step back from the urinal while pissing and managed to spray the floor, the wall, and the person next to me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (50024) - you deserved it (5484)
On 02/24/2009 at 5:57pm - misc - by iliketurtles (man) - United States (California)
Today, I stayed home, sick in bed. I had been sleeping on my arms. I got up quickly to grab the phone. My numb left arm rocketed and punched me in the (now cut) lip, which threw me off balance, making me smash my (now bloody) nose off of the headboard. It was a telemarketer. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42621) - you deserved it (4531)
On 02/24/2009 at 3:34pm - health - by Sick (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I asked my dad if he could fix my bed. It had been squeaking for some time. He shook his head no. He then continued with, "Your bed is a security system and as far as I can tell, you haven't gotten any in weeks". FML
I agree, your life sucks (37722) - you deserved it (3680)
On 02/24/2009 at 1:13pm - misc - by Noname - United States (Florida)
Today, I jokingly told my mom that I was having sex with my Professor. Her response was, "As long as you're getting A's, honey!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (23944) - you deserved it (40577)
On 02/21/2009 at 12:36am - intimacy - by acincollege (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, my professor, who was born without arms, asked somebody "need a hand?" There are over 300 students in that class and I was the only one laughing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12751) - you deserved it (43085)
On 02/19/2009 at 4:14pm - misc - by AppoKing (man) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I was looking after a hamster for a friend. My dog ate it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42369) - you deserved it (8648)
On 02/19/2009 at 1:14am - animals - by zac545 (man) - United States (New York)
Today, my grandmother called. She greeted me by my mother's name. When I told her it was not my mother, she apologized and corrected herself, but this time she addressed me as my sister. When I told her it was not my sister either, she said "Sorry, wrong number" and hung up. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39770) - you deserved it (2062)
On 02/18/2009 at 12:08am - misc - by fuckthat (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, my group of friends, my girlfriend, and I were playing 'never have I ever.' My girlfriend's turn came up and she went with, 'Never have I ever had an orgasm.' FML
I agree, your life sucks (53503) - you deserved it (16317)
On 02/17/2009 at 10:22pm - intimacy - by skeletor (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I got a "save the date" card for the wedding of a couple my husband knows. I was excited because I really wish to be better friends with these people. I emailed the bride, "I got your STD!" and hit send before I realized how that sounded. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7761) - you deserved it (31772)
On 02/17/2009 at 12:11pm - misc - by silkytaco - United States (Hawaii)
Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up?!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (177274) - you deserved it (61352)
On 02/16/2009 at 9:29pm - kids - by offbeans (man) - United States (California)
Today, I went in for my 2nd day working at my internship. My bosses greeted me and told me we were going to have a meeting. The meeting was to listen to the drunk voicemails I left them on Saturday. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7938) - you deserved it (57763)
On 02/16/2009 at 1:23pm - work - by Noname (woman) - United States (California)
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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