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Mobility
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Today, I heard my mom ask "Are you okay?" I opened my mouth to tell her about how I've been feeling suicidal lately. At that second, I realized she was talking to my cat. FML
I agree, your life sucks (53255) - you deserved it (4775)
On 04/27/2009 at 5:50pm - animals - by Tragic (woman) - United States (Missouri)
Today, was my birthday. My friends love to play pranks on me. So when I entered the door for my surprise party, I became aware of the surroundings. There was nothing. Everyone was staring as I slowly entered the room. When I closed the door behind me, a freaking bucket of pee fell all over me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (73506) - you deserved it (4240)
On 04/18/2009 at 12:44am - misc - by fmylifebadddd (woman) - United States (Louisiana)
Today, I was driving home from school, when I saw this girl I like walking home. Trying to be polite, I pulled over and asked if she wanted a ride. After my offer, I was rejected as she said "No, I'm actually already home," and walked up the nearest driveway... MY driveway. FML
I agree, your life sucks (67475) - you deserved it (4705)
On 04/16/2009 at 9:16pm - love - by Kelavmeister (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, a woman drove through my house. She was texting and eating watermelon at the same time. I didn't know that was even possible, but now my house is condemned. FML
I agree, your life sucks (101816) - you deserved it (3622)
On 04/12/2009 at 9:53am - health - by Fitz (man) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, a woman drove through my house. She was texting and eating watermelon at the same time. I didn't know that was even possible, but now my house is condemned. FML
I agree, your life sucks (101816) - you deserved it (3622)
On 04/12/2009 at 9:53am - health - by Fitz (man) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, a woman drove through my house. She was texting and eating watermelon at the same time. I didn't know that was even possible, but now my house is condemned. FML
I agree, your life sucks (101816) - you deserved it (3622)
On 04/12/2009 at 9:53am - health - by Fitz (man) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I asked my girl friend of a year and a half to give me a blow job. She replied okay and bent down and blew on my penis. Then she looked up at me and said was that good. She was serious. FML
I agree, your life sucks (59481) - you deserved it (15534)
On 04/11/2009 at 12:12am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Utah)
Today, I was flirting via text with a coworker. Things started getting heated, and I wanted to send her a sexy picture. I asked if she had any suggestions. She said, "Your nuts!" She meant, "YOU'RE nuts." I sent her a photo of my junk. I offended a co-worker with incriminating evidence. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31517) - you deserved it (72053)
On 04/08/2009 at 12:10pm - intimacy - by blizzard_of_77 (man) - United States (California)
Today, I was going to have sex with my Hispanic boyfriend. I wanted to turn him on, so I asked my friend how to say "fuck me" in Spanish. She claimed it was 'pollo frito'. I then had sex, constantly screaming 'pollo frito' for an hour. I later realized I was screaming "fried chicken." FML
I agree, your life sucks (47072) - you deserved it (129032)
On 04/06/2009 at 3:51pm - intimacy - by FML.. (woman) - China (Hebei)
Today, I went on a date with a guy for the first time. We went to Starbucks and got coffee. We talked for a while, and we were joking and having a good time. Suddenly, he put his hand on my stomach and said, "Soon, this will be plump with my seed." FML
I agree, your life sucks (284744) - you deserved it (28917)
On 04/06/2009 at 3:39pm - misc - by creepermagnet (woman) - United States (Maryland)
Today, I was going on a dinner date with a girl I had just met. After I picked her up I asked her if she would like to get lobster. She looked at me and asked if those were the red ones. Confused I nodded. She replied, "Sorry, I don't eat red meat." I laughed. She was serious. FML
I agree, your life sucks (53709) - you deserved it (4258)
On 04/06/2009 at 1:15pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I was getting sick of listening to the guy in the next room over getting nasty with some girl, so I called my girlfriend to see if she wanted to go get some food. Then I heard her phone ring. Through the wall. FML
I agree, your life sucks (373042) - you deserved it (20420)
On 03/28/2009 at 4:18pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)
Today, I was talking to my guy friend about prom. I told him I was turned down by 7 guys. So he said "Well, you could always ask me." I then said "Do you want to go to prom with me?" His response was "Nope...now that's 8!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (116446) - you deserved it (22062)
On 03/27/2009 at 8:38pm - love - by rejected (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, after sex with my girlfriend, I thought it would be sexy to wear her underwear until we saw each other again. I found a pair in her bathroom, but they definitely weren't her sexy ones. Her mom walked in on me to collect the laundry and screeched "What are you doing with my panties!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (11333) - you deserved it (75065)
On 03/20/2009 at 1:37am - intimacy - by HughGorgy (man) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, I was out on a date with a guy. His hot co-worker came to have a beer with us, and I knew my best friend would think he was gorgeous. I wanted to take a picture of him without knowing, so i tried to hold up my phone and pretend to be texting. The flash went off. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14470) - you deserved it (90424)
On 03/16/2009 at 4:41pm - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States
Monday 17 June 2013
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