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Homunculus's favorite FMLs
by ashamed father / 03/09/2014 at 6:32pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids
Today, I had satanic gastric distress. Attempting to make light of this fact, and, being incredibly bored and seemingly alone at work, I managed to fart the intro to "Smoke on the Water" perfectly. Somebody clapped. FML
by Charlie529 / 02/19/2014 at 10:30am / South Africa (KwaZulu-Natal) / Health
by Anonymous / 01/29/2014 at 4:04pm / United Kingdom (Wrexham) / Intimacy
Today, my boyfriend let me be the first one to read the novel he dropped out of college to write. Turns out it's titled "A Brief History of Ass" and is an incoherent ramble about every time we've had anal sex. FML
by Anonymous / 12/11/2013 at 7:51pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy
by anonymous / 12/09/2013 at 10:10am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I was proud when I started a confrontation with my best friend's brother because he is a sexist pig who treats women like crap. Six hours later my pride was gone: I made him an after-sex sandwich. FML
by Ashamed_Sister / 11/30/2013 at 2:35am / Namibia (Windhoek) / Love
by Colby / 11/15/2013 at 11:59am / Canada (New Brunswick) / Miscellaneous
by BioChickthcfy / 11/13/2013 at 5:27pm / United States (Illinois) / Work
Today, while I was working out, I was listening to music with my earbuds in. The Pokémon theme started playing and I begun singing along. It wasn't too long after that I remembered I was in a crowded gym on a military base. FML
by GymBattle / 10/31/2013 at 7:18pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by BOHICA123 / 10/07/2013 at 10:08pm / United States (Michigan) / Work
Today, I took my 4-year-old son to the bank with me. He asked why we were going, and I explained that I had a couple of checks that they would turn into money. When we got in line, he loudly exclaimed that "Mommy has checks for money!" Except "checks" sounded almost exactly like "sex". FML
by Anonymous / 09/10/2013 at 2:30pm / United States (Tennessee) / Kids
Today, I explained to my roommate that if she kept using all of our kitchen utensils as sex toys and hoarding them because of the varying degrees of orgasms she could achieve, we wouldn't be able to cook or eat in our own house. FML
by Palindromesque / 09/04/2013 at 5:07am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
Today, while writing a self-evaluation for my internship, I had to type up answers to certain questions and then submit them. After submission, I re-read one of the answers I had written that said, "After 3 months on the jon I finally feel like I have accomplished a lot." I had meant to write job. FML
by OnCompanyTimeToo / 09/01/2013 at 9:21pm / New Zealand (Canterbury) / Work
Today, we went boating with friends. For some reason the bottom of our tube deflated, causing me to be bounced roughly up and down on the water. As a result, I had the most intense orgasm of my entire life, while sitting 2 inches away from my dad's friend. He definitely noticed. FML
by SplishSplash / 08/31/2013 at 9:21pm / United States / Intimacy
by hamburger / 07/06/2013 at 5:21pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy
- Today, I’m a French teacher in Ukraine, and in class we were debating gun legislation. In order to… Today, I’m in Thailand and I met a monk. The conversation was so deep and interesting that, without… Today, my boyfriend whispered to me, “I’m so tired of these fucking mosquitos.” When I asked why he…