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Submit your FML story

  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
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Hum

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Hum
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  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 7477
  • Number of comments : 13
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 5 posted

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Today, my husband gave me an ultimatum - choose him or my male best friend. I chose my husband. My husband then admitted to me that he was hoping I would choose my best friend so he would have an excuse to leave me and wouldn't have to tell me he's been cheating on me. FML

#3634399 (102)

I agree, your life sucks (53486) - you deserved it (2705)

On 07/10/2009 at 5:21am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was about to go and take a shower when I saw a pair of scissors taped to the door at eye level with a note from my boyfriend saying "Time to trim that hairy thang down under." FML

#2797369 (290)

I agree, your life sucks (26433) - you deserved it (38466)

On 06/11/2009 at 9:24am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my mom's will was read to the rest of the family. I helped my mom write it a couple years ago, and I was to get funds to pay off school loans. She revised it and put in a note saying I was to get nothing because I was "lazy." The executor read it out loud. FML

#2796619 (182)

I agree, your life sucks (80394) - you deserved it (6662)

On 06/11/2009 at 7:51am - money - by TSampson (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I heard my daughter scream at my son through the bathroom door, "Are you jacking off in there or something?" and him scream back at her "Shut up you fucking cunt!" My daughter is 7 and my son is 8. FML

#2772494 (859)

I agree, your life sucks (85913) - you deserved it (50889)

On 06/10/2009 at 2:09pm - intimacy - by badmom (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, my mom walks into my room, with a serious look on her face asks me "When a man is getting it from behind, the man on top orgasms, but what happens to the man on bottom? Do you think he takes care of himself or what?" Hand motions were included. FML

#2736001 (253)

I agree, your life sucks (67496) - you deserved it (3574)

On 06/09/2009 at 4:14am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had a date with this really cute guy. He invited me over to make dinner at his place. Eventually we end up in his bedroom to have sex. He pulls down my panties and says, "You need to shave that shit." FML

#2734034 (457)

I agree, your life sucks (44921) - you deserved it (48028)

On 06/09/2009 at 1:27am - intimacy - by lagirl (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I finally got my nametag. I had been using other people's names like Maria and Caie for a week, so I was happy to be called my own name. I put it on and got to work. Ten minutes later, I was called into the office. I got laid off. I got to wear my nametag for 10 minutes. FML

#2733384 (76)

I agree, your life sucks (37002) - you deserved it (2228)

On 06/08/2009 at 10:07pm - misc - by nametag (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, the girl I am in love with invited me to stay with her in Europe for 2 weeks, she is even paying for the flights and accommodation. It's because I am such a special friend to her and she wants me to come up to meet her fiance before she gets married. FML

#2732892 (245)

I agree, your life sucks (50922) - you deserved it (3791)

On 06/08/2009 at 9:28pm - love - by doomed (woman) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, I was camping. Me and this really cute girl were hitting it off real nice. It was the last night so we both headed over to my tent to have sex. I was just about to get it in when a raccoon ripped my tent causing the girl to scream and runaway. I got cockblocked by a raccoon. FML

#2729024 (149)

I agree, your life sucks (59378) - you deserved it (6145)

On 06/08/2009 at 7:24pm - intimacy - by Baggabbles123 (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, it was my two-and-a-half year anniversary with my girlfriend, a small but noble occasion. She surprised me with an invention of hers, a plate of triple-chocolate double-mint cookies topped with Andes mints. I surprised her by crashing her new Mustang into a cement divider. FML

#2724554 (164)

I agree, your life sucks (12643) - you deserved it (31880)

On 06/08/2009 at 5:11pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I got hypnotized at my school's variety show. Apparently, when asked to do something I enjoy doing, I began to violently hump the floor. FML

#2722142 (287)

I agree, your life sucks (69753) - you deserved it (14569)

On 06/08/2009 at 3:41pm - intimacy - by OhGeez (man) - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, I had just gotten a milkshake with some friends. We were about to drive past my ex's house, so I though it would be funny to throw the milkshake in his yard. Turns out, if your going 50mph and try to throw a shake out the window, it comes right back at you. FML

#2719263 (249)

I agree, your life sucks (4282) - you deserved it (66792)

On 06/08/2009 at 1:47pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I got prostate examination for the first time. Now I can't decide what's worse, the fact that I got a boner when the doc inserted his finger, or the fact that my wife told the story to pretty much everybody we know. FML

#2715001 (256)

I agree, your life sucks (56550) - you deserved it (4515)

On 06/08/2009 at 9:48am - intimacy - by prostate (man) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend of 4 years proposed to me. I wasn't expecting anything too romantic, but I would have liked something more than an email from Facebook, requesting my confirmation that we were engaged. FML

#2713255 (316)

I agree, your life sucks (76545) - you deserved it (4461)

On 06/08/2009 at 6:41am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Singapore

Today, I was at a 21st birthday party. It got to the bit where they blow out the candles and the girl hosting blew out her candles. While she was blowing I whispered to the fella next to me, "That's not the only thing she'll be blowing tonight". The guy next to me was her dad. FML

#2713232 (159)

I agree, your life sucks (10496) - you deserved it (62437)

On 06/08/2009 at 6:39am - intimacy - by baller (man) - Australia (Queensland)