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Iceman1130

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Iceman1130

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Today, I texted my boyfriend of 6 months saying that I was in the mood, and that I was in bed, and naked. He texted back saying "U got fingers, use them, im going to bed xoxo". FML

#405303
219 comments

I agree, your life sucks (137126) - you deserved it (36941)

On 03/17/2009 at 1:06am - intimacy - by princess (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I was sifting through my parents old home movies. I put in one and was horrified to see my parents having sex. I immediately ejected the tape and looked at the label. It said "Bermuda, 1989". They've told me I was conceived in Bermuda around that time. I've seen my own conception. FML

#391986
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (176971) - you deserved it (34521)

On 03/16/2009 at 7:08pm - intimacy - by ihatevideos (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to have sex at his house. When we got there, he checked his mail box first and noticed that his Wii game arrived. He sent me home so he can play. FML

#381498
230 comments

I agree, your life sucks (158787) - you deserved it (22143)

On 03/16/2009 at 2:48pm - intimacy - by gfg (woman) - Romania (Bucuresti)

Today, I fell asleep in history class. I was dreaming about my history teacher. When I woke up everyone stared at me rather weirdly and the teacher wasn't there. Turns out I was moaning my history teachers name through my sleep. FML

#379230
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (125859) - you deserved it (36575)

On 03/16/2009 at 1:18pm - intimacy - by asleepinclass (woman) - Poland (Warszawa)

Today, I had one of the worst panic attacks in years. I was worried nobody cared about me and that I had completely messed up my life. I was hyperventilating and crying hysterically. My mom walked by my room, looked at me, and said, "If you're going to make those noises, at least shut the door." FML

#365324
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (195824) - you deserved it (27555)

On 03/15/2009 at 11:38pm - misc - by Screwed (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was fooling around with my girlfriend for the first time. She put her hand on my penis over my jeans and said "Get hard for me." I was hard. FML

#364382
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (183031) - you deserved it (28621)

On 03/15/2009 at 11:20pm - intimacy - by illequipt - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was having sex with a guy I met and in the middle of it his mother called him. After stopping to answer the phone, he tried to put me on with her because she didn't believe anyone would actually sleep with him. FML

#346119
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (113062) - you deserved it (15925)

On 03/15/2009 at 4:47pm - intimacy - by MarMar (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I decided to tell my mom about my choice to wait to have sex until after marriage. Coming from a very christian family I thought she would be proud. Instead she laughed and said, "is that your excuse for not being able to get laid?" and walked out of the room. FML

#283028
281 comments

I agree, your life sucks (266413) - you deserved it (48399)

On 03/12/2009 at 1:53pm - intimacy - by sucks - United States

Today, my mom told my boyfriend all about how she had to be a parent volunteer when I was in kindergarten. Apparently I used to masturbate in class by rubbing myself against the edges of chairs and tables. The teacher thought it would be best if my mom was there to make me stop. FML

#280083
212 comments

I agree, your life sucks (142594) - you deserved it (15988)

On 03/12/2009 at 7:24am - intimacy - by Noname (woman) - New Zealand (Canterbury)

Today, I was the only one in an elevator when an attractive girl came in, talking on her phone. She told her friend, "I have to go, there's a cute guy on this elevator." Before I could even react, she turned to me and said, "Sorry for lying, I really wanted to get off the phone with her." FML

#265039
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (239574) - you deserved it (14817)

On 03/10/2009 at 9:10pm - misc - by TuralSucks (man) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, my mother and I went to Wal-Mart to buy pads. I suggested I get tampons instead, so that I can go swimming at my boyfriend's cottage. My mother then goes to the nearest store employee and asks, "excuse me, if my daughter uses a tampon, does that mean she is no longer a virgin?" FML

#251967
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (183506) - you deserved it (13231)

On 03/09/2009 at 3:30pm - intimacy - by tamponmayhem (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, at the dentist, I was getting my teeth cleaned. Looking up at his nose, I saw runny snot dripping onto his lip. I tried to slowly move away. He told me "Stop!" The movement of his lips caused the snot to fall right into my mouth. FML

#217348
417 comments

I agree, your life sucks (483486) - you deserved it (46045)

On 03/05/2009 at 2:44pm - misc - by Noname - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, for my two-year anniversary I got my girlfriend a very expensive diamond necklace. She got me male enhancement pills. FML

#197066
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (143250) - you deserved it (16188)

On 03/03/2009 at 4:40pm - intimacy - by eaa145 (man) - United States (New Jersey)



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