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Insomnis

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Insomnis

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Saturday 16 March 1996 (18 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 324
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

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Insomnis's page activity

Visits<b>MetalManiacHappy</b> - the 06/23/2014 at 6:38pm<b>samuelee</b> - the 06/10/2014 at 1:35pm<b>mein_blut69</b> - the 06/10/2014 at 11:58am

Insomnis's FML badges

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

It’s in the can

Hey, you uploaded your photo, and you’re cute as a kitten!

See all of Insomnis's badges

Insomnis's favorite FMLs

Today, I got up at 4.30am, like I do every morning, and got ready for work. Just as I was about to walk out the door, my flatmate jumped me and beat the snot out of me thinking I was a burglar. Because apparently burglars shower, make toast and clean up before stealing all your shit. FML

#21259933
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34474) - you deserved it (2295)

On 09/17/2014 at 8:18am - misc - by makeyourselfathome (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I fell asleep with my luggage at a bus terminal. Upon waking up, I found that someone had opened my bags and stolen all my socks. FML

#21255144
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35164) - you deserved it (6708)

On 09/09/2014 at 4:23pm - misc - by Anonymous -

Today, I learned that while other people drunk call their exes, I drunk adopt cats. Seven cats, to be exact. FML

#21248352
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40588) - you deserved it (9445)

On 08/30/2014 at 7:56am - animals - by cat lady (woman) - Norway (Rogaland)

Today, to spice things up, my boyfriend suggested we wear disguises. Amused by the idea, I accepted. That's how I ended up having sex with Gandalf. FML

#21240323
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40421) - you deserved it (8313) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 08/18/2014 at 12:48am - intimacy - by Degueusement (woman) - Sent from mobile version

Today, I feel massively depressed, but I can't talk to anyone about it as I'm British. FML

#21177849
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35624) - you deserved it (10012)

On 06/17/2014 at 8:26am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom

Today, my daughter used her spare key to get into my house while I was at work, then took and pawned off all of my jewelry. She only confessed when I confronted her with video camera footage. Her defense was that I told her I'd leave her everything in my will. Honey, I'm not dead yet. FML

#21159292
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45829) - you deserved it (4726)

On 06/01/2014 at 12:36pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Germany (Bayern)

Today, I had a wonderful dream where I got married to the perfect guy, then had the best sex of my life on a beautiful honeymoon. The only problem is that my "husband" was the snowman from Frozen, and that I got sad when I realized it was just a dream. FML

#21142020
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42510) - you deserved it (9067)

On 05/16/2014 at 5:07pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I'm moving. While packing, I realized I hadn't seen my cat in a few hours. I called her and realized she was inside one of the hundreds of boxes in my house. I accidentally packed my cat. FML

#21139824
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41071) - you deserved it (15321)

On 05/14/2014 at 4:43pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I started going on and on about dogs and their different types of breed, behaviours, expectancy, etc. When someone asked me how I know all this stuff, I meant to say, "I fucking love animals", I didn't think it through and said, "I love fucking animals". FML

#21131182
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (282) - you deserved it (18688)

On 05/05/2014 at 3:53am - intimacy - by Zekrome - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my drunken self became a vaguely racist poet. I am now the author of a four-page poem entitled "Chocolate Men". FML

#21094789
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30225) - you deserved it (16184)

On 03/23/2014 at 11:40pm - misc - by chocochoco - United States (New York)

Today, I was walking through town with my hood up and noticed people giving me funny looks. It wasn't until I got home that I realised the umbrella I was holding over my head had been closed the whole time. FML

#21079127
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36876) - you deserved it (14718)

On 03/05/2014 at 9:09pm - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Portsmouth)

Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. My hand-eye coordination went straight to hell and I managed to accidentally smack my nose into his penis. He told all his friends about it, and I'm apparently now known as Woodpecker. FML

#21054451
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48425) - you deserved it (9530)

On 02/08/2014 at 1:49pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were in the shower and things were getting heated. I tried to move position, but slipped and fell, bringing the shower curtain I'd grabbed onto down with me along its support rod. My ass hit the floor just as hard as the rod hit my head. FML

#21020358
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47898) - you deserved it (9104)

On 01/07/2014 at 3:38pm - intimacy - by owl + bungee cord (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was at a basketball game. Sitting in the bleachers, I looked over at my friend and said, "Number 33 has a really cute butt." The man in front of us turned around, looked me dead in the eye, and said, "Thanks." Number 33's dad was a very proud father. FML

#21017330
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46704) - you deserved it (12649)

On 01/05/2014 at 12:30am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)

Today, my mum and I were referred to as "ladies". I'm happy for her, since she always complains about looking masculine. However, I would still like to be called a gentleman, seeing as how I am one. FML

#21000124
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40078) - you deserved it (3219)

On 12/21/2013 at 11:58am - misc - by FML (man) - United Kingdom (Glasgow City)



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