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Iknoweverything

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Iknoweverything
  • Town/Country : Somewhere, Yonder
  • Title : Madam
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 5 November 1980 (33 years)
  • Number of visits : 2301
  • Number of comments : 421
  • Number of FMLs : 1 confirmed out of 108 posted

About Iknoweverything : 1)My username was made because I believe in looking up thoughts before stating them as fact. Yes, I know I don't know everything. Clearly it was a bad choice, and I can't change it, so get over it.
2)Life is not black or white. You may see things one way, I may see it completely different. This does not make one of us wrong, but rather offers different perspectives. Most people on here don't seem to understand that. Just because you have a gut feeling doesn't mean it's right.
3)I don't believe "you're a dumbass" is a valid rebuttal. If you think I'm wrong, tell me why I'm wrong. Attacking me because you disagree is merely fallacious. (It's called the ad hominem fallacy)
4)"Break up with the jerk" and "Quit your job" is nice in theory. In reality, OP's may love their jerks, and probably have bills to pay.
5)I rarely read responses to my comments. If you wish to insult me, hit me up on the private messenger. I need entertainment.

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Brandon may have an FML, but he ended up marrying Jessica. You found this out by reading “FML, the follow up.”

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Iknoweverything's favorite FMLs

Today, while I was driving home, some jackass in an open-top sports car overtook us and flipped me off. Just as I overtook him in turn, my wife rolled down her window, pulled out her tampon, and launched it at the kid. I'm not sure who was more horrified: me or him. FML

#19793582
398 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35085) - you deserved it (3816)

On 06/15/2012 at 6:13pm - misc - by 16590 (man) - Sweden

Today, I was chatting to a co-worker, upon whom I have a serious crush. It was going really well, until he said "irregardless", as if it's actually a proper word. This grammatical abomination really ticks me off, and I actually had to fight back the urge to beat some damn sense into him. FML

#19783803
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8922) - you deserved it (26797)

On 06/13/2012 at 7:50pm - love - by Rebecca (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I asked my girlfriend why she never lets me in her house. She stared blankly and said, "What is inside is not for thine eyes." I told her best friend about this creepiness later on. She sighed and said, "T'was not for mine eyes either. I didst fail to listen." I feel like I'm losing my mind here. FML

#19772012
279 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19458) - you deserved it (2455)

On 06/11/2012 at 5:45pm - love - by amidreaming?? (man) - United Kingdom (Hertford)

Today, I went to the circus with my family. When we were looking at the animals during the break, an elephant took my purse with his trunk and ate it. It crushed my cellphone, camera, keys and wallet. After that, the circus director yelled at me for feeding poisonous stuff to his elephant. FML

#19769177
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24110) - you deserved it (4293)

On 06/11/2012 at 3:14am - animals - by ILoveAnimals (woman) - Austria (Wien)

Today, I was having a debate with my friend, who actually believes karma is real. He got very angry with me and stormed off, tripping over his own feet in the process. I laughed and asked what he'd done in a past life to deserve that one. He responded by getting up and punching me. FML

#19750799
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7595) - you deserved it (29838)

On 06/07/2012 at 5:26pm - health - by sh3n-D (man) - Denmark (Midtjylland)

Today, after a very painful mouth surgery, I went home to take a nap. Then my nose started bleeding, so I stuck a tissue in it and fell asleep. When I woke up, I was so high from painkillers that when I saw the tissue, I thought it was a ghost. I screamed so loud I burst a stitch. FML

#19750023
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27339) - you deserved it (4208)

On 06/07/2012 at 2:12pm - health - by LaurenB (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, my dad started his mid-life crisis. Instead of a Porsche or a Ferrari, he bought a tractor. Goodbye summer holiday. FML

#19708636
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16362) - you deserved it (1734)

On 05/31/2012 at 6:22am - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my cat woke me up, but not by kneading on me though. Instead, she woke me up by pouncing on the laser pointer my dad was shining on my face. FML

#19673871
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14957) - you deserved it (1477)

On 05/24/2012 at 5:18pm - animals - by XxEmoWolfiexX (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I was heading to the bathroom when I clearly saw a little boy walking into my bedroom. My wife and I live alone, and I screamed at the top of my lungs, thinking he was a ghost. Turns out my wife collected him from school for a friend, and I just didn't hear them arrive. FML

#19608158
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18950) - you deserved it (5422)

On 05/11/2012 at 5:41pm - misc - by rongo12 (man) -

Today, I came down with food poisoning of some sort. After hours of scrambling to the toilet to vomit and empty my bowels, my three-year-old daughter got fed up and is now trying to potty-train me. FML

#19511225
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18069) - you deserved it (1995)

On 04/22/2012 at 1:12pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, as I was washing my boyfriend's fishbowl, the fish did a Nemo and made an unholy leap down the drain. My immediate impulse was to flip the switch. Our kitchen now smells like mutilated fish and my boyfriend won't speak to me. FML

#19504619
208 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6775) - you deserved it (27570)

On 04/21/2012 at 2:01am - animals - by gimmeasalad - United States (California)

Today, a guy asked me out and said he was going to take me to a fancy restaurant where they make the food in front of you. I love Japanese food, so I was really excited. We went to Subway. FML

#19449601
196 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28178) - you deserved it (4817)

On 04/11/2012 at 12:54pm - love - by mista_sandy (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, after years of secretly faking my orgasms, my husband gave me my first real one. Afterward was also the first time he ever accused me of faking it because, "It was different from all the other times." FML

#19423040
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10966) - you deserved it (35542)

On 04/07/2012 at 11:27am - intimacy - by anonomous - United States

Today, my four-year-old son decided to bite my butt during prayer at church. The entire sanctuary heard me instinctively swear at him. FML

#19401263
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12206) - you deserved it (20606)

On 04/03/2012 at 2:19pm - kids - by potatoebee - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I introduced my mother to my new girlfriend. My mom made a very nasty comment about her in Spanish, not realizing that my girlfriend teaches Spanish at the local school. FML

#19385390
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30498) - you deserved it (2247)

On 03/31/2012 at 11:01pm - love - by spanishsucks - United States (New Jersey)



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