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An insomniac or a creature of the dark
You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.
YDI master
That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.
50 favourites
Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!
Today, I had to take my dog to the vet for him to be put to sleep. I could feel the cold, hard shaft of irony slide its way up my ass and slowly fuck me senseless with every step I took on this beautiful National Dog Day. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25402) - you deserved it (4085)
On 08/26/2011 at 1:49pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States
Today, a man with a face like a corpse's shoe started talking to me in the long queue at the Post Office. Apparently, his mother invented the banana, and he's first in line for the throne in France if ever Prince Harry dies. And his breath smelled like Satan's ass gas. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22021) - you deserved it (2347)
On 08/17/2011 at 12:48am - misc - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I locked my keys in my car. After spending 20 minutes on the phone with AAA, and then waiting a half hour, the guy showed up, he stuck his hand in the drivers side window and asked, "You couldn't just reach in?" I forgot I left the window open. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8272) - you deserved it (78760)
On 04/17/2009 at 12:49pm - misc - by .... (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I had to re-take an hour long MRI scan because I got an erection midway through. FML
I agree, your life sucks (59567) - you deserved it (12236)
On 04/17/2009 at 10:14am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)
Today, my family and I went to a beach where you could swim with dolphins. I was a little scared to swim with them so the trainers had a 5 minute chat to me about how they were harmless creatures. Once I got in, the dolphin attacked me and bit me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (55776) - you deserved it (6202)
On 04/17/2009 at 7:49am - misc - by Anonymous - Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur)
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. The TV was on with the volume low, as we had been too preoccupied to turn it off. All of the sudden, my boyfriend stopped mid-thrust. He was watching the TV. House was on. My boyfriend stopped to watch the differential diagnosis. FML
I agree, your life sucks (56772) - you deserved it (11144)
On 04/09/2009 at 3:46pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I was bored at my job at Home Depot. I got a bar code tattoo 3 weeks ago and thought it would be funny to scan it. I'm a $5.98 160z claw hammer. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31204) - you deserved it (100892)
On 04/09/2009 at 2:03am - work - by tool (man) - United States (Nevada)
Today, at lunch I was running to my group's table with my friend. She accidentally tripped me, and I slid across the café floor face first on my belly. The whole cafeteria was silent. They then broke out in hysterics when the head janitor ran up to me and yelled 'SAFE!' like a baseball umpire. FML
I agree, your life sucks (57893) - you deserved it (8775)
On 04/08/2009 at 9:42pm - misc - by eun (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my sister told my mother how she saw our neighbour's son at the movies with a girl and that they were kissing. My mother said that any girl willing to date someone so ugly must have self esteem issues and they laughed. I'm his girlfriend, my sister didn't recognize me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (59536) - you deserved it (3066)
On 04/08/2009 at 9:14pm - love - by ready_set_go (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I was going to have sex with my Hispanic boyfriend. I wanted to turn him on, so I asked my friend how to say "fuck me" in Spanish. She claimed it was 'pollo frito'. I then had sex, constantly screaming 'pollo frito' for an hour. I later realized I was screaming "fried chicken." FML
I agree, your life sucks (47072) - you deserved it (129032)
On 04/06/2009 at 3:51pm - intimacy - by FML.. (woman) - China (Hebei)
Today, I was in IKEA, furniture shopping with my dad. He was looking at one couch that was particularly small. I said "dad that couch is for like a midget." I look over to see a midget looking at me, sitting on the same couch in a different color. He definitely heard me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21624) - you deserved it (48875)
On 04/04/2009 at 11:40pm - misc - by Nikki (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I came home to find a sock I previously used to whack off on my bed with googly eyes and a mouth drawn on it with a note that read "Because you can't find a real girl, I made your current one prettier, Love Mom." FML
I agree, your life sucks (203363) - you deserved it (59382)
On 04/02/2009 at 1:13am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)
Today, I tried having intercourse with my boyfriend, and about 30 seconds in, I heard flipping. He was looking at a porn magazine. "It's to keep my erection" he answered. FML
I agree, your life sucks (79821) - you deserved it (6899)
On 03/27/2009 at 11:16pm - intimacy - by VampiresSayRawr (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, me and my friend decided to spy on my crush. He lives across the street, so we climbed on the roof of my house and watched him with binoculars. He was working out, and after 5 minutes he started writing something. He put a piece of paper against the window and it said, 'Stop watching me.' FML
I agree, your life sucks (10374) - you deserved it (115651)
On 03/27/2009 at 8:24pm - misc - by Creep (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, while at the Golden Gate Bridge, I spotted a large group of Asians trying to take a picture. Trying to be a diplomat, I slowly say "You... want me... take picture?" while using hand motions. The man looks at me and says "No thanks asshole, I got it," in plain English. FML
I agree, your life sucks (54138) - you deserved it (424405)
On 03/26/2009 at 3:19am - misc - by Tourist (man) - United States (California)
Monday 17 June 2013
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