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Holysamster's favorite FMLs
by Zolesz96 / 08/30/2011 at 12:39pm / Hungary (Jasz-Nagykun-Szolnok) / Miscellaneous
by rojin12 / 08/30/2011 at 2:30am / United States (Maryland) / Work
by anonymous / 08/29/2011 at 2:47pm / United States (New York) / Animals
by slut / 08/29/2011 at 12:22pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, I had to say "Put away your burrito," "that ruler is not a light saber," and "stop making dog noises" all in the same sentence at work. I teach Advanced Placement Calculus to high school seniors. FML
by Anonymous / 08/20/2011 at 3:42am / United States (Texas) / Work
by candymansvan17 / 08/17/2011 at 5:50pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Miscellaneous
by creepedoutlady / 08/15/2011 at 8:30pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by Username / 08/14/2011 at 1:44pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, two Jehovah's Witnesses rang my doorbell for the 10th time. This time they asked me whether I knew Faith's greatest enemy. I replied, "Basic reasoning?" A copy of The Watchtower can really hurt when it hits you in the eye. FML
by Goaway / 08/14/2011 at 7:20am / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous
by TuteSweet / 08/12/2011 at 2:17am / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was sitting in the hospital waiting area. An old lady was crying, and my five year old daughter asked her, "Are you okay?" The woman quietly nodded, prompting my daughter to scream at the top of her lungs, "Well shut up then!" FML
by Anonymous / 08/06/2011 at 9:40pm / United States / Kids
Today, my eight year old son came to me and said he thinks it's time he started wearing bras. It turns out his older brother has been mind-fucking him for the past several months and has him convinced it's something all boys his age do. I can't convince him otherwise. FML
by Anonymous / 08/06/2011 at 7:37pm / United States (Florida) / Kids
Today, my house was raided for drugs. I had to find out my father is a drug dealer. The cops then told me this wasn't their first time here, but it was the first time I was home to see it. They said it was nice to finally meet me. FML
by thehumanshield / 08/05/2011 at 4:41am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by indierocklove / 08/03/2011 at 12:55pm / United States (Virginia) / Health
by soccerbuddyz / 08/03/2011 at 12:04am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, someone stole my purse and phone while I was giving CPR to someone who had a heart attack on… 2Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 3Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's…
- Today, after putting in so much effort to forgive my husband for his affair, we had sex. Not even 2… Today, I was texting my boyfriend, making plans to see him tomorrow. He ended the conversation by… Today, I got an "Enlarge your penis" email for the millionth time. I was about to dismiss it when I…