This member hasn't filled in the description.
Today, my boyfriend decided to name his penis "Jesus". For the last two hours he's been continuously asking if I "want to be touched by Jesus" or will I "let Jesus in to spread his warmth." FML
I agree, your life sucks (3992) - you totally deserved it (1437)
On 02/11/2010 at 1:18am - intimacy - by syl - Canada (Alberta)
Today, I have the flu, food poisoning and I'm on my period. I have enough liquids pouring out of me from various holes to satisfy a sewer. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28196) - you totally deserved it (1529)
On 02/09/2010 at 7:22am - health - by SickSmick (woman) - United Kingdom (Hertford)
Today, my boyfriend admitted that he'd like to dress me in a squirrel suit and chase me through the forest. This was the surprising result of a discussion on how to spice up our love life. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13652) - you totally deserved it (2295)
On 01/31/2010 at 7:24pm - love - by JK (man) - United States (California)
Today, a man I don't know came up to me and started screaming about how "all you damn Mexicans were stealing American's jobs" and he stormed off. I'm Native American, and I'm pretty sure we've been here longer. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29457) - you totally deserved it (1698)
On 01/21/2010 at 7:45pm - misc - by hardtotell (woman) - United States (Utah)
Today, I got hit in the face with a piece of bacon. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6915) - you totally deserved it (16099)
On 01/09/2010 at 5:12am - misc - by Face (woman) - Australia (Victoria)
Today, I got home from work and heard the shower in my bathroom running. Thinking my wife was taking a shower, I got completely undressed and walked in. My wife wasn't in the shower, instead I found my daughter and her boyfriend in the shower, making out. There was an awkward moment of silence. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13594) - you totally deserved it (3687)
On 10/24/2009 at 1:35pm - intimacy - by sad_dad (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I was tinting my own eyelashes when I missed my eyelashes and stabbed myself in the eye with the applicator loaded with dye. Now, I have beautiful lush black eyelashes, to match my half closed swollen red left eye. Sexy. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6966) - you totally deserved it (14179)
On 10/22/2009 at 6:22pm - health - by Bunni (woman) - Australia (Queensland)
Today, my 6 year old son learned that if you give a mouse a cookie, he will ask for a glass of milk. But if you give a hamster a cookie, he will try to shove the whole thing in his mouth, choke, and die. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24495) - you totally deserved it (1979)
On 10/17/2009 at 5:08pm - kids - by hamster cookie - Sent from a mobile version
Today, my boyfriend came in my room dressed as Harry Potter and declared that he was going to put his basilisk into my chamber of secrets. And yes, that was my first time. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16339) - you totally deserved it (3600)
On 09/10/2009 at 1:18pm - intimacy - by ginny (woman) - United States (Iowa)
Today, I posted a status update on Facebook about how much I liked the Season Finale of NBC's "Heroes". My hand slipped to the right and it came out as "I really love Herpes. It's much better than everyone says it is". I didn't notice for few hours. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10997) - you totally deserved it (21847)
On 08/24/2009 at 12:28am - misc - by NotThatKind (man) - United States (New York)
[ Page : 1 ]
« Previous page | Next page »
