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HedgeSquid's favorite FMLs
Today, I worked up the confidence to go to the mall alone for the first time since being confined to a wheelchair. It didn't even take 20 minutes before some teenager grabbed my wheelchair and tried to race me around, all while his friends watched and laughed. FML
by Anonymous / 02/05/2016 at 3:08pm / Australia (Queensland) / Health
by Anonymous / 02/05/2016 at 4:55am / United Kingdom / Intimacy
Today, I burped in front of my crush. Well, not really in front of him. I turned around mid-burp and noticed him, not knowing anyone was there. The surprise made me scream a little, which only amplified the burp. So I made this mighty belch-turned-scream noise, while maintaining eye contact with him. FML
by killmenow / 12/03/2015 at 12:33am / Canada (Nova Scotia) / Love
by hiitisbrooke / 11/23/2015 at 3:17pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy
Today, I gave a group presentation. Because I didn't know the last names of my group members, I'd put fake ones in, intending to replace them later. I forgot to change them and I ended up giving a presentation alongside a very angry Greg Penishead and Josh Acne. FML
by friendless1004 / 11/12/2015 at 11:55am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, it's job interview day. In the elevator on the way there, I overheard potential candidates talking about the boss of the company, mocking his alleged lack of credibility. Who's the boss? Me. They don't know that yet. FML
by Oli974 / 10/22/2015 at 9:08am / France (Rhone-Alpes) / Work
Today, while on my first ever date, I ordered a really hot curry, hoping to impress my date. "Yeah," I said smoothly, "not everyone can handle spicy food." When I took a bite, my eyes watered, my mouth burned, and I had to plead for water in between moaning like a dying baboon. FML
by halfie / 09/26/2015 at 1:06am / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was eating and my dog kept bothering me. She kept scratching my legs for food, so I took a large piece of fish from my plate and tossed it out into the hallway. It flew right into my mother's face. FML
by FishFlingingMonkey / 08/21/2015 at 11:55pm / Canada (New Brunswick) / Miscellaneous
Today, a customer at the restaurant where I work reduced me to tears by screaming at me, as I nearly knocked out his 2-year-old with the kitchen door, after he let the little boy play on the floor behind it. Apparently, it's my fault I can't see through solid wood. FML
by Anonymous / 07/12/2015 at 3:39pm / United Kingdom / Work
by Anonymous / 07/10/2015 at 12:52pm / United Kingdom (Nottingham) / Kids
Today, I was supporting my aunt as she gave birth. She was getting tired during the pushing stage, so I tried to encourage her by making a show of pushing as well with each contraction. I got a little too into it and accidentally gave birth to a little turd of my own. FML
by nityasomaiya / 05/16/2015 at 1:34am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 04/25/2015 at 1:32pm / United States / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 04/22/2015 at 10:14am / United States (Georgia) / Intimacy
by ThatSlappinBass / 04/17/2015 at 10:00pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 04/15/2015 at 1:18pm / United States (Alabama) / Animals