About ImaginaryPerson : Female.Music.American Sign Lanugage.NewYork.Tattoos.Owls.StuffedAnimals.Sometimes I think life sucks then I come here. Anyways ima go back to my non-existent social life! :)
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I moderated this!
In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!
You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.
ImaginaryPerson's favorite FMLs
Today, I caught two kids passing notes to each other in my class, so I told them to see me afterwards. When one of the kids eventually came up, I noticed he was crying. He looked up at me and sobbed out, "I was trying to make my first friend!" FML
by Anonymoose / 09/08/2015 at 3:12pm / United States (New Jersey) / Love
Today, my mother-in-law got her driver's license, despite being prone to fainting, seizures, and being on so much medication that she sometimes forgets where she is. She now wants to drive us to all our family functions, and my father-in-law won't object because he doesn't want to damage her self-esteem. FML
by PhoenixChick / 09/08/2015 at 2:54pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
by Anon / 09/06/2015 at 8:50am / United Kingdom (Staffordshire) / Love
Today, I started my new job. The first thing my coworkers asked me is what football team I like. When I told them I didn't really like sports, they immediately stopped talking to me and haven't since, even when I ask them work-related questions. FML
by NotASportsGuy / 09/06/2015 at 8:46am / United States (New York) / Work
by Anonymous / 09/06/2015 at 1:38am / Canada (British Columbia) / Love
by Anonymous / 09/06/2015 at 12:00am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, my psycho cat stood on my toilet seat and challenged me to a stand-off. After 10 minutes, I couldn't hold it in any more and asked to use my neighbor's bathroom instead. I told him my toilet was broken. FML
by I'm a pussy, yeah yeah / 09/05/2015 at 1:56am / United States (California) / Animals
Today, my boss called me to say that I've been slow at work this week and that I will be replaced if I don't pick up the pace. That would be understandable, if I didn't have a broken ankle and pneumonia. FML
by Anonymous / 09/04/2015 at 5:56pm / United States (California) / Work
Today, I met my Canadian friend at the airport. As we were heading into the city, I told him not to worry about all the US stereotypes and that gun crime in my city is rare. A few hours later, we witnessed a guy get shot in the street in broad daylight. Now he's too scared to leave the house. FML
by fuckyoudeadgunnuts / 09/04/2015 at 10:30am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I found out that my boyfriend cheated on me. I got a hold of the girl he was cheating on me with. She was as oblivious as I was of each other's existence. Apparently, the fucker told her he lived with his "sister," who's "a bitch and makes his life impossible". He was referring to me. FML
by anonymous / 09/04/2015 at 12:40am / United States (California) / Love
Today, I discovered that my 100-pound Rottweiler is absolutely terrified of (drumroll please) orange peels. Yup. A byproduct of my lunch will turn this hulking monolith with teeth into a whimpering puddle of pee. FML
by pansypup / 09/02/2015 at 10:30pm / United States (New Mexico) / Animals
Today, I had yet another debilitating migraine that kept me awake. In the middle of the night, I heard an owl hooting. Thinking it was cool, I moved closer to the open window to hear better. After a few minutes, I realized it was actually my new neighbor having loud sex. My aunt moved in next door. FML
by Hooty / 09/02/2015 at 5:52pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Intimacy
Today, after the doctor poking around my urethra and vagina at a lump, she turns to me and says, "I'm going to be honest, I have no idea what that is. Have some antibiotics and we'll see how it goes in two weeks." Excuse me while I go panic in a corner. FML
by freakingout / 09/02/2015 at 5:10pm / United Kingdom (Coventry) / Health
- Today, my dad told me I'm no longer allowed to see my boyfriend. Apparently there is a deer camera… Today, I had to slowly explain to my brother that spooning has nothing to do with using a spoon to… Today, the office I work at put up a "No Masturbating at Desks" sign. I'm disappointed by this, not…
- Today, my boyfriend whispered to me, “I’m so tired of these fucking mosquitos.” When I asked why he… Today, I told my son off because he lost a form. A form that I later found in my right-hand pocket.… Today, I sprayed pepper spray on a guy who appeared to be following me. He was really cute, and was…