Humperdick

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Humperdick

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Monday 18 September 1995 (20 years old)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 1242
  • Number of comments : 5
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About Humperdick : I'm a girl.

Humperdick's page activity

Visits<b>Sriehl</b> - the 10/29/2013 at 10:44am

Humperdick's FML badges

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I agree, their lives suck

200 votes confirming that their life is crap. It’s what the website is all about.

50 favourites

Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!

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Humperdick's favorite FMLs

Today, my father decided that since he's paying for my flat, he will use it twice a week to have it off with his girlfriend while I'm away. My parents are still together. FML

by franzbiel / 10/31/2009 at 8:54am / Switzerland (Luzern) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend of five years gave me the silent treatment, refusing to talk to me or do anything more than glare at me during the entire three hour drive we took this morning. Why? Because I slept with his best friend. In his dream last night. FML

by anonymous / 10/27/2009 at 9:27am / United States (Wisconsin) / Love

Today, I found out why my husband had wanted to wait until marriage to get it on. Last night was the first night of our honeymoon, and he informed me that he wasn't always Ben, but used to be Brenda. His 'penis' doesn't work and he had wanted to know I "truly loved him" before he had let me know. FML

by Anonymous / 09/09/2009 at 1:21pm / United States (Arizona) / Holidays

Today, my husband and I were in bed, and just as I was about to finish he screamed, "Oh shit! It's 4:15, my strawberries are gonna whither!!!!" and then jumped off me and went to check on his farm on FarmVille. An imaginary farm, on Facebook. FML

by demk / 08/20/2009 at 10:51am / United States (New York) / Love

Today, it was my wedding day, and while I was standing next to my husband in front of all of our guests, I was rocking on my heels because I was nervous. I rocked too far and fell backward. My husband didn't come to help me up. He just said at the top of his lungs, "FAIL!" FML

by thefailure / 08/02/2009 at 12:21am / United States (Georgia) / Love

Today, my family took me to a wig store saying I wouldn't feel so insecure about being bald because of my chemo treatments. When I told them I accepted myself and didn't want a wig, they came out and told me THEY couldn't accept it. My own family is embarrassed of me over something I can't control. FML

by Betrayed / 07/31/2009 at 5:35am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I just found out my dad got remarried a year ago. The woman is officially living with us, I got to have lunch with her alone today. I found out she is only 22, with a 14 year old little brother. My dad's 47. I'm 17, now with a 14 year old uncle and a mom that can pass for my girlfriend. FML

by Beefballs / 07/29/2009 at 2:22am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at my job as a flight attendant. A passenger on my plane stopped breathing and turned blue. As I cleared his airways and was busy strapping an oxygen mask to his face, the passenger behind him tried to hand me her trash. Apparently I'm a walking trash can, no matter what I'm doing. FML

by skygoddess / 07/28/2009 at 3:29am / United States (Illinois) / Work

Today, my boyfriend picked me up to come spend the night at his house, and on the way he started pulling over to get some condoms. I told him no need, I was on my period. He turned the car around and took me home. FML

by onething / 07/08/2009 at 1:06pm / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend picked me up to come spend the night at his house, and on the way he started pulling over to get some condoms. I told him no need, I was on my period. He turned the car around and took me home. FML

by onething / 07/08/2009 at 1:06pm / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy

Today, my parents booked my 18th birthday party at Chuck E Cheese's. FML

by Anonymous / 06/29/2009 at 3:52pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got a call saying that my son was chasing all the girls in the class with his "Sword of Death", otherwise known as my dildo. FML

by a / 05/21/2009 at 3:18pm / United Kingdom (Hertford) / Intimacy

Today, I was coaching a little league soccer game. I was telling one of my players to go cover another kid. I said "go cover the little yellow kid!" because he happened to be wearing a yellow shirt. He also happened to be Asian. I then got death stares from his family members. FML

by Anonymous / 05/17/2009 at 9:48am / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend and I went to a Taylor Swift concert. At the concert they put up a sign that said "Scream if you love country boys." My boyfriend took one look at it and started screaming. FML

by TayTay / 05/16/2009 at 3:52am / United States (Washington) / Love

Today, at work, some little girl went in the bathroom for quite a while. Came out for two minutes and went back in. She then came out with her finger clutched in a paper towel. One of the other coworkers went in to check the bathroom. The little girl wrote "Hi!" with her own poop. FML

by RunningMurphy / 05/15/2009 at 3:20am / United States (Minnesota) / Work