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IamNotaSmartMan

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IamNotaSmartMan

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IamNotaSmartMan's favorite FMLs

Today, I learned that just because you live on a different continent, it doesn't mean your mother won't come knocking when you are having sex. FML

#20989004
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52979) - you deserved it (4596)

On 12/11/2013 at 2:59pm - intimacy - by hi Mum - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I was buying condoms at Walmart. I grabbed the XL size, and the cashier commented, "Ahh, you'll definitely need a smaller size." FML

#20573161
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32602) - you deserved it (14094)

On 04/03/2013 at 12:57pm - misc - by nottoosmall - United States

Today, I met my boyfriend's family for the first time. We got on the subject of theatre, and his dad brought up "The Book of Mormon", how finally someone was making fun of those "nasty, polygamist, cultist freaks", and if his son ever dated one, he would disown him. I'm Mormon. FML

#20572732
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38488) - you deserved it (13252)

On 04/03/2013 at 1:48am - love - by kenabrookee - United States (California)

Today, in my job as an assistant at a music venue, I had to get posters signed by that night's performer. When I walked into the dressing room, I was told, "unless you're sucking my cock then get the fuck out of here" and had the posters slapped out of my hands. It's my job to deal with these pricks. FML

#20572312
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34571) - you deserved it (3090)

On 04/02/2013 at 9:26pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, my sister, knowing that I'm terrified of his face, taped a picture of Michael Jackson over our toilet. When I entered the washroom, I sprinted back out screaming. Minutes later, while in the shower, I happened to glance up at the ceiling. Guess who was grinning down at me. FML

#19753089
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25896) - you deserved it (8204)

On 06/08/2012 at 12:35am - misc - by ugh - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my mom walked in on me masturbating. She didnt look away and we stared at each other for a while; then she asked me what I wanted from McDonalds. FML

#19547170
282 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35015) - you deserved it (8714)

On 04/29/2012 at 11:10am - intimacy - by ShadowJack - United States

Today, while in the grocery store my boyfriend said very loudly "Don't make me hit you in public again!" He says things like this every time we are in the grocery store line. The sad part is that it's better than when he says "Are you gonna pay for the stuff you put in your purse?" FML

#18109383
352 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32592) - you deserved it (8760)

On 10/30/2011 at 4:38am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend and her mom dropped me off at home. I told my girlfriend that I love her. She said nothing, then her mom blurted out, "I love you too!" and drove away. FML

#15945693
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31738) - you deserved it (5028)

On 04/27/2011 at 4:19am - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my friends threw me a Halloween themed party for my sweet sixteen. When I arrived, one of my friends jumped out from behind the door, dressed as Michael Myers. I peed myself in front of everyone I knew. FML

#13394916
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26239) - you deserved it (5691)

On 10/10/2010 at 5:45pm - misc - by lolu - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I was messing with my boyfriend in my basement. We are both virgins and he wanted to perform oral sex on me for the first time. Naked, we finally decided to try to have sex. We discovered the act is much harder than it may seem. We're both still virgins. FML

#12485840
356 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28963) - you deserved it (33679)

On 08/12/2010 at 9:01pm - intimacy - by Blueberrypicc (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, when I was trying to break up with my boyfriend, I told him how I needed space and time to think. His response was, "Ok, we're out of condoms anyway." FML

#9395131
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25526) - you deserved it (8650)

On 03/26/2010 at 3:31am - intimacy - by d - United States

Today, I found out my mom pretended to be me and had AIM conversations with my boyfriend. FML

#7957934
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31553) - you deserved it (2562)

On 02/07/2010 at 12:15am - love - by nekoneko (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, it was our 6 month anniversary. My boyfriend didn’t get me a present or take me out to dinner. Instead he cried to me about how much he hates his life while he repeatedly punched himself in the face. Then he dropped me off to spend time with his mom. FML

Today, I cut my finger open with a spoon. After waiting for 4 hours in the emergency room, the doctor told me I was missing too much flesh to qualify for stitches. He then called 2 other doctors in to examine it. Apparently they had a contest for patient with most ridiculous injury. I won. FML

#6036159
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33234) - you deserved it (7107)

On 10/28/2009 at 4:03am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)



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