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Today, I was at a birthday party and got my face rubbed in with a cake. When I came out of the restroom having washed my face I noticed one of the girls going in. Just to be nice I asked, "They put cake on your face too, did they?" She said no, that was just her make-up. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7528) - you totally deserved it (18940)
On 09/14/2009 at 5:21am - misc - by nickname (man) - United Kingdom (Lancashire)
Today, I went on a blind date with a guy who talked about himself in the 3rd person. Seriously. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33113) - you totally deserved it (3824)
On 09/13/2009 at 12:15am - love - by blind_date (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I found out that my girlfriend of almost 6 years has put me in debt over $33,000. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26402) - you totally deserved it (9750)
On 09/12/2009 at 10:44pm - money - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I discovered that I don't have Herpes or Genital warts. I have acne on my penis. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42186) - you totally deserved it (5475)
On 09/06/2009 at 2:19pm - health - by Curt (man) - United States (Missouri)
Today, I was going to work and got in the elevator. I was going through my bag for my phone and asked the man in the elevator to push the button for me. He gave me a look of death before I realized he had no arms. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27660) - you totally deserved it (7396)
On 09/02/2009 at 9:01am - work - by elevatorjerk - United States
Today, while emailing my very young, attractive teacher to ask a question, my hand slipped. Too bad you can't unsend emails that say "Can we meet after school some time? I have some thongs I'd like to discuss with you." FML
I agree, your life sucks (25733) - you totally deserved it (6863)
On 08/31/2009 at 4:38pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)
Today, I posted a status update on Facebook about how much I liked the Season Finale of NBC's "Heroes". My hand slipped to the right and it came out as "I really love Herpes. It's much better than everyone says it is". I didn't notice for few hours. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10982) - you totally deserved it (21838)
On 08/24/2009 at 12:28am - misc - by NotThatKind (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I decided to smoke in my car on the way to school. As I went to ash it out the window, one of the embers flew back into car landing in my eye. Turns out the excruciating pain was my contact lense melting to my cornea. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10059) - you totally deserved it (33309)
On 08/22/2009 at 5:10am - misc - by Shootme (man) - United States (Arizona)
Today, in Burger King, I was leaning against the railing looking at the menu. I saw an old man using the rail to walk, so I got out of the way. He ran his hand across my back and said "You're so cute, I'd like to take you home and lock you in my basement naked so you can't leave" and walked out. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35801) - you totally deserved it (1489)
On 08/21/2009 at 12:01am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (North Dakota)
Today, my husband and I were in bed, and just as I was about to finish he screamed, "Oh shit! It's 4:15, my strawberries are gonna whither!!!!" and then jumped off me and went to check on his farm on FarmVille. An imaginary farm, on Facebook. FML
I agree, your life sucks (46711) - you totally deserved it (3523)
On 08/20/2009 at 10:51am - love - by demk (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I went to get a pedicure for the first time. My feet are VERY ticklish. I reflexively kicked the poor lady in the face, as I wet my pants. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32109) - you totally deserved it (9380)
On 08/18/2009 at 8:35am - misc - by peepeepants (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my nose was itchy. As I reached towards it to itch it, I sneezed ridiculously hard. I punched myself in the eye and now it's all purple and puffy. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30030) - you totally deserved it (6298)
On 08/18/2009 at 7:47am - health - by Ahhwtf (man) - United States (Washington)
Today, my boyfriend introduced me to his family. They were drinking and having fun, so I joined in. I had one too many, got really goofy and then suggested the farting game. "Sorry, I can't hold my liquor!" I quickly explained. My boyfriend's mom shot me a cold look and said, "It's non-alcoholic." FML
I agree, your life sucks (5809) - you totally deserved it (53349)
On 08/18/2009 at 4:04am - misc - by probably_the_ex_now (woman) - United States (Louisiana)
Today, I walked in on my husband in our room completely naked. At first I thought he was waiting for me so we could have sex. He hadn't seen me yet, so I started to undress too to surprise him. Then I saw that he had drawn a face on his penis and he was talking to it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (53407) - you totally deserved it (3430)
On 08/18/2009 at 1:37am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I got up the nerve to text the girl I've had a crush on to ask her on a date. I got back "Error message 3265: Number No Longer In Swrvice." Service was spelled wrong and when I looked it up, error message 3265 does not exist. FML
I agree, your life sucks (48656) - you totally deserved it (4560)
On 08/17/2009 at 5:41pm - love - by ZSL (woman) - United States (New York)
