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Today, the creepy girl in my history class told me that she once spent a whole period doing nothing but counting the freckles on the right side of my face, and that I have more than she's ever seen before on anyone else combined. FML
by Anonymous / 09/10/2011 at 4:21pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
by AudraRose / 09/07/2011 at 12:57pm / United States / Health
by Gurior / 09/04/2011 at 3:01am / Canada (Quebec) / Intimacy
Today, I found out that my neighbors took it upon themselves to knock down the fence we shared, and putting up a new one. Thus fencing my pool into their yard. When I asked them why, he replied, "We thought you weren't coming back." I was gone for 4 months tending to my sister with breast cancer. FML
by Pool-less / 09/04/2011 at 2:09am / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous
by abby181 / 09/03/2011 at 10:36am / United States (Colorado) / Kids
by anonymous / 09/02/2011 at 6:02pm / United States (Florida) / Kids
Today, my report card finally came in. My mom took one look at it and told me that if I'm not going to take my grades seriously, I might as well start looking for a sugar daddy. But first, I apparently need to work on prettying myself up. FML
by tryingtobepretty101 / 09/02/2011 at 12:58pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was at a music festival, watching one of my favorite bands. The security guys were throwing water into the crowd to cool us down. I saw some about to be thrown by another fan, so I stood with my mouth open to catch some of it. I ended up with a face full of hot piss. FML
by Anonymous / 09/02/2011 at 9:45am / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous
Today, while at my boyfriend's cousin's birthday party, I was hanging around with his sister as I didn't know anyone. She was talking to some friends when one of them asked her, "So, is your brother still going out with that crazy chick?" Her answer was to introduce me. FML
by Anonymous / 08/29/2011 at 1:15am / United States / Love
Today, I started my shift as a cop, patrolling the streets on a bicycle. Everywhere I went, gangs of youths yelled stuff out at me, like "Bike twat", "Pig on wheels", "That's a girl's bike you muppet" and "Go on wanker, do a wheelie." FML
by Andrew / 08/28/2011 at 6:37pm / Ireland (Dublin) / Work
Today, after a stressful week, I spent my last few dollars on some comfort food. Later, my roommate's girlfriend came over and helped herself to my juice, drinking it straight from the bottle. I'm such a germaphobe, I can't bring myself to even take a sip. It's a full bottle. FML
by adamclmns / 07/16/2011 at 6:52pm / United States (Arkansas) / Health
by jakewr / 07/02/2011 at 12:14am / United States (Missouri) / Love
Today, my boyfriend of five years proposed to me in front of my entire family. He later confessed that it was part of a dare with his friends because, "There was no way you'd say yes." Guess who has to explain this to all my relatives? FML
by mavstrr1764847 / 06/27/2011 at 2:38pm / United States (Colorado) / Love
by smoothmove / 06/26/2011 at 12:29am / United States (New Jersey) / Love
by DarkMaskDiva / 06/15/2011 at 8:24pm / United States (California) / Health
- 1Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 2Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's… 3Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his…