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I_Am_Lamp_

Offline (the 01/23/2015 at 8:23am) | Search for a member

I_Am_Lamp_

4Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 1515
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About I_Am_Lamp_ : Yes...come hither my dear child...into the realm of this dystopian website...

I_Am_Lamp_'s page activity

Visits<b>annarcheer</b> - the 01/17/2015 at 12:34am<b>nana_star</b> - the 01/16/2015 at 11:02am<b>RockUntilYouDie</b> - the 01/16/2015 at 4:15am<b>Darkness_Hate</b> - the 01/13/2015 at 12:33pm<b>RachelF4646</b> - the 01/12/2015 at 7:42pm<b>winchestinalock</b> - the 01/12/2015 at 9:01am<b>Janawa</b> - the 01/11/2015 at 10:37pm<b>charliedee</b> - the 01/11/2015 at 1:47pm<b>justcause001</b> - the 01/11/2015 at 12:50pm<b>OnlyAvailableID</b> - the 01/11/2015 at 7:31am<b>CandienInEurope</b> - the 01/03/2015 at 10:33pm<b>emmatheamazingx</b> - the 01/03/2015 at 3:18pm<b>salyhahaha</b> - the 01/03/2015 at 11:46am<b>honeyman1494</b> - the 01/03/2015 at 7:28am<b>ninjakitty254</b> - the 01/03/2015 at 3:39am<b>sdroze1389</b> - the 01/03/2015 at 3:22am<b>Devindelon</b> - the 01/03/2015 at 3:00am<b>_delaneybear</b> - the 01/03/2015 at 1:42am

Liked!<b>salyhahaha</b> - the 01/03/2015 at 5:46pm<b>thatsawkward7</b> - the 09/27/2014 at 11:39pm<b>Toolishing</b> - the 09/22/2014 at 4:11am<b>dylanger16</b> - the 09/17/2014 at 2:19am

I_Am_Lamp_'s FML badges

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

Socialite

You’ve used FML’s private messaging service for the first time. Will they reply? Wait and see…

Consolation prize

Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.

See all of I_Am_Lamp_'s badges

I_Am_Lamp_'s favorite FMLs

Today, while trying to take a crap, I shut the bathroom door. A minute later, my 3 year old daughter knocked and said "Mommy, do you wanna build a snowman?" She kept singing the song until I was finally done. FML

#21341221
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28857) - you deserved it (4147)

On 01/20/2015 at 9:05pm - kids - by frozenpoo - United States

Today, my mom paid me a surprise visit me at my university dorm. She ended up rifling through my stuff and started to pull out a box from on top of my wardrobe. Before I could stop her, it slipped and fell. Today's forecast: 100% chance of dildo rain. FML

#21338507
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31230) - you deserved it (4474)

On 01/16/2015 at 8:41pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my girlfriend gave me my first handjob. I was nervous, so when she went to do it, I panicked and yelled, "Firmly grasp it!" She then couldn't stop laughing because it was a line from SpongeBob. FML

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. His father was completely wasted, his mom was high, and his 11-year-old sister was talking about her favorite alcoholic drinks at the dinner table. FML

#21335369
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31640) - you deserved it (2578)

On 01/11/2015 at 9:41pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Georgia)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me by canceling our relationship status on Facebook. I commented in disbelief, only for my dad to reply "#rekt", then "But seriously, about time. She's gonna give your balls back, right?" Thanks for the support. FML

#21334865
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26081) - you deserved it (3125)

On 01/11/2015 at 12:57am - love - by kumcat (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was in the car with my 4-year-old sister and our puppy. Suddenly, she blurted out from the backseat, "I don't love you anymore." Shocked, I asked her to repeat herself. She looked me straight in the eye and said, "The puppy doesn't love you either." FML

#21334677
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28692) - you deserved it (2434)

On 01/10/2015 at 7:15pm - kids - by SadSister:( - United States

Today, I found three of my sister's dildos as I helped her unpack boxes for her new house. Jokingly, I said, "Why would you even need three?!" She actually explained. FML

#21334501
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30048) - you deserved it (9947)

On 01/10/2015 at 2:02pm - intimacy - by sisterlylove - United States (Missouri)

Today, I got stuck in an elevator. I called the fire department and told them where I was. They said they'd be right there and not to panic. It's hour 6. FML

#21332463
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33105) - you deserved it (2035)

On 01/07/2015 at 1:03am - health - by random875 - United States (Maryland)

Today, I came back from break to find that my roommate had been shitting in the bathtub for the entire 2 weeks I had been gone. FML

#21331081
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38347) - you deserved it (2646)

On 01/05/2015 at 1:27am - misc - by shittysituation - United States (California)

Today, I got a gift-wrapped package in the mail from my racist mother-in-law. She's always hated me, so I thought it was a bit strange. Inside was a squirt gun and a note telling me to take my "black ass" for a walk around a police station with it, followed with a smiley face. FML

#21325871
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39524) - you deserved it (2771)

On 12/28/2014 at 1:41pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my little sister randomly came up to me and said: "Aww, don't be sad. Even ugly people can get boyfriends." She then smiled, patted my back, and walked off. I wasn't actually sad before, but I am now. FML

#21324793
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30399) - you deserved it (2562)

On 12/26/2014 at 4:54pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Southend-on-Sea)

Today, my mom got me a Christmas present. Since I'm a whovian, she thought it would be cool to get me what she thought was a sonic screwdriver. It was actually a dildo shaped as one. I opened the gift in front of my entire family. FML

#21323893
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32582) - you deserved it (3442)

On 12/25/2014 at 10:17am - intimacy - by whovian - United States (Maine)

Today, on a first date with a guy, I spilled ice cream all over my pants. He bought me some more, and as I was thanking him, he said, "You've never had a guy treat you right, have you?" I said no and started crying. FML

#21322290
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39033) - you deserved it (4350)

On 12/22/2014 at 8:28pm - love - by Soulara89 (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I took a late-night shower. When I got out afterwards, the bathroom door was ajar, and I could have sworn I heard the faint patter of footsteps in the kitchen. "It's probably the cat," I told myself. Then I went upstairs and saw my cat asleep on my bed. FML

#21320813
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31639) - you deserved it (2405)

On 12/20/2014 at 9:41am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my neighbor showed me footage of my 7-year-old son spraying his beloved rose garden with weed killer. The whole garden is dead as fuck, and I'm now being taken to small claims court. FML

#21311905
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30875) - you deserved it (6376)

On 12/05/2014 at 8:44am - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)



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  • Oi! Stop "playing" that digeridoo and get out! There, now that I've tidied up my apartment, we can begin. How are you all doing? Have you got your leather jacket out of storage to go hang out down at…

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