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Today, my boyfriend told me that if I ever cheated on him, he'll chop my body up and dispose of all the parts, but keep my boobies, because he likes them. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38610) - you deserved it (6349)
On 11/24/2011 at 5:01am - intimacy - by Faithful - Singapore
Today, I was jogging around the neighborhood when I went past a bar. There were lots of drunk men outside telling me to come over so they could give me the night of my life. One of those men was my grandpa. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35592) - you deserved it (2108)
On 11/23/2011 at 5:58pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I went to the orthodontist. The lady took a break and went to use the restroom. Apparently she didn't bother to take her gloves off, and they smelled like straight up pee. She had her hands in my mouth for over an hour. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35245) - you deserved it (6859)
On 11/22/2011 at 1:06pm - health - by Bob - United States (Texas)
Today, I popped a boner while my braces were being tightened. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27023) - you deserved it (5268)
On 11/21/2011 at 5:39pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maine)
Today, I walk into my grandma's house after having a fabulous lunch with a few friends. The first thing I hear is "Be a dear and help me change my colostomy bag." I lost that fabulous lunch. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17565) - you deserved it (2672)
On 11/20/2011 at 2:37am - misc - by NoThanksGrandma (woman) -
Today, my now ex-boyfriend called me over for an "important chat". This chat consisted of him not only insisting that we have sex whenever he feels like it, but demanding that I take birth control pills, because making him wear a condom is "sexist and degrading". FML
I agree, your life sucks (32383) - you deserved it (4357)
On 11/18/2011 at 6:36pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, my mother, her fiancé, and I were having dinner together. My mother was joking that she wasn't sure she could hold him down, as he used to "get around." She turned to talk to the waiter and my future step-father looked me up and down and winked. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26643) - you deserved it (1531)
On 11/18/2011 at 6:17am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, my son asked me where babies come from. I told him, "From god." He came back with, "Daddy said it was from fucking." FML
I agree, your life sucks (29638) - you deserved it (16883)
On 11/15/2011 at 12:20pm - intimacy - by lababy - United States
Today, my daughter-in-law taught my 4-year-old grandson to burst into tears and yell, "Am I not good enough for you?" whenever I ask her if she's going to have any more children. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9780) - you deserved it (43114)
On 11/15/2011 at 10:16am - kids - by Margo (woman) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, a policeman and me confronted my psychotic neighbor who stole my cat because she thinks flea bites cause cancer. She refused to tell us what she'd done with the cat. I just spent $100 last month in vet bills, and my kids are crying for their pet. He's probably in pieces in her freezer. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31230) - you deserved it (1618)
On 11/14/2011 at 7:46pm - animals - by Stalked (woman) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I found an old jock strap in my tuba. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18351) - you deserved it (2737)
On 11/14/2011 at 8:23am - misc - by jocksblow - United States
Today, I found pictures in my boyfriend's phone of our dog eating treats out of my mouth while I'm sleeping. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25266) - you deserved it (3168)
On 11/14/2011 at 12:09am - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, my daughter asked me how to spell "Orange". "O-R-A-N-G-E" I replied. Without missing a beat, she says "No, I mean the colour, not the fruit." She is 16. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34371) - you deserved it (5454)
On 11/13/2011 at 1:53am - kids - by weswithaute - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, my daughter in law sent me another romantic text that was meant for her husband. Not only can't she spell for shit, the clichés she uses are horrifyingly embarrassing. The fact this keeps happening makes me want to slam her head in the oven. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22361) - you deserved it (3106)
On 11/12/2011 at 4:42pm - misc - by Username - United States
Today, like every day since my birth, my name is Spreme. Yeah, you probably have trouble pronouncing it correctly too. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35602) - you deserved it (2799) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
Monday 20 May 2013
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