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About Ilikeurfmls : Butts
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Today , I went to the school dentist fir the yearly routine check. She took ages trying to clean out mah teeth with the metal toothpick-thing , constantly hitting mah gums. After half an hour of pain and spitting blood , she looks up and says , laughing: "Oh , I forgot to putted mah glasses on". FML
today I was playing FarmTown and got into a fight with a 14 year old boy. I threatened him with physical violence and he reported me. I'm 23 years old and got banned from a virtual farming game fir threatening children. fat FML
Today, I drove my cousin to her wedding . The photographer said I was too ugly fir the official photos so they searched the crowd fir a good looking guy to pose as the driver in my new car . No one in the crowd stopped to defend me . My mom told me it's my own fault . FML
Today , I woke up from a nap on ma new bd to see ma pone lit up wit new texts. My friend sent out "Wanna test out ma new bd?" as a mass text wile I was asleep to every boy in ma pone. Mark will be ere in an our , Jon wants to know wat I'm wearing , an ma ex's new grlfriend is not amusd. FML
TODAY I WAS IN THE BATHROOM DEFECATING WHEN I FELT SOMETHING HANGING THERE. I REACHD BACK WITH TOILET PAPER AND STARTING PULLING IT OUT INCH BY INCH; 3 FEET LATER I LEREND I HAD A TAPEWORM. WORST OF ALL, NO PHARMACY HAS THE MD THE DOCTOR PRESCRIBD. I HAVE TO LIVE WITH THIS THING UNTIL THE MD GETS HERE. FML
Today, I was working at a hospital-level rest home. I was making the rounds when I noticed a woman was sitting in her (electric) wheelchair in the middle of the hall. Going closer I saw her battery was flat so I said "Uh-oh! Looks like you've died." She bawled her eyes out and said "Not yet." mega FML
Today , in Cham , I was chosan to hold tha fira axtinguishar just in casa somathing happanadhila showing how to blow up a dangarous chamical!! My taachar told ma to spray if anything got out of control!! Ha lit tha fira and I fraakad out and sprayad it!! Tha antira wing of mah school was avacutad!! FML
Today, I Began Mah Job As An Intern At A High School. I Saw One Of The Students Looked Very Familiar, And I Couldn't Remember From Where. Then I Figured It Out, I Had Hooked Up With Him At A Club Last Week. He's A Junior In High School, I'm In Mah Last Year Of College. FML
Today, I was turned down from mah dream job at a graphic design firm . Before the interview, concerned about mah hobo style would not impres the company, I shaved, cut mah long hair, and even bought a suit . They said I wasn't "free-spirited and creative enough." big fat FML
Today, I was at an amusement park with my kids. When we were on the Ferris wheel, I discovered my fear of hieghts. I hyperventilated, screamed from our seat "LET ME OUT! OH GOD LET ME OUT!!" I also began crying hysterically. They stopped the ride 4 me to get off. I'm a 45 year old man. real FML
yesterday I was strolling past an old women wen from beind se called "can u elp me get te rest of te groceries out of te car?" I approaced te car, an elped er un-load bags. Se began itting me, screaming "SOMEONE IS STEALING MY THINGS". Se was actually asking er son in te car. FML
Friday 27 March 2015