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IamLexus's FML badges
Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.
Back from a party
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I moderated this!
In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!
IamLexus's favorite FMLs
Today, my parents kicked me out of the house because they were having a party. They gave me twenty bucks to go see a movie. Well, the movie ended pretty quick, but the trauma of seeing my parents in a swingers' orgy will take some time getting over. FML
by why god / 11/25/2013 at 1:16am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I sat down with my daughter to have the sex talk, because she recently started seeing a guy. I mentioned at one point how disappointed I would be if she got pregnant. She went wide-eyed and asked, "Didn't mom tell you?" FML
by unknown / 11/02/2013 at 5:10pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Kids
Today, my mother came over to visit, and my kids started excitedly telling her Christmas is coming soon. She freaked out, saying Christmas is a "Satanic holiday" and telling them that Santa is going to hell along with everyone who celebrates it. My children are now traumatized. FML
by Jane M / 10/25/2013 at 7:20pm / United States (Indiana) / Kids
by Anonymous / 10/15/2013 at 2:37am / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 10/13/2013 at 8:33pm / United States (Arkansas) / Love
Today, in revenge for me pulling the old salt-in-the-soda prank on him, my dad showed up at my college dressed in a tight blouse and miniskirt, demanding that I come home early with him. I think I'm going to be lynched next time I go to class. FML
by HSampsON / 10/13/2013 at 5:20pm / Niger (Niamey) / Miscellaneous
Today, I sent my girlfriend a text this morning saying I love you. I rarely do this and instead of receiving the same message back, I got a message from my girlfriend accusing me of meaning to send it to someone else and dumped me. FML
by anonymous / 10/01/2013 at 1:36am / United States (West Virginia) / Love
by AnAwesomePerson7 / 09/25/2013 at 6:30pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
by alexbrooke / 09/15/2013 at 10:49pm / United States (Kentucky) / Animals
by spiritbeast33 / 09/11/2013 at 2:17am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, my husband thought it would be acceptable to watch Breaking Bad on Netflix with my 4-year-old in the room. What happened to be the only line he picked up? "Well heil Hitler, bitch!" I found out from his preschool teacher. FML
by Anonymous / 09/03/2013 at 12:13am / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids
Today, I went skinny-dipping with my friends. At one point, I jokingly pointed out how one of them had the smallest boobs of us all. She calmly got out of the pond, dried herself, scooped up our clothes and phones, and drove off in her car. The cops she called arrived soon after. FML
by criminal tit offender / 08/31/2013 at 12:25pm / United States (Alabama) / Miscellaneous
Today, I brought my Japanese girlfriend home for dinner with my family for the first time. They all got drunk and made heaps of racist jokes right in front of us. My dad forgot her name and started calling her "Rice Ball" instead. FML
by Thanks everyone / 08/28/2013 at 6:35pm / Australia (Queensland) / Love
by still together / 08/28/2013 at 1:47pm / United States (New Jersey) / Love
by outthelabyrynth / 08/27/2013 at 10:46am / Netherlands (Noord-Holland) / Animals
- Today, I was talking with my slightly skinflint girlfriend, who just moved in with me. “I think you… Today, I’m on vacation in Japan. Hungry, I went to a restaurant. Looking at photos of the food, I… Today, I sprayed pepper spray on a guy who appeared to be following me. He was really cute, and was…