About HeyArnold91 : US Navy Sailor :)
A new Thumb
You’ve used your thumb on 1000 comments.
Why am I up so early?
You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.
Mobility
You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.
Today, I woke up after sleeping with my boyfriend for the first time. I rolled over and smiled at him, and the first thing he said was, "You farted. A lot." FML
I agree, your life sucks (22898) - you deserved it (4103)
On 01/07/2013 at 10:40am - love - by gassy - United States (Texas)
Today, my partner was inspired by 50 Shades Of Grey to try making me orgasm with a full bladder, therefore intensifying the experience. He was right, it was mind blowing. It also made me piss the bed for the first time in twenty-odd years. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24804) - you deserved it (4788)
On 01/07/2013 at 8:01am - intimacy - by wetsheets (woman) - United Kingdom (Cardiff)
Today, I was on a plane and realized that the woman next to me was hiding a hedgehog in a plastic container. I'm severely afraid of hedgehogs but not wanting to give the woman up and get her in trouble, I tried to stay quiet. Which led to me to quietly hyperventilate and pass out on the plane. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16632) - you deserved it (4826)
On 01/07/2013 at 5:21am - health - by scaredofhedges (woman) - United States (California)
Today, while out hiking, my phone slipped out of my pocket. I caught it and gave it to my little cousin, giving her a "special mission" to keep it safe. When we got back to our cars later, I asked her for my phone back. Turns out she left it under a shrub back in the hills so it'd be "safe." FML
I agree, your life sucks (7397) - you deserved it (22547)
On 01/06/2013 at 7:24pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Idaho)
Today, I realized my girlfriend makes the same exact noises in bed and when she eats. I don't know if I'm a really good cook or a really bad lover. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19509) - you deserved it (2276)
On 01/06/2013 at 8:06am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, at a house party, I finally got the guy I've been seeing alone in his room. We started making out, and I got on top of him to take control. He responded by saying he couldn't do it because he needed to go make pizza for his friends, and then bolted out of the room. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29366) - you deserved it (6433)
On 01/02/2013 at 2:02pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I was getting a spray tan and realized I didn't have a hair tie, so I used a thong instead. I lost track of time and realized I needed to go pick up my daughter. I threw on my clothes, drove to pick her up, went to the store, and went for ice cream... thong still in my hair. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9967) - you deserved it (30466)
On 01/02/2013 at 12:33pm - health - by Embarrassed - United States
Today, I was cleaning one of my disabled clients because he pooped himself, so I started to undress him for a shower. I took his dirty diaper off and set it on his bed, then I bent over to take off his socks at which point he put the diaper on my head like a hat. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42998) - you deserved it (3349)
On 01/02/2013 at 10:49am - work - by habassistant - United States (Ohio)
Today, my neighbor went on vacation, leaving me in charge of his cat and dog. For some reason, he calls his dog "Cat" and his cat "Dog". There are two pet food containers, one labeled "Cat" and the other labeled "Dog". I have no idea which one goes to which animal. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31288) - you deserved it (2920)
On 01/02/2013 at 1:07am - animals - by catdog - United States (California)
Today, my roommate stumbled in drunk at 5am with 3 Big Macs, and passed out on the floor after eating them. This happens almost every night. I stay in, study, work, and go to the gym almost everyday. And she still has better grades, a better body, and makes more money than me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45179) - you deserved it (3465)
On 01/01/2013 at 4:00pm - misc - by apparentlythereisnokarma - Canada (Alberta)
Today, I discovered that if I turn my shower off for a minute, then back on again, the water comes out scalding hot. I discovered that while the showerhead was pointed directly at my genitals. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23919) - you deserved it (7959)
On 01/01/2013 at 2:34pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Gloucestershire)
Today, I went to a concert with my girlfriend. Some guy grabbed her ass, and I tried to fight him. I ended up with a concussion and a messed up jaw. Her? Oh, she beat the shit out of him while I was unconscious. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33549) - you deserved it (9855)
On 01/01/2013 at 5:30am - health - by Anonymous - United States (Kansas)
Today, I woke up to find pieces of a dead spider stuck in my braces. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43344) - you deserved it (2491)
On 12/26/2012 at 2:30pm - misc - by gaggin - United States (California)
Today, while at the store with my mom and baby brother, a guy started to talk to me. Just as he went to give me his number, my mom handed me my brother and said, "Here's your son, your AA meeting's in an hour, let's go." FML
I agree, your life sucks (42158) - you deserved it (3410)
On 12/26/2012 at 1:30pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, I woke up from an explicit dream involving my dentist. I'm scheduled for a conscious sedation appointment with him in two hours and I'm terrified of what I might say or do while I'm under. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22017) - you deserved it (2145)
On 12/26/2012 at 9:05am - health - by ugh - United States (Ohio)
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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