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Hetalia_freak's favorite FMLs
Today, in the very middle of the night, my kitten started rubbing against my face. Thinking I saw her face in the darkness, I decided to kiss her before going back to bed. My lips made contact with her butthole. FML
by Anonymous / 02/13/2014 at 10:20am / United States (Nevada) / Animals
Today, the boy who sits next to me in class accidentally dropped his sketch pad. It turns out he's really talented at drawing portraits. They're so good that I could recognize myself in all of them. FML
by Anonymous / 02/12/2014 at 8:12pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
by Parusu / 02/12/2014 at 7:52pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
Today, I found out the real reason my boyfriend kept starting fights with me, and why my best friend kept telling me to break up with him. It was so they could turn their affair into a proper relationship, then twist it around to make me look like a bitch for dumping him. FML
by Anonymous / 02/12/2014 at 4:25pm / Australia / Love
Today, at the bank where I work, I escorted a very short woman to her safe deposit box in the vault. I left her alone, knowing she could use the phone to call the reception when she was ready to leave. We later realised the phone was too high for her to reach. If glares could kill. FML
by vegas-81 / 02/09/2014 at 10:39pm / France / Intimacy
Today, my girlfriend and I were quite drunk while we were fooling around on the couch, when I decided I wanted to lose my virginity to her. I was two thrusts in when she burst out laughing. Looking down, I realized I was between her cheeks and the couch cushion. I lost my virginity to her couch. FML
by Unknown / 02/07/2014 at 9:18am / United States (Iowa) / Intimacy
Today, while playing badminton at school, I got an opponent who is mentally handicapped. Since I'm terrible at the game, I guess the teacher assumed it would be a good match. I won the match, my first victory ever. My teacher accused me of cheating to humiliate him. FML
by Anonymous / 01/30/2014 at 1:13pm / United States (Kentucky) / Miscellaneous
by CUNTCUNTCUNT / 01/29/2014 at 4:28pm / Australia (Queensland) / Love
Today, while driving home, my 3-year-old daughter told me she had to poop. I told her that she would have to wait until we got home. When we got home, she pulled down her pants and shat on the floor, because, "I'm home now." FML
by mom / 01/25/2014 at 11:29pm / United States (Texas) / Kids
by SirDirtyRedD / 01/24/2014 at 8:03pm / Iceland (Gullbringusysla) / Kids
by Anonymous / 01/17/2014 at 10:48pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 01/17/2014 at 5:21pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous
Today, my husband and I decided to have a quickie before the kids woke up from their nap. The sex was amazing and I couldn't hold in my screams or not hit the wall. About 15 minutes in, both of our children came busting in with their nerf guns, screaming, "Where's the monster?" FML
by anon / 01/12/2014 at 8:53pm / United States (Arizona) / Intimacy
by gottacatchemall / 01/08/2014 at 12:43am / United States / Intimacy
- Today, while flying 2,000+ miles from New York to Salt Lake City, I realized that I forgot to ask… Today, my sister told me to mind my own business when I freaked out about the used tampon she keeps… Today, early in the morning, I went to the store for a few things. The doors wide open, I gather my…