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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Heazie

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Heazie
  • Town/Country : Providence, USA
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Thursday 21 April 1983 (28 years)
  • Number of visits : 1894
  • Number of comments : 11
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

About Heazie : I'm better than you. Fuck Your Life.

Heazie's last visitors

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Heazie's favorite FMLs

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was the first time in four months since our baby was born, that I could really enjoy it. After we finished up we walked into the livingroom, where my white faced brother was sitting. He said we left the baby monitor on. FML

#13687643 (177)

I agree, your life sucks (8872) - you deserved it (21636)

On 11/02/2010 at 12:26pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when I came. She got pissed and slapped me really hard for cumming inside her because she didnt want to get pregnant. 1. I was wearing a condom. 2. Shes on the pill. 3. We were having anal sex. FML

#13661699 (403)

I agree, your life sucks (48542) - you deserved it (6286)

On 10/31/2010 at 9:30am - intimacy - by Tai - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I found dried cum in my hair - after being at work for two hours. FML

#13572879 (265)

I agree, your life sucks (9552) - you deserved it (29603)

On 10/24/2010 at 3:31am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I found out that my "I don't believe in pre-marital sex" boyfriend is the father of my younger sister's newborn baby. After four years of being in a serious, but sexless, relationship, I am now single, horny, and an aunt. FML

#13311710 (269)

I agree, your life sucks (1591) - you deserved it (3863)

On 10/04/2010 at 12:04am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I asked my boyfriend what he would do if I were to get pregnant. Expecting him to give me a cute and supportive answer, he replied, "We'd be finding you a nice flight of stairs to accidentally fall down." FML

#13031931 (343)

I agree, your life sucks (28582) - you deserved it (8470)

On 09/13/2010 at 5:14am - love - by vikinggirl (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I was at work and was confronted by a customer wanting to get a "Nemo" fish. I explained that 'Nemo' needs to live in saltwater, not freshwater, like their tank was. The customer then turns around and grabs a perforated tank divider and says, "Can't I just split them up with this?" FML

#12924795 (234)

I agree, your life sucks (14813) - you deserved it (1904)

On 09/05/2010 at 11:01pm - work - by christiner - Sent from mobile version

Today, I talked to my boyfriend's dad for the first time. One of the first things that he said to me was, "So, I hear you're a screamer." FML

#12832697 (134)

I agree, your life sucks (28707) - you deserved it (4792)

On 08/31/2010 at 1:21am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I walked in on my mom giving my dad head. Acting like I hadn't seen anything, I asked if I could use a towel sitting on the dresser. My mom said, "No, we're going to need that one." FML

#12803986 (154)

I agree, your life sucks (23610) - you deserved it (4879)

On 08/29/2010 at 11:37am - intimacy - by bkay26 - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was having sex with a really hot guy, when suddenly he pulled out and told me that "he had another fat chick meeting him in twenty minutes." FML

#12800426 (177)

I agree, your life sucks (25408) - you deserved it (10084)

On 08/29/2010 at 3:27am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I called my boyfriend just to hear his voice since I haven't seen him in a while. His mom picked up and said "Chris isn't here right now, he's with his girlfriend. Do you want to leave him a message." We've been dating for 4 and a half months now. FML

#12423353 (131)

I agree, your life sucks (26108) - you deserved it (2353)

On 08/10/2010 at 12:30am - love - by llmd (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I noticed my husband chews his tongue while we are having it off. He also does this while he is playing World of Warcraft. FML

#12239947 (131)

I agree, your life sucks (19049) - you deserved it (4604)

On 08/01/2010 at 3:02am - intimacy - by Nuttree (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, at 2 am on a Saturday, I purposely updated my Facebook status from my iPod so people will see that I posted from a 'mobile device' and think I'm out at a bar having a life, instead of sitting at home on my bed watching movies on my Netflix. FML

#12237713 (133)

I agree, your life sucks (10371) - you deserved it (19772)

On 08/01/2010 at 1:05am - misc - by tbeemcgeebee - United States (New York)

Today, while I was driving my 27 year old boyfriend 8 hours to a Pokemon event, he realized he didn't bring his DS with him. He cried about it. FML

#12085678 (316)

I agree, your life sucks (31283) - you deserved it (14039)

On 07/24/2010 at 1:47pm - love - by juli (woman) - Taiwan (T'ai-pei)

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. After removing my underwear, he started singing "In the jungle, the mighty jungle..." FML

#12030730 (331)

I agree, your life sucks (19320) - you deserved it (35300)

On 07/21/2010 at 7:44pm - intimacy - by Wawawiwa (woman) - Namibia (Windhoek)

Today, I was at Target buying four coloring books. As I was in line, the woman behind me said that buying coloring books was a good idea to keep my kids occupied. I smiled and said that it would give me a few minutes to relax. I am a 26 year old guy with no kids. The coloring books were for me. FML

#6664600 (37)

I agree, your life sucks (10253) - you deserved it (23553)

On 12/08/2009 at 1:06pm - kids - by 2old4thiscrap (man) - United States (New York)