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Horde's favorite FMLs
Today, as a joke, I hid under my parents' bed, hoping to scare them when they came home. When they finally arrived, they burst through their bedroom door, tearing each other's clothes off. I had to keep my breath in time with my mom's panting and moaning as my dad brutally dominated her. FML
by gir / 07/14/2011 at 3:35pm / United States (Tennessee) / Intimacy
Today, while driving, a minivan cut me off. Pissed, I started honking and cursing. I then went ballistic when the driver waved out the window, smiling. It wasn't until I was at a stoplight that I noticed their "Honk if you love Jesus" bumper sticker. FML
by Max Flynn / 05/20/2011 at 6:07am / Miscellaneous
by pyroman1127 / 05/16/2011 at 3:34pm / United States (Utah) / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend came home from a camping trip and broke up with me. All because when he was watching the lake he was near, ripples formed. Apparently, this means God was telling him I'm impure and unable to be "saved by Christ" and therefore, a waste of his time. I dated this lunatic. FML
by dammitvasquez / 05/12/2011 at 7:34pm / Canada / Love
Today, as a prank, a friend and I tied a 10 dollar bill to a fishing line, and yanked it away from people as they reached for it. It was going really well until one of our victims pulled a knife and chased us around the block. FML
by Jackassed / 05/12/2011 at 1:53pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, while changing a light bulb, I was electrocuted. I screamed before I blacked out. My entire family was home and heard me scream, but didn't come and check because they were too busy watching Glee. FML
by Burnt / 05/10/2011 at 9:21pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, I confided to my dad that since the recent breakup with my boyfriend of 3 months, I feel down all the time and life doesn't feel worth living anymore. His loving advice was for me to "grow the fuck up and get your sentimental head out of la-la land." FML
by Anonymous / 05/08/2011 at 3:21pm / United States (Virginia) / Love
Today, I saw a car swerving in front of me on the freeway, so I whipped out my cell to report the DUI. As soon as it started ringing, I see police lights in my rear view and got slapped with a ticket for using a cell phone while driving. After explaining why, the officer said, "Nice try." FML
by AE86Turbo / 05/03/2011 at 1:22am / United States (California) / Transportation
Today, I came across an old man sitting on the pavement with a bottle of beer in one hand. He was crying. I thought I would be a good Samaritan and see if he was okay. After 15 minutes of hearing about how much his life sucked, he mugged me. FML
by kimftwxox / 05/02/2011 at 10:24pm / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous
by teinage / 05/02/2011 at 2:47pm / Belgium (Brussels Hoofdstedelijk Gewest) / Transportation
by suckishbf / 04/27/2011 at 10:41pm / United States (New Jersey) / Love
by disfunctionalfamily / 04/27/2011 at 3:03pm / United States (Mississippi) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 04/27/2011 at 12:21pm / United Kingdom / Intimacy
Today, I was taking a dump in a porta-potty at a fair. I had the runs really bad. All I have to say is that it's tough to take a shit that seems never-ending while other people outside are bitching at you and hammering on the flimsy door. FML
- 1Today, my parents let me babysit my baby sister for the first time. About an hour after they left,… 2Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went… 3Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had…