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Today, I spent 3 hours washing my hands to get the pony out of the soap bar. I'm 16. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7269) - you totally deserved it (32987)
On 06/28/2009 at 3:23am - misc - by Soapy (woman) - United States (New Mexico)
Today, my first graders released the butterflies we've been raising. The kids were sad that one had died in his cocoon and wouldn't be set free. Turns out that butterfly may have had a better fate: a flock of birds ate half of the others. Immediately after releasing them. In front of the kids. FML
I agree, your life sucks (50103) - you totally deserved it (2820)
On 04/29/2009 at 12:30pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, my tampon string was hanging from my bathing suit. My boyfriend thought it was a thread hanging from my bikini bottom. He publicly pulled out my tampon. FML
I agree, your life sucks (106534) - you totally deserved it (9964)
On 04/03/2009 at 3:39pm - misc - by rebekah (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I saw a lesbian couple walking through the mall. One of the ladies walked up to me in the middle of the busy mall and started screaming at me about how rude it is to stare, and how we are all equal- straight or not. I was only staring because I'm a lesbian too, and they were hot. FML
I agree, your life sucks (77317) - you totally deserved it (8283)
On 04/02/2009 at 10:33pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today I was at my job as a shift manager at a fast food restaurant. Our company policy states that all employees must be clean shaven before coming to work. My boss told me that I had to inform one of the employees, Kris, that they had to shave before they could clock in. Kris is a woman. FML
I agree, your life sucks (50161) - you totally deserved it (1304)
On 04/02/2009 at 2:21pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I came home to find a sock I previously used to whack off on my bed with googly eyes and a mouth drawn on it with a note that read "Because you can't find a real girl, I made your current one prettier, Love Mom." FML
I agree, your life sucks (107226) - you totally deserved it (27563)
On 04/02/2009 at 1:13am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)
Today, I was feeling sick and having trouble breathing easily. I decided to take a nap and apparently ended up sleeping with my mouth wide open since breathing was an issue. I woke up to my boyfriend trying to put his penis in my mouth. FML
I agree, your life sucks (90668) - you totally deserved it (14055)
On 03/26/2009 at 9:45pm - misc - by coughandcold (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I was trying to convince my boyfriend that I am NOT a dumb blonde. After screaming at the top of my lungs, I proceeded to trip over a bin and hit my head on a wall. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12148) - you totally deserved it (56899)
On 03/24/2009 at 7:10pm - misc - by blondie (woman) - Australia (Victoria)
Today, I was at a club with my girlfriend of only two weeks. As we were dancing, another woman grabbed my ass from behind me and squeezed. I yelped and turned around to see my mother as the culprit. My girlfriend punched her. I found out my mother is a Cougar and my girl has a mean right hook. FML
I agree, your life sucks (135082) - you totally deserved it (7422)
On 03/23/2009 at 1:10pm - intimacy - by VinnyGoombots (man) - United States (New York)
Today, my teenage stepdaughters, as a punishment for refusing to buy them iphones, told my wife they saw me in town kissing an attractive blonde and grabbing her ass (all invented). She believed it and i'm single. I've been faithful and feeding the whole family for 10 years. FML
I agree, your life sucks (251908) - you totally deserved it (13959)
Today, I came home and saw on our fridge, "Please don't drink anymore, I really worry about your health" written by my 7-year-old daughter. I figured she wouldn't ever find out, so I opened the fridge. But I found another note on a can that said "So you're going to drink anyway?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (13737) - you totally deserved it (213643)
On 03/21/2009 at 12:46am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I went to my new doctor to establish the paperwork. During the questionnaire, she asked if I was sexually active. I said yes. She then asked, "what do you do?". I told her I normally did vaginal, but would sometimes do anal. She blushed and started to laugh. She was asking where I worked. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45811) - you totally deserved it (29904)
On 03/16/2009 at 12:39am - intimacy - by Noname (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I forgot to do my French homework, but since it was an online worksheet, I told my teacher my internet wasn't working. I told her with an e-mail. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14966) - you totally deserved it (259644)
On 02/28/2009 at 2:07pm - work - by ihavepinkbackpac (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I was sitting in class and I fell asleep during the lesson. I was wearing sweatpants and had an erection. My teacher came up to me and grabbed my penis. She thought it was my phone. FML
I agree, your life sucks (385452) - you totally deserved it (67571)
On 02/27/2009 at 2:52pm - intimacy - by jgondi1 (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I received my passport in the mail. They got my birthdate wrong. Then I picked up my birth certificate that I had sent in with the application. Turns out my parents have been celebrating my birthday on the wrong day for 16 years. FML
I agree, your life sucks (488088) - you totally deserved it (31094)
On 02/09/2009 at 8:55pm - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (Louisiana)
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