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Hieroglyph's favorite FMLs
Today, my soon-to-be ex-wife decided she'll be moving into my apartment complex. She always goes out of her way to pick fights with me every chance she gets, has alienated my children from me and has made what should be a very simple divorce into a ridiculously long and contentious one. FML
by still_not_divorced / 08/26/2016 at 9:46pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Love
Today, I was trying to cook a pizza for lunch at my in-laws. I preheated the oven and took my dog out to go potty. I come back in to find the house filled with smoke, the detector going off, and a fire in the oven. Apparently, my mother-in-law left a tray of glass candle holders in it. FML
by ThankfullyNotKickedOut / 08/26/2016 at 2:17pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
Today, I confessed to my boyfriend that I have no sex drive, but faked it to avoid hurting his feelings. It was after he confessed he is not attracted to women, but forced himself to have sex with me because he didn't want to admit he is gay. FML
by Anonymous / 07/27/2016 at 6:36am / Ukraine (Poltavs'ka Oblast') / Intimacy
Today, on my holiday in Thailand I was using the ATM to withdraw $500 worth of Baht. While doing this the ATM crashed and decided to restart. After 5 minutes it spat my card out and nothing else. When I returned to the hotel to use the Wifi, the ATM had deducted the money from my account. FML
by problems / 07/27/2016 at 2:43am / Thailand (Phuket) / Holidays
by brerj09 / 07/27/2016 at 2:41am / United States / Intimacy
Today, I found out why my husband doesn't want me to go to the doc. It's not because of the reasonable copay. It's because he has let 3 other women use my insurance to give birth, in the last 4 years. They are all his. FML
by NoDocVisit / 07/26/2016 at 10:27pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
by Jaraxxus / 07/26/2016 at 5:45am / United States (North Carolina) / Love
Today, my parents let me babysit my baby sister for the first time. About an hour after they left, I was carrying her downstairs and tripped. Try calling your parents from the hospital and explaining that their daughter, who can't even crawl yet, has a broken leg. FML
by ulrika / 07/23/2016 at 9:09pm / United States (Florida) / Kids
Today, I'm studying abroad in Japan. For the first time, I had to ride the train home from school alone. My host sister told me which train and the time it left. I sat down on the train, feeling proud of myself when I realized she didn't tell me what stop was ours, and I barely speak Japanese. FML
by Tryingmybest / 07/14/2016 at 5:44pm / Japan (Akita) / Transportation
by lastinclass / 07/13/2016 at 5:28pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous
by Heknowsnothing / 07/13/2016 at 5:09pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 07/02/2016 at 3:29pm / United States (Colorado) / Work
Today, while updating my résumé, I noticed that in my list of achievements it said "Torturing middle school students". I meant "tutoring", but I guess this explains why I'm still unemployed a year after I started looking for a job. FML
by fuckel4 / 07/01/2016 at 4:12pm / United States (Arkansas) / Work
by Anonymous / 07/01/2016 at 12:23pm / Sweden (Vastra Gotaland) / Kids
- Today, my boyfriend dumped me, yet again, because his mother made him. Fortunately for me I found… Today, during an extremely romantic moment of cuddling with my girlfriend she started to cry, turns… Today, early in the morning, I went to the store for a few things. The doors wide open, I gather my…