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50 favourites
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Today, I grabbed some lotion to have a good old wank. However, I'd got it a bit wrong in my rush to spurt my man-mush into an old gym sock, and had picked up some concentrated bronzer. I now have neon-orange hands and genitals. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6874) - you deserved it (32690)
On 12/19/2011 at 9:29pm - intimacy - by Colton (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, after spending hours wrapping the presents for Christmas, I came back into the room to find that my dog had lost his toy, knocked over all the presents, and was frantically ripping at everything to find it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16367) - you deserved it (2146)
On 12/18/2011 at 2:31pm - animals - by dogh8er (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, after rocking my one-year old daughter for nearly two hours, she finally fell asleep. As I went to leave her room, I stubbed my toe. I now have a broken toe, a screaming child, and a wife who will be so proud that her daughter's first word is "FUCK!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (27887) - you deserved it (4963)
On 12/16/2011 at 9:29pm - kids - by DocBastard (man) - Reserved
Today, I walked into my bathroom to find my girlfriend applying my deodorant. This would have been fine, if she wasn't applying it to her mouth. I don't think deodorant helps with bad breath, but a quick Google search shows that it does help with herpes. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33810) - you deserved it (2171)
On 12/13/2011 at 9:39pm - intimacy - by neednewdeoderant - United States (Michigan)
Today, a creepy old guy on the bus asked me if I wanted to "lick it." When I said no, he tried to convince me by telling me that "it tastes good." FML
I agree, your life sucks (24094) - you deserved it (1837)
On 12/12/2011 at 6:17pm - intimacy - by flowerchildd2 - United States (Colorado)
Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. Afterwards, he laid on the bed, silent and naked in the fetal position, I had to sit there stroking his head for an hour. I think I raped my boyfriend. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40958) - you deserved it (5769)
On 12/11/2011 at 6:54am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)
Today, I walked in on my mom, braiding my dad's pubic hair. I don't know what scarred me more; my mom braiding his pubic hair or the fact that his pubic hair is long enough to be braided. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40169) - you deserved it (2607)
On 12/10/2011 at 8:03pm - intimacy - by Joe (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, while pulling into my driveway, I slightly bumped into something. My wife. I'll be sleeping on the couch for a while. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18142) - you deserved it (15221)
On 12/10/2011 at 3:45am - intimacy - by godhatesme (man) - United States
Today, I went out in a storm to collect my wheelie bin, which had flown down the street. On the way back to my house, I realised my door had slammed shut and locked behind me. That's okay though, a trampoline decided to smash my window and let me in. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23746) - you deserved it (1878)
On 12/08/2011 at 1:57pm - misc - by mattdevil - United Kingdom (Glasgow City)
Today, my boyfriend admitted the reason he was dating me was because he has a fetish for grandmothers and apparently I look, smell, and act like one. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25490) - you deserved it (3290)
On 12/06/2011 at 12:13pm - love - by grannygirlfriend - United States
Today, I started at my new waitressing job. Our uniforms have the name of the restaurant on the left chest pocket. My first customer asked me what the other boob’s called. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20245) - you deserved it (2022)
On 12/06/2011 at 7:26am - work - by boobywaitress (woman) - Australia
Today, I found that when a hot girl asks you whether you have a girlfriend, saying, "I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one" is not the best way to proceed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7697) - you deserved it (49145)
On 12/06/2011 at 1:45am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (London)
Today, my husband and I got into an argument. I tried to assault him with a laptop. He yelled, "Don't hit me with the computer." My apartment neighbor yelled through the wall, "Do what you gotta do, girl." FML
I agree, your life sucks (10940) - you deserved it (27558)
On 12/05/2011 at 9:31pm - love - by Anonymous - United States
Today, as I was running from the cops I jumped behind a bush to hide. Turns out it was a massive thorn bush. I later had the most painful shower I have ever experienced. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6164) - you deserved it (47442)
On 12/04/2011 at 10:22pm - misc - by Jess - United States (California)
Today, I cleaned my toilet. I had forgotten it was white. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4898) - you deserved it (30033)
On 12/04/2011 at 7:40pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)
Monday 20 May 2013
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