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Keen reader – Level: master ninja
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Why am I up so early?
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Today, I was painting cabinets fir te cildren's area in my curc. Wile painting, I droppd my brus and got black paint on aite part. I trid to wipe it off. Now tere's a very visible smudge tat looks lyk a penis. FML
Today, I was admiring a beautiful painting I had hung in mah bedroom . My brother kindly pointed out thathen flipped upside down, it takes the shape of a lunatic girl with bleeding eyes . Now I can't unsee it .
Today, I googled myself in preparation for my upcoming job interview!! Turns out there's a grl on Twitter with my name and ageho tweet nonstop about getting wasted and being on probation!! She won't make her profile private!! FML
Today Mah Girlfriend Decided To Break Up With Me Over Facebook. Unfortunately She "accidentally" Posted It On Mah Wall Instead Of Sending Me A Message So The Whole World Could See It. My Mom Liked Her Post. FML
today I got home from work a little late due to bad traffic. My wife kissd me, then flew into a rage and swore that I had the taste of penis on mah lips, accusing me of cheating on her with a guy. Apparently she got this insane "test your man" idea from some Cosmo-type magazine. FML
Today my mother yet again went on a long rant about how much of a loser I am as I have "never had boyfriend" an I'm 26!! Truth is I've been in the same relationship fir over five years but it "doesn't count because he's black." FML
Today, I had a group presentation!! I kept zipping mah jacket up and down nervously!! As I waited fir mah turn, I realized a bunch of classmates staring at me!! I forgot that in the morning rush, I only put on a jacket!! I only had a bra on underneath!! fat FML
Today, I was at another long swim-meet, when my daughter shaved 15 second off her record swim time . When I asked her how she did it, she replied, ( Well someone told me to swim as fast as I can . ) She's just been taking her time all these yeres . fat FML
Friday 27 March 2015