Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

HylianTwilight

Offline (5 hours ago) | Search for a member

HylianTwilight

5Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 5 May 1993 (22 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 2148
  • Number of comments : 64
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 6 posted

About HylianTwilight : I love my dog. I've lurked in FML for the past couple years, but never partook in the daily activities that seem to go along here. I may not be a regular commenter, but when I see fit to put in my opinion, I make it logical. I appreciate puns and tip my hat to those who can pull off multiples in one comment. Kudos! I'm a quiet sorta gal, and I don't appreciate rudeness. If one is rude to me, I dish it back out equally. But, I love a smile and laughter more. So smile!

HylianTwilight's page activity

Visits<b>sammy011</b> - 22 hours ago<b>PseudoDan</b> - yesterday at 4:12am<b>vet1</b> - the 08/01/2015 at 8:25pm<b>jackipdoc</b> - the 07/31/2015 at 3:38pm<b>Soninuva</b> - the 07/31/2015 at 2:36am<b>BandAid1865</b> - the 07/30/2015 at 11:14pm<b>zarobertson</b> - the 07/10/2015 at 10:35am<b>hardesty2904</b> - the 07/08/2015 at 6:34pm<b>Steve95401</b> - the 07/07/2015 at 7:15pm<b>daveydavidson111</b> - the 07/07/2015 at 10:03am<b>FuckFace10</b> - the 07/05/2015 at 11:54pm<b>ns1985</b> - the 07/04/2015 at 12:55am<b>snowman5394</b> - the 06/29/2015 at 1:42am<b>theFickleFinger</b> - the 06/11/2015 at 10:14am<b>LilyLi</b> - the 06/09/2015 at 5:54pm<b>jacky75</b> - the 05/27/2015 at 7:44pm<b>allstarrider</b> - the 05/19/2015 at 12:52am<b>shmoooopie</b> - the 04/29/2015 at 2:23am

Fucked!<b>snowman5394</b> - the 06/29/2015 at 7:43am<b>allstarrider</b> - the 05/19/2015 at 6:52am<b>spockadelic</b> - the 12/22/2014 at 1:14am<b>robertd73</b> - the 09/25/2014 at 2:32pm<b>rogwest</b> - the 09/25/2014 at 1:53pm

HylianTwilight's FML badges

50 quality responses

Clicking reply to a comment is a worthy thing to do. To do so without getting buried is even better.

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

Who’s the fairest of them all?

This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.

See all of HylianTwilight's badges

HylianTwilight's favorite FMLs

Today, I stumbled across one of my son's English assignments. Apparently, he decided to submit a haiku about how electrical outlets are technically "whores" because they hook up with countless cords for a "charge." I don't know whether to be amused or furious. FML

#21285975
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32879) - you deserved it (4583)

On 10/26/2014 at 10:42pm - kids - by MySonThePoet (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, the guy I really like acknowledged my existence for the first time. Too bad it was through a text saying "lol ur a fat fukc". FML

#21271187
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36922) - you deserved it (3967)

On 10/05/2014 at 12:02pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Birmingham)

Today, I had an important oral report to deliver with a partner. Not only did he come in late and high, he pronounced Virginia as "Vagina" the whole way through. FML

#21257414
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36067) - you deserved it (3163)

On 09/13/2014 at 10:36am - misc - by Jamestown of Vagina (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend again told me how he wants to have an open relationship. Of course, this means he can do what he likes with anyone, but if I so much as kiss someone else, I'm a cheating slut. FML

#21252587
223 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49780) - you deserved it (7822)

On 09/05/2014 at 6:59pm - intimacy - by onlywantuanyway -

Today, my two-year-old daughter's favourite word is 'No'. After leaving her with my sixteen-year-old brother, she now knows other N words as well. Niet, Nein, Non and Never. Her teenage uncle thinks it's hilarious. FML

#21240415
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37394) - you deserved it (6184)

On 08/18/2014 at 9:26am - kids - by 919191 (woman) - New Zealand (Canterbury)

Today, after having multiple dreams where I have a daughter with my boyfriend, I'm now emotionally attached to a child who isn't real, and I get depressed when I can't be with her in real life. FML

#21237524
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38741) - you deserved it (8487)

On 08/14/2014 at 3:50pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I realized my dog looks at me with way more love in his eyes than my own boyfriend does. FML

#21237384
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39276) - you deserved it (5166)

On 08/14/2014 at 11:06am - animals - by hopeless romantic - United States (Ohio)

Today, I put on a porno, trying to unwind after a bad day. 10 minutes in, I was so pissed off with the girl constantly repeating "You like that? Yeah?" and the cameraman's obsession with the guy's asscrack that I started yelling at the screen. Now I'm more stressed than ever. FML

#21232670
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41032) - you deserved it (13635)

On 08/08/2014 at 5:29pm - intimacy - by FUCK YOU (man) - United States

Today, as I was driving, a massive cockroach clicked its way across my windshield. I pulled over to fling it out the window, but it spread its wings and flew around like a hook-armed stabbing machine. I lost it in the dark car and now I can't find it. It's going to be a long drive home. FML

#21230826
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36171) - you deserved it (3867)

On 08/06/2014 at 9:34am - animals - by Baustigt - Australia

Today, while in my backyard, I had some insane gastric distress. I let out a fart so powerful that it made me yelp in pain, and left my asshole numb. A second later, I heard a cough come from over my neighbor's fence. I had to quietly limp back into my house in shame. FML

#21206177
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40523) - you deserved it (6148)

On 07/11/2014 at 4:34pm - health - by soundslikeadumbcommentersituation (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I found a wasp in my kitchen, so I opened the back door and left the room for 10 minutes in the hope that it would fly away. Upon returning, I found that there were now three wasps, a vicious cat and a very panicked pigeon crashing around the room. FML

#21197738
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43040) - you deserved it (18003)

On 07/03/2014 at 8:27pm - animals - by Snow-White (man) - United Kingdom (Cheshire)

Today, I couldn't find my vibrator. After searching for an hour I decided to ask my husband. He quickly shook his head no. We've been married for ten years. I know when he's lying. FML

#21190761
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46307) - you deserved it (9795)

On 06/27/2014 at 9:02pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)

Today, my family and I were on a road trip. Everything was fine until we discovered that my dad, the driver, was not only fast asleep, he was also snoring. We were in the middle of the highway. FML

#21170877
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48794) - you deserved it (4269)

On 06/11/2014 at 12:41pm - misc - by NextTimeMom'sDriving (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, some alarm, somewhere in my house, is making a low battery noise. I've checked every smoke detector multiple times, and I can't find it. It has been hours. I'm not sure if its still doing it or if the sound has just invaded my brain. FML



FML's blog

  • Auntie Bernie replies #1
  • Hello all you crybabies, from Land's End to John o' Groats. Yes, I'm finally here my lovelies. Since last week, my inbox hasn't stopped humming with the noise of new mail dropping into it, letters full…

Friday 31 July 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: