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Humperdick

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Humperdick

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Monday 18 September 1995 (18 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 643
  • Number of comments : 5
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About Humperdick : I'm a girl.

Humperdick's page activity

Visits<b>Sriehl</b> - the 10/29/2013 at 10:44am

Humperdick's FML badges

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I agree, their lives suck

200 votes confirming that their life is crap. It’s what the website is all about.

50 favourites

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Humperdick's favorite FMLs

Today, at work, some little girl went in the bathroom for quite a while. Came out for two minutes and went back in. She then came out with her finger clutched in a paper towel. One of the other coworkers went in to check the bathroom. The little girl wrote "Hi!" with her own poop. FML

#1957441
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40663) - you deserved it (2311)

On 05/15/2009 at 3:20am - work - by RunningMurphy (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my dad was in town for 1 day. We only had about 3 hours to do something so we left right away. Right as we were about to leave my dads slutty girlfriend came by for a "surprise visit". My dad told me he would be right back. They had sex for 2 hours and 45 minutes. we talked for 15 minutes. FML

#1933237
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (77731) - you deserved it (3554)

On 05/14/2009 at 3:43pm - intimacy - by MacBook (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, my cell phone rang while I was still asleep. I picked it up, half asleep, only to find it was a wrong number from some guy. Three minutes later I receive a text message saying "Hey, you sound cute..." from the same number. I looked to see if he was local. I'm that desperate. FML

Today, the girl I like called me and said she liked me. After I told her I liked her too, she didn't say anything. Thinking the call was a joke, I started screaming at her and calling her a slut. Turns out it wasn't a joke, she had just hit mute on her phone by accident. FML

#1900118
322 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17163) - you deserved it (122072)

On 05/13/2009 at 11:35am - love - by your_mother - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was serving a family at the restaurant where I work. When I went to ask the little girl what she wanted, I was tongue-tied and got "cutie" and "hun" mixed up and ended up asking, "What can I get for you, cuntie?" FML

#1751488
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (76648) - you deserved it (23359)

On 05/08/2009 at 4:53pm - work - by keeks_25 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I drove past a firehouse that had volunteer firemen taking collections. I take out a $20 and start to roll the window down when I remember my window was broken. I ended up driving by, holding the $20 against the window, staring at the fireman. Now the fireman thinks I was taunting him. FML

#1076233
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45783) - you deserved it (15190)

On 04/18/2009 at 1:09am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I performed in my school play. Right before my big solo, I noticed a few girls changing backstage and I became aroused. The play was Jesus Christ Superstar, and I was playing Jesus. All I was wearing was a little cloth, so the whole audience saw Jesus get hard during the crucifixion. FML

#981592
240 comments

I agree, your life sucks (94790) - you deserved it (38854)

On 04/14/2009 at 11:27pm - intimacy - by jizzlemonster13 (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was bored at my job at Home Depot. I got a bar code tattoo 3 weeks ago and thought it would be funny to scan it. I'm a $5.98 160z claw hammer. FML

#881347
296 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38400) - you deserved it (128955)

On 04/09/2009 at 2:03am - work - by tool (man) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I had to return a shirt to Target. My mom offered to do it for me on her way to work, so I gave her the shirt and receipt. Later, I realized that on the same receipt I had purchased condoms, lube, and whipped cream. FML

#873540
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15240) - you deserved it (74421)

On 04/08/2009 at 4:34pm - misc - by UGH (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my friend and I were filming football practice and talking about what guys on the team were attractive and who we would want to get it on with. We didn't realize that the camera was recording everything that we said. The tape was played to the entire team the next day. With sound. FML

#600956
223 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22996) - you deserved it (115508)

On 03/25/2009 at 3:31pm - misc - by Lady_Luck (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, at work, I was alone in the breakroom when I got a slight pain in my belly. I thought I needed to pass gas, so I tried since no one else was in there. It wasn't gas. It was diarrhea. I'm wearing a mini skirt today. FML

#242337
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61555) - you deserved it (18012)

On 03/08/2009 at 2:37pm - work - by squirty_joe (woman) - United States

Today, I went to get a condom because my boyfriend and I were going to have sex for the first time. When I opened the drawer, I saw that every single condom had a Jesus pin stabbed through it, and a note on top of the box: "love mom." FML

#126669
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (121743) - you deserved it (22142)

On 02/24/2009 at 8:20pm - intimacy - by Noname (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was volunteering at a nursing home calling bingo numbers. One woman stood up and started making noises, so I assumed she had won and started clapping. She then fell on the floor and died of a heart attack. I essentially applauded her death. FML

#32415
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (82543) - you deserved it (10923)

On 02/12/2009 at 5:21pm - misc - by janedoe (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my fiance told me that he no longer loves me, that he still has feelings for an ex. The wedding is off and he needs the ring back to give to the right woman. FML

#6280
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69678) - you deserved it (3317)

On 02/03/2009 at 12:08pm - love - by nolongerengaged (woman) - United States



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