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Ilydarling

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Ilydarling

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  • Number of visits : 8649
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

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Ilydarling's page activity

Visits<b>Freeze</b> - the 09/10/2011 at 9:11pm

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Ilydarling's favorite FMLs

Today, I grabbed some lotion to have a good old wank. However, I'd got it a bit wrong in my rush to spurt my man-mush into an old gym sock, and had picked up some concentrated bronzer. I now have neon-orange hands and genitals. FML

#18556841
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8920) - you deserved it (44783)

On 12/19/2011 at 9:29pm - intimacy - by Colton (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, after spending hours wrapping the presents for Christmas, I came back into the room to find that my dog had lost his toy, knocked over all the presents, and was frantically ripping at everything to find it. FML

#18545148
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21153) - you deserved it (2990)

On 12/18/2011 at 2:31pm - animals - by dogh8er (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, after rocking my one-year old daughter for nearly two hours, she finally fell asleep. As I went to leave her room, I stubbed my toe. I now have a broken toe, a screaming child, and a wife who will be so proud that her daughter's first word is "FUCK!" FML

Today, I walked into my bathroom to find my girlfriend applying my deodorant. This would have been fine, if she wasn't applying it to her mouth. I don't think deodorant helps with bad breath, but a quick Google search shows that it does help with herpes. FML

#18506828
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42598) - you deserved it (3158)

On 12/13/2011 at 9:39pm - intimacy - by neednewdeoderant - United States (Michigan)

Today, a creepy old guy on the bus asked me if I wanted to "lick it." When I said no, he tried to convince me by telling me that "it tastes good." FML

#18496344
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31673) - you deserved it (2659)

On 12/12/2011 at 6:17pm - intimacy - by flowerchildd2 - United States (Colorado)

Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. Afterwards, he laid on the bed, silent and naked in the fetal position, I had to sit there stroking his head for an hour. I think I raped my boyfriend. FML

#18483356
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48685) - you deserved it (7739)

On 12/11/2011 at 6:54am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I walked in on my mom, braiding my dad's pubic hair. I don't know what scarred me more; my mom braiding his pubic hair or the fact that his pubic hair is long enough to be braided. FML

#18479276
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48283) - you deserved it (3622)

On 12/10/2011 at 8:03pm - intimacy - by Joe (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, while pulling into my driveway, I slightly bumped into something. My wife. I'll be sleeping on the couch for a while. FML

#18474194
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23824) - you deserved it (18623)

On 12/10/2011 at 3:45am - intimacy - by godhatesme (man) - United States

Today, I went out in a storm to collect my wheelie bin, which had flown down the street. On the way back to my house, I realised my door had slammed shut and locked behind me. That's okay though, a trampoline decided to smash my window and let me in. FML

Today, my boyfriend admitted the reason he was dating me was because he has a fetish for grandmothers and apparently I look, smell, and act like one. FML

#18444427
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31777) - you deserved it (4609)

On 12/06/2011 at 12:13pm - love - by grannygirlfriend - United States

Today, I started at my new waitressing job. Our uniforms have the name of the restaurant on the left chest pocket. My first customer asked me what the other boob was called. FML

#18443540
98 comments

Today, I found that when a hot girl asks you whether you have a girlfriend, saying, "I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one" is not the best way to proceed. FML

#18442495
231 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9917) - you deserved it (67330)

On 12/06/2011 at 1:45am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (London)

Today, my husband and I got into an argument. I tried to assault him with a laptop. He yelled, "Don't hit me with the computer." My apartment neighbor yelled through the wall, "Do what you gotta do, girl." FML

#18439975
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15056) - you deserved it (40043)

On 12/05/2011 at 9:31pm - love - by Anonymous - United States

Today, as I was running from the cops I jumped behind a bush to hide. Turns out it was a massive thorn bush. I later had the most painful shower I have ever experienced. FML

#18431842
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7936) - you deserved it (65743)

On 12/04/2011 at 10:22pm - misc - by Jess - United States (California)

Today, I cleaned my toilet. I had forgotten it was white. FML

#18430180
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6535) - you deserved it (42739)

On 12/04/2011 at 7:40pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)



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