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ImJKingYou's FML badges
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ImJKingYou's favorite FMLs
by gottacatchemall / 01/08/2014 at 12:43am / United States / Intimacy
Today, I was playing monopoly with my boyfriend and a few friends. After I bankrupted my boyfriend, he turned to me and said, "I fucked your best friend last night, so who really won?" I turned to the best friend in question, she looked at the board and said, "I'd like to buy a house please." FML
by I hate that game / 11/23/2013 at 11:11am / United Kingdom (Wigan) / Miscellaneous
Today, I heard crashing noises coming from my dining room. I got up to see what it was; my asshat cat was flinging himself at my chandelier. He'd figured out how to grab the ceiling fan from the other room, build momentum, and launch into my expensive chandelier. Hooray. FML
by IamAflyingCat / 10/22/2013 at 5:12am / United States / Animals
by PokeWife / 02/06/2013 at 8:38am / United States (Nebraska) / Love
by Anonymous / 10/10/2012 at 5:48pm / Canada (Manitoba) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 09/02/2012 at 10:07pm / United States (Michigan) / Animals
by me / 05/07/2012 at 4:38pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
by spougeineye1 / 04/03/2012 at 12:37pm / United States (Washington) / Health
Today, while taking a stroll in the park, a kid walked up to me and asked, "Do you believe in unicorns?" I answered, "No." He dunked his ice cream cone on my head, laughed hysterically, and ran off screaming, "BELIEVE!" FML
by unicorn / 09/13/2011 at 5:21pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 08/24/2011 at 4:03am / United States / Money
Today, I decided to take a nap before a big job interview at 6. I set two alarm clocks to make sure I didn't miss it, but I woke up at 5:59. As I'm scrambling in a panic to get out the door, my mom says calmly, "I took your alarm clocks out of your room because you looked really tired today." FML
by thanksmum / 05/29/2010 at 1:39pm / Germany (Berlin) / Work
Today, I walked in on my boyfriend saying, "I shall be the prince, and you shall be the princess," to his hamster. Once he saw me, he quickly turned to the hamster and said, "I have to go. The dragon is here." FML
by Cheese4men / 05/14/2010 at 7:28pm / Canada (Alberta) / Love
Today, I took my 8 year old nephew to Laser Tag for his birthday party. I reluctantly was forced into playing one game. Apparently, no one explained the rules to one child and instead of 'shooting' me with his laser pointer, he kicked me straight in the balls. FML
by Anonymous / 01/30/2010 at 12:40am / United States (Ohio) / Kids
Today, my Dad decided to take his medicine before eating. He passed out with his face in a plate of chocolate cake. He wasn't responsive so I called the paramedics. When he got to the hospital, the doctor asked him if he knew why he was there. He replied, "Because my stupid daughter over reacted." FML
by Kassiopia / 11/14/2009 at 7:35am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was home on leave and having breakfast with my parents and my younger brothers. I guess I got too used to the rougher language around the Army barracks where I'm stationed. At the breakfast table I asked my Mom to "pass me the f***ing butter". FML
by Anonymous / 05/14/2009 at 1:13pm / United States (Maine) / Miscellaneous
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- Today, at school, I was trying to pee in the stall, but I couldn't. I repeatedly pushed my bladder.… Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, and I asked him to call me something sweet. He called me… Today, my girlfriend and I were in bed. She slipped her hand under the duvet, and I got all excited…